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Sandy Knauer

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War On Sex
7/19/2005 7:15:03 AM    [ Flag as Inappropriate ]

ever seen a sexy piece of elephant?


Face it; the right wing has waged an all out war on sex. Nothing else matters. They’re obsessed, and so insanely jealous of anyone who is sexy, has sex, enjoys or talks about sex without shame or fear, that they make fools of themselves trying to eradicate sex. I wish they would come out and admit their war on sex because it might relieve them of the misery they’re spilling into the universe (which may account for some of the toxins in our air, but I’ll save that for another time).

Cleverly, they choose candidates, advisors, and spokespeople who appear to be asexual; people who are so sexually repulsive no one would entertain the possibility of their being involved in a sex scandal because it would require imagining them in that role and the thought is too much for a normal human to bear.

Imagine what your stomach would do if you had to picture Dick Cheney, Rush Limbaugh, Scott McClellan, Karl Rove, or any Bush in an intimate situation. There went my breakfast. Anyone wanting to lose a few pounds might take it even further, and picture combinations of the group, say Dick with Karl, Scott with George, Rush with Jenna. The extremely brave can visualize an orgy with a swing-your-partner- do-si-do where they all switch partners. Quick, pass the barf bag.

The Bushites have reached the point they openly admit they enjoy flip-flopping and duplicity. The want to reduce Rove’s crime from treason to perjury, and accuse the Democrats of playing politics. Sweet of them, now that they’ve soaked every political advantage they could out of the situation and think there’s nothing left to gain. And they will overlook the many lies Rove and Bush have crammed down their throats about the Plume outing, because it’s the sex, stupid, and face it; there was no sex involved.

Perjury only matters to them when a sexy man is involved. Lies don’t count unless you can actually dream about sex with the liar and not wake up screaming, and outing is only a sin or a crime if it involves sexual orientation. They’re more afraid of someone else having semen in the throat than they are of the lies they’re choking on, and prefer the hourly figurative screwing they receive from their asexual leaders over a literal toss in the sack with their asexual partners.

That’s fine for them, but do they really have to begrudge the rest of us a healthy relationship or a wet dream with sexy partners and leaders? Spoil sports. Many of us would need anti-depressants or, heaven forbid, illegal drugs if not for our imaginative relationships with Bill, Al, Obama, and Hillary. Leave our healthier options alone.

There’s good news for our asexual warmongering friends. We sex freaks are fully capable of doing more than one thing at a time. Don’t be fooled by the fact that Georgie boy can’t ride a bike while he plans a bombing, or eat a pretzel and watch TV without an accident. Think back to the Clinton days. Some people can engage in sex, give a speech, and keep peace all at the same time. Remember the Gore airline security proposal? Proof that sexy and intelligent can exist in the same body.

This war on sex is unnecessary, but I have faith sexy Americans can fight back if the asexuals continue to wage it. We can multi-task - fight the war on sex while we impeach, save social security, balance the budget, and fight for decent Supreme Court nominees.

Sandy Knauer


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More Blogs by Sandy Knauer
• No Resolutions Here - Friday, January 04, 2008
• Link to flagged article - Thursday, March 15, 2007
• God Does Make Garbage - And Other Annoying News - Friday, February 09, 2007
• Action Alert: AFA at it again - Wednesday, January 24, 2007
• Kid-free Zone - Sunday, December 10, 2006
• He Deserves Better - Saturday, September 30, 2006
• Glasses or Stage? - Wednesday, August 16, 2006
• A Walk With My Real Mother - Friday, August 11, 2006
• Al Gore and My High School Reunion - Thursday, July 06, 2006
• Damn You - Sunday, July 02, 2006
• And Not So Great First Dates - Sunday, June 25, 2006
• Great Dates - Sunday, June 25, 2006
• Happy Father's Day For Me - Saturday, June 17, 2006
• We Don't Share Crayons - Friday, June 16, 2006
• Roly-poly Slobber - Monday, June 12, 2006
• John Wayne and Elvis Were Full of Shit and You Probably Are Too - Monday, June 05, 2006
• Ignorance Is Bliss - Monday, May 29, 2006
• Let It Be - Thursday, April 27, 2006
• Can We Leave Justice to the Luck of the Draw? - Friday, April 14, 2006
• Gospel of Judas - Thursday, April 06, 2006
• Healthcare Costs – How We Turn Molehills into Mountains - Tuesday, March 28, 2006
• Feather Light - Monday, March 20, 2006
• Dissecting Charity - Saturday, March 11, 2006
• Sublime Abandon - Monday, March 06, 2006
• Behind the Headlines - Saturday, March 04, 2006
• Define Education - Saturday, March 04, 2006
• My American Idol Pick - Wednesday, March 01, 2006
• Tepid Judgment - Tuesday, February 28, 2006
• Purpose - Thursday, February 23, 2006
• HUH? - Tuesday, February 21, 2006
• Coddled Insanity - Sunday, February 19, 2006
• Ooops, My Bad - Thursday, February 16, 2006
• I Don't Need A Wife - Monday, February 13, 2006
• Fuzzy Edges - Monday, February 13, 2006
• Who's Reading - Sunday, February 05, 2006
• Patriotism Without Compassion - Friday, February 03, 2006
• Is Literary a Dirty Word - Friday, February 03, 2006
• Bottled Promises - Wednesday, February 01, 2006
• All The Lies - Tuesday, January 31, 2006
• Suspended In Time - Monday, January 30, 2006
• Plea to Democratic Party - Tuesday, January 24, 2006
• correction - Friday, January 13, 2006
• Alito's Sideshow and Abortion Soapbox - Wednesday, January 11, 2006
• Hard To Swallow Those Extra Words - Friday, January 06, 2006
• While You Were Sleeping - Monday, December 19, 2005
• Where Do Angels Hide - Tuesday, December 06, 2005
• Bob's Dinner - Sunday, November 13, 2005
• There, But For The Grace of God - Tuesday, November 08, 2005
• Delay Precedent - Friday, November 04, 2005
• Forget Stupid Apologies - Wednesday, November 02, 2005
• Once Upon Another Time - Thursday, September 22, 2005
• Remember Him When - Wednesday, September 21, 2005
• Somewhere In The Middle - Tuesday, September 20, 2005
• I Can't - Monday, September 19, 2005
• Twister Anyone? - Thursday, September 08, 2005
• Application Denied - Wednesday, September 07, 2005
• Timeline - Monday, September 05, 2005
• What Time Is It - Saturday, September 03, 2005
• My Hundred Thirty-Two Pounds Worth On Dating - Wednesday, August 24, 2005
• Across The Board - Thursday, August 11, 2005
• A Day For News - Thursday, August 04, 2005
•  War On Sex - Tuesday, July 19, 2005  
• Warning: This News Contains Mixed Messages That May Be Hazardous To Your Mental Health - Friday, July 15, 2005
• Action alerts - Thursday, July 14, 2005
• Ten Rules of Conduct - Monday, June 27, 2005
• What Exactly Is a Quagmire? - Thursday, June 23, 2005
• Who Are You? - Sunday, June 19, 2005
• What right does Wendy Wright - Saturday, June 04, 2005
• Huh? - Thursday, June 02, 2005
• Bush honors war dead? - Tuesday, May 31, 2005
• Bras and Burqas - Tuesday, May 31, 2005
• Huh? - Saturday, May 28, 2005
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• Dead Wrong - Thursday, March 31, 2005
• Speaking of starvation . . . - Thursday, March 31, 2005
• Some Interesting Misconceptions - Saturday, March 26, 2005
• Who gave Donald Iarussi permission to speak for Democrats? - Monday, March 21, 2005
• we must always err on the side of life" - Monday, March 21, 2005
• Did the Punishment Fit the Crime? - Saturday, March 19, 2005
• Open Letter To the FOP - Sunday, March 13, 2005
• Land of the Rich and Silent War - Tuesday, March 08, 2005
• Another question - Sunday, March 06, 2005
• AD Messages - Wednesday, March 02, 2005
• Breakfast, Soda Machines and Cigarettes - Thursday, February 24, 2005
• A few questions about Social Security - Friday, February 11, 2005
• Here's the Beef - Wednesday, February 09, 2005
• More supporting the troops? - Monday, February 07, 2005
• Action links - Monday, February 07, 2005
• Support the Troops?? - Monday, February 07, 2005
• Was It Really About Morals? - Sunday, February 06, 2005
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• Strawberry Lane - Sunday, January 09, 2005
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• Got an extra $25,000 ?? - Wednesday, January 05, 2005
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• Generous? - Wednesday, December 29, 2004
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• Today's Questions - Thursday, December 23, 2004
• More questions... - Wednesday, December 22, 2004
• One more down... - Monday, December 20, 2004
• Confused again - Monday, December 20, 2004
• Wishful Writing - Monday, December 13, 2004
• Uncle Charles Hates Towel Heads and Queers - Sunday, December 05, 2004
• The Value of Diplomacy - Thursday, December 02, 2004
• Malnourishment doubles in Iraq - Thursday, November 25, 2004
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• Next . . . - Wednesday, November 17, 2004
• Open Letter To Southeast Christian Church - Tuesday, November 16, 2004
• Rest In Peace - Sunday, November 14, 2004
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• Who Are They Hurting? - Sunday, November 07, 2004
• The Sorrow Runs Much Deeper - Saturday, November 06, 2004
• Morality? - Saturday, November 06, 2004
• Protect My Freedom - Wednesday, October 20, 2004
• Race For Terre Bluff - Monday, September 13, 2004
• The War On Truth - Sunday, August 15, 2004
• Did he really say that? - Thursday, August 12, 2004
• Did John Kerry vote for Bush's war in Iraq? - Thursday, August 05, 2004
• It's time to let the men do the shopping - Friday, July 30, 2004
• School Prayer - Friday, July 30, 2004
• God Love Her - Monday, July 05, 2004
• Prayer Requests - Tuesday, May 11, 2004
• For a good time, call Bill Chambers - Tuesday, March 16, 2004
• what's the issue? - Wednesday, February 11, 2004
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A Man of the Twentieth Century by Rosemarie Skaine

Recollections of Warren V. Keller, a Nebraskan as told to Rosemarie Keller Skaine and James C. Skaine..  
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