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Blogs by William Rogers
The Other Side
6/21/2004 7:33:58 AM
Okay, I write chilling novels that I hope will keep you awake during the night. But there's another side of me, one's that humorous; and it's that side that often attracts me to other humorous people. One such person was Hap Williamson, a fairly elderly farmer whom I baled hay for during the summer of '71. The following is the conservation we had before the start of the work day.
Me: "Might rain later today."
Hap: "Yelp."
Me: "How many rows of hay are we gonna bale?"
Hap: "'Bout thirty, give or take twenty."
Me: "Is Hap your real name?"
Hap: "Yelp."
Me: "Does it stand for Happy or Hapless?"
Hap: "Depends on my mood."
Me: "Been a farmer all your life?"
Hap: "Yelp."
Me: "Are ya married?"
Hap: "Yelp. So is my wife. We got six kids. All are doin' okay except for Arnie. He's in Africa, trying to teach a bunch of cottonpickin' cannibals how to eat French fries and cole slaw. Reckon he ain't too smart. The oldest of the kids, Jane, is the smartest. She lives in Wyoming. Got a letter from her the other day. Said she was still working on a an oil rig. Said she was lookin' for a lawyer to marry. Got a letter from her yeterday. Said she'd found one. She called early this morning and said that her future husband is gonna take her to Egypt so she can smell how bad a camel's breath is."
Me: "Been married long?"
Hap: "Forty years. We---you like women with big butts?"
Me: "As long as she's a good woman, yes."
Hap: "My wife, Alice, has a big ass. Damn thing was big when I married her, so I guess that makes me a big butt man."
Me: "I bet your wife is a great cook, huh?"
Hap: "Yelp. Best there is. Jus' the other day she whipped up a pot of chili. Best I ever had. Damn chili beans bothered me though. spent half the night fartin'. Alice finally got tired of it and pushed me out of bed. Angered me, so I pushed her out of bed. We spent the rest of the night on the floor. Best sex I'd had in years. Pounded at least four farts out of her."
Me: "Uh, do you have any cows here on the farm?"
Hap: "No, but we have cows."
Me: "Chickens?"
Hap: "What about 'em?"
Me: "Do you have chickens?"
Hap: "Yelp. Big cock, too. Biggest durn rooster in the county. People always laugh after I tell 'em I have a big cock. The wife---well, she has a big pussy. Damn cat won't stop growing. I told Alice the other day that I'm gettin' damn tired of her pussy. She got mad and threw a confounded watermelon at me. Pertneart knocked me out."
Me: "Any sheep here on the farm?"
Hap: "Not really. I did manage to get a fews hours of sleep last night."
Me: "Do you wear a hearing aid?"
Hap: "Yelp--but only when I'm not in a church."
Me: "You think we should gt to work?"
Hap: "Yelp."
And to work we went.
W.R.
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More Blogs by William Rogers
• From Santa's Woman - Monday, December 18, 2006
• It Ain't Easy - Friday, December 15, 2006
• Dear Santa - Wednesday, November 29, 2006
• STUFF - Tuesday, November 07, 2006
• Vote for me, maybe - Wednesday, November 01, 2006
• Fudder's Day - Sunday, June 18, 2006
• E-ster - Saturday, April 08, 2006
• Green Day - Friday, March 18, 2005
• At The Grocery Store - Friday, August 13, 2004
• Five Months Now - Saturday, August 07, 2004
• What I'd Like To Hear - Thursday, June 24, 2004
• The Other Side - Monday, June 21, 2004
• Pa's Day - Monday, June 14, 2004
• Upcoming 4th of July - Sunday, June 13, 2004
• Advice - Tuesday, June 01, 2004
• Qwest - Sunday, May 30, 2004
• TV commercials - Friday, May 14, 2004
• A New Pill - Sunday, April 04, 2004
• Nothin' Important - Wednesday, March 17, 2004
• The Move - Monday, March 08, 2004
• Excuses - Tuesday, February 24, 2004
• Silly Tips - Monday, February 23, 2004
• Fryday Da Thurteenth - Friday, February 13, 2004
• Blog Syndrome - Sunday, February 01, 2004
• Cold as hell? - Wednesday, January 28, 2004
• VD-2004 - Wednesday, January 07, 2004
• Snowstorm - Saturday, January 03, 2004
• Hoppy Knew Yur - Sunday, December 28, 2003
• Santa Was Nice To Me - Thursday, December 25, 2003
• Santa Droppings - Tuesday, December 23, 2003
• Eve's New Year - Thursday, December 18, 2003
• 2004 - Thursday, December 18, 2003
• Santa's Weight - Sunday, December 14, 2003
• A Well Digger's Ass - Thursday, December 11, 2003
• Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow - Wednesday, December 10, 2003
• Dear Santa Part 2 - Saturday, December 06, 2003
• Dear Santa - Friday, December 05, 2003
• Blog, Iowa? - Wednesday, November 12, 2003
• Curl Up With A Good Book - Saturday, November 08, 2003
• Leftover Ghost - Tuesday, November 04, 2003
• 10-31-03 - Friday, October 31, 2003
• This and That - Monday, October 27, 2003
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