Blogs by Betty Anne Grillo
Do money problems cause break-ups?
6/18/2012 5:41:26 AM
Be part of the team, not the one who blames others
Do money problems cause break-ups?
Money is a very powerful thing in life. When there is plenty of it to go around, there are also plenty of smiles. What about those times when there just isn’t enough money at the end of the month?
As a paralegal I sat across the desk from countless numbers of people who were in denial about the sorry state of their finances. More often than not, when I worked with a couple I found that the burden of paying the bills fell on the shoulders of one person or the other. Couples in financial distress rarely work together to handle the family finances. One person writes the checks, and the other dishes out the blame. With the blame comes a natural tendency to pretend things are ok, or hide the reality from the other person. Anyone would want to avoid or run away from painful arguments. It is human nature.
Sometimes the person entrusted with the task of writing the checks appears to be the one most qualified. Usually, the other person actually wanted no part of the dirty job of paying the bills or creating a budget, but was so very quick to criticize how their partner handled things. Too often, I saw that handling the finances even allowed a person to manipulate the numbers for their own benefit, thinking no one would ever find out.
When it finally comes down to facing the truth, very often it is discovered that someone was hiding the ugly financial mess from the other. Always hoping that a windfall could change the situation, the lies begin and the trust erodes. The ways that we interact with each other, good and bad, tend to be amplified in a setting that involves money. Maybe it is the control it breeds over another person or situation, or just the feeling of power it brings. No matter what the initial motivation was, pretending or lying about finances in a relationship—married or otherwise—leads to mistrust and breakups.
The underlying character issues that cause someone to lie or hide from the truth are extensive. We’ll leave those questions to the psychologists. What couples need to do is face the current financial situation, initially treat the symptoms (overdrawn checking accounts, harassing phone calls, constant fighting about money) and then choose to work together to find the cure. The blame game is a dead end. You won’t find any solutions there.
Once the fires are put out, you can learn a better way to handle tough financial matters. Don’t choose to sacrifice your relationship over money until you investigate ways to improve the process of dealing with your budget and sharing the responsibilities. If you work together, as a team, there is no one to blame.
Join me at www.sunsetdreambooks.com to learn how to face your financial situation in a positive way. You and your partner deserve a fresh start. It is time to put money back into its place in your relationship—and focus on the healing and restoration of trust and respect.
All my best!
SUNSET DREAM BOOKS
***Where knowledge and compassion join forces to empower and encourage others***
Post a Comment new!
More Blogs by Betty Anne Grillo
What Your Neighbors Don't Know Abour Your Life - Wednesday, July 11, 2012
A Special Needs Child in the Family - Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Uncertainty creates fear and anxiety - Monday, July 09, 2012
Bankruptcy is a fresh start, not a disgrace - Friday, July 06, 2012
Could "book smarts" ever replace "street smarts"? - Thursday, July 05, 2012
#Food for Thought—and I sure hope you’re #hungry! - Wednesday, July 04, 2012
The Passing of Andy Griffith - Tuesday, July 03, 2012
New day, new desire, new direction! - Monday, July 02, 2012
SUNDAY SILLIES 07-01-2012 - Sunday, July 01, 2012
The other “B” word – #BUDGET - Saturday, June 30, 2012
The Truth is Always Somewhere in the Middle - Friday, June 29, 2012
Time to take a #SCOTUS breath! - Thursday, June 28, 2012
Do men and women handle #bankruptcy differently? - Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Do men and women handle bankruptcy differently? - Tuesday, June 26, 2012
The Symptoms of an Unhealthy Budget: Part Four - Monday, June 25, 2012
Louis Gossett, Jr - Sunday, June 24, 2012
SUNDAY SILLIES 06-24-2012 - Sunday, June 24, 2012
Have you had a part in saving a life? - Saturday, June 23, 2012
The Symptoms of an Unhealthy Budget: Part Three - Saturday, June 23, 2012
The Symptoms of an Unhealthy Budget - Friday, June 22, 2012
The Symptoms of an Unhealthy Budget - Thursday, June 21, 2012
Can you really negotiate with credit card companies to pay less than the full balance? - Wednesday, June 20, 2012
Do your elderly parents have trouble paying their bills? - Tuesday, June 19, 2012
Do money problems cause break-ups? - Monday, June 18, 2012
WHAT WILL I DO IF SOMEONE ASKS ME TO DANCE? - Sunday, June 17, 2012
HAVING LESS TO SPEND COSTS YOU MORE IN THE END - Saturday, June 16, 2012
I'm late, I'm late, for a very important... - Friday, June 15, 2012
WHEN THE “B” WORD STANDS FOR BANKRUPTCY - Thursday, June 14, 2012
Has your net worth decreased dramatically? - Wednesday, June 13, 2012
What dreams have you had to put on hold? - Tuesday, June 12, 2012
How much longer can you hold out? - Monday, June 11, 2012
Sunday "Sillies" 06-10-2012 - Sunday, June 10, 2012
Saturdays aren't the same for you, are they? - Saturday, June 09, 2012
When charging items like food and gas purchases get us into trouble - Friday, June 08, 2012
If money can fix it, it's not a disaster - Thursday, June 07, 2012
I know it feels good to shop, but... - Wednesday, June 06, 2012
Your health is most important! - Tuesday, June 05, 2012
Common Personal Bankruptcy Myths and Facts - Monday, June 04, 2012
Sunday Sillies June 3, 2012 - Sunday, June 03, 2012
383,000 New Unemployment Claims - Saturday, June 02, 2012
How Much More Can You Take? - Friday, June 01, 2012
Life is too short to face financial problems every day! - Thursday, May 31, 2012
A new book about surviving widowhood - Wednesday, May 30, 2012
A handshake and a smile - Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Where did all that money go? - Monday, May 28, 2012
Sunday "Sillies" - Sunday, May 27, 2012
Unemployment numbers - Saturday, May 26, 2012
The Launch of Sunset Dream Books - Saturday, May 26, 2012