Aye, then... time to refocus, as time allows, and let you know what's been going on. I started a long, rambling journey Monday, in words, not in travel. It was a monolgue about what goes through a bipolar mind when the walls close in. After I re-read at it, I decided that it didn't make much sense. I dusted off "Surrealistic Pillow Revisited," added a couple of things, and put it out there as an explanation. This is, mind you, ater a hefty dose of lithium with a Seroquel chaser. At that point, I felt I could almost describe what it's like to be trapped in a mind that won't cooperate.
For those of you who wonder why it takes time between my poems, it isn't all looking for topics and doing research. Sometimes, this brain of mine gets stuck between up and down. When it's up, I can write an amazing amount of mostly trash. When it's down, nothing develops. I wait for a neutral state, where I'm balanced enough to make rational decisions. Not only in my writing, but in my daily life, as well.
As I sit here and write, I'm hunting for inspiration. I have many pieces started (as I'm sure most of you do) but I'm not quite sure where they should be taken. From the manic mind, there can be a few gems. It takes a calm one to sort out the debris. I'm tosing out the trash, searching for treasures that might be mixed in with the refuse. It's an interesting task, looking back at my mind's state, while trying to avoid triggers. You could compare it to a brisk sumer's walk in a minefield.
This is why I don't put myself on a numbers-based writing schedule. That is, i don't feel I HAVE to have so many pieces out there on AD, or people will think I'm just a dilletante. I'd rather have a few sound pieces, than hundreds of off-the-cuff rants or emotional outbursts. Rants and emotions are fine; I like to have more control over how I present mine.
There isn't much else to add this week. I'm slowly working back to a saner pace, where I can structure what I write. I think that's the biggest difference between how I write now, and how I wrote when I first rejoined the community of poets. My earliest stuff is replete with raw, manic reaction, or an occasional piece pulled out in the middle of a depression. i hope I've learned better since then.
Nothing of writer's value in this blog entry, I'm afraid. I'll write again next week.