Ahh, no! Iíve been summoned to serve as a juror at the county courthouse, by authority of the Judges of Superior Court, to appear at 7:45 Monday morning 4/10/12 . . I just knew this would happen some day!
So, since I suffer the atypical psychological disorder called ĎAversion to the Legal System,í Iím making my list of excuses right now.
Iím freshly blind and deaf and have not learned sign language yet.
I think I feel a kidney failure coming on and will probably be on dialysis by Sunday night.
I know everyone in town and pretty much believe they are all guilty.
I know everyone in town and wonít believe any one of them have committed one single illegitimate offense.
I have a compulsive singing disorder and break out in arias against my will. It isnít pretty.
I have no clothes.
I have a gas problem and itís pretty costly.
Iím really not me, I confess, Iíve taken Ann Sextonís niece-in-lawís identity. Iím honestly a resident of Rhode Island.
My dog is on hourly medication.
I donít believe in the judicial system, especially juries.
There is something in my eye.
Iím a poor listener.
Everyone is somebodyís son or daughter, and I am a mother.
But the sun is supposed to show Monday, and you know how seldom that happens.
Iím bugged and it is a subdural implant, sorry.
Iím moving tomorrow. Probably to Florida or someplace warm.