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Sandy Knauer

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Times Tables (Hardcover)
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Blogs by Sandy Knauer

You Will Have A Concrete Garage
2/5/2005 11:25:43 AM
You Will Have a Concrete Garage

“Call the fire department!” Ira shouted for his wife as he unlocked the back door to run out to his burning garage. Flames rolled out the side windows and crackling wood discouraged him from going any close than the picnic table midway between the house and garage.

His wife and father-in-law joined him, leaving the mother-in-law watching through the window with the children. They waited, in shock and awe, as the sirens approached. “How could this have happened?” the father-in-law wondered aloud.

As the fire engine turned into the alley, Mr. Ame from two doors down backed his SUV out of his garage and blocked the passage, ignoring the engine’s horn and orders to move from the firemen on board. “Go away,” Mr. Ame shouted. “This isn’t your business.”

Too angry to think about the danger, Ira ran past the flaming remains of his property, through the back gate, and confronted Mr. Ame. “Move your truck. My garage is burning.”

“Don’t fight me,” Mr. Ame warned. “It’s for your own good. I want you to have a concrete block garage.”

The firefighters jumped off the truck. One tried to wrestle the SUV key from Mr. Ame but was stopped by an army of police officers who had been waiting inside Mr. Ame’s garage.

“Stay back or we’ll have to arrest you for insurgence,” the leader of the pack warned.

“Are you crazy?” the driver of the fire engine asked. “This is our domain. There’s a fire up the block, and it is in our district. Move the SUV.”

“Mr. Ames is the wealthiest, strongest man on this bock,” the cop explained. “If he wants Ira to have a concrete block garage, then that’s what Ira will have. Butt out.”

“But I don’t want a concrete garage,” Ira argued. “I’m happy with wood.” He looked back at the flaming mess and shook his head. “I have pigeons in there. My Hyundai. Things I care about are being destroyed.”

“You ungrateful son-of-a-bitch,” Mr. Ame shouted. “I sacrificed an hour of sleep to get out her early enough to minimize the risk to your family and the neighbors. My family is forfeiting a European vacation to build your concrete block garage and this is the thanks we get?”

“Bull,” Ira countered. “Your brother builds concrete garages. Don’t tell me you are sacrificing anything. I’m losing my property. I built that garage myself.”

Mr. Ame’s family rallied around him, “My husband is a good man,” his wife spat. “How dare you look a gift horse in the mouth?”

“I don’t want your gift,” Ira said. “I want my garage just the way it was.”

Frank Herman bound through the gate across the way. “This argument is ridiculous. A brick garage is what he needs.”

Mr. Ame backhanded Frank. “You’ll rue the day you contradicted my will,” he frothed. “This is between me and Ira.”

“How?” Ira asked. “I didn’t welcome your input. I didn’t ask your advice and I don’t want your concrete. Leave me in peace to live the way I want to live.”

“Oh, no you don’t” Ira’s father-in-law chimed in. “He’s going to repair the damage he’s caused now. He ruined your garage, he’ll fix it.”

Mrs. Ame rolled her eyes at a police officer. “As usual. The old man’s asking for charity. First they insult us, and then they want our money when times get tough. Same old story.”

“Yeah,” an Ame daughter shouted from the background. She waved her pom poms. “Push ‘em back, push ‘em back, waaay back,” she chanted.

“Let me beat up Ira Junior,” her twin brother offered. “Can I, Dad?”

Mr. Ame gave his son a thumb up. “Your loyalty warms my heart. Go get him. He asked for it.”

Sandy Knauer



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More Blogs by Sandy Knauer
• No Resolutions Here - Friday, January 04, 2008
• Link to flagged article - Thursday, March 15, 2007
• God Does Make Garbage - And Other Annoying News - Friday, February 09, 2007
• Action Alert: AFA at it again - Wednesday, January 24, 2007
• Kid-free Zone - Sunday, December 10, 2006
• He Deserves Better - Saturday, September 30, 2006
• Glasses or Stage? - Wednesday, August 16, 2006
• A Walk With My Real Mother - Friday, August 11, 2006
• Al Gore and My High School Reunion - Thursday, July 06, 2006
• Damn You - Sunday, July 02, 2006
• And Not So Great First Dates - Sunday, June 25, 2006
• Great Dates - Sunday, June 25, 2006
• Happy Father's Day For Me - Saturday, June 17, 2006
• We Don't Share Crayons - Friday, June 16, 2006
• Roly-poly Slobber - Monday, June 12, 2006
• John Wayne and Elvis Were Full of Shit and You Probably Are Too - Monday, June 05, 2006
• Ignorance Is Bliss - Monday, May 29, 2006
• Let It Be - Thursday, April 27, 2006
• Can We Leave Justice to the Luck of the Draw? - Friday, April 14, 2006
• Gospel of Judas - Thursday, April 06, 2006
• Healthcare Costs – How We Turn Molehills into Mountains - Tuesday, March 28, 2006
• Feather Light - Monday, March 20, 2006
• Dissecting Charity - Saturday, March 11, 2006
• Sublime Abandon - Monday, March 06, 2006
• Behind the Headlines - Saturday, March 04, 2006
• Define Education - Saturday, March 04, 2006
• My American Idol Pick - Wednesday, March 01, 2006
• Tepid Judgment - Tuesday, February 28, 2006
• Purpose - Thursday, February 23, 2006
• HUH? - Tuesday, February 21, 2006
• Coddled Insanity - Sunday, February 19, 2006
• Ooops, My Bad - Thursday, February 16, 2006
• I Don't Need A Wife - Monday, February 13, 2006
• Fuzzy Edges - Monday, February 13, 2006
• Who's Reading - Sunday, February 05, 2006
• Patriotism Without Compassion - Friday, February 03, 2006
• Is Literary a Dirty Word - Friday, February 03, 2006
• Bottled Promises - Wednesday, February 01, 2006
• All The Lies - Tuesday, January 31, 2006
• Suspended In Time - Monday, January 30, 2006
• Plea to Democratic Party - Tuesday, January 24, 2006
• correction - Friday, January 13, 2006
• Alito's Sideshow and Abortion Soapbox - Wednesday, January 11, 2006
• Hard To Swallow Those Extra Words - Friday, January 06, 2006
• While You Were Sleeping - Monday, December 19, 2005
• Where Do Angels Hide - Tuesday, December 06, 2005
• Bob's Dinner - Sunday, November 13, 2005
• There, But For The Grace of God - Tuesday, November 08, 2005
• Delay Precedent - Friday, November 04, 2005
• Forget Stupid Apologies - Wednesday, November 02, 2005
• Once Upon Another Time - Thursday, September 22, 2005
• Remember Him When - Wednesday, September 21, 2005
• Somewhere In The Middle - Tuesday, September 20, 2005
• I Can't - Monday, September 19, 2005
• Twister Anyone? - Thursday, September 08, 2005
• Application Denied - Wednesday, September 07, 2005
• Timeline - Monday, September 05, 2005
• What Time Is It - Saturday, September 03, 2005
• My Hundred Thirty-Two Pounds Worth On Dating - Wednesday, August 24, 2005
• Across The Board - Thursday, August 11, 2005
• A Day For News - Thursday, August 04, 2005
• War On Sex - Tuesday, July 19, 2005
• Warning: This News Contains Mixed Messages That May Be Hazardous To Your Mental Health - Friday, July 15, 2005
• Action alerts - Thursday, July 14, 2005
• Ten Rules of Conduct - Monday, June 27, 2005
• What Exactly Is a Quagmire? - Thursday, June 23, 2005
• Who Are You? - Sunday, June 19, 2005
• What right does Wendy Wright - Saturday, June 04, 2005
• Huh? - Thursday, June 02, 2005
• Bush honors war dead? - Tuesday, May 31, 2005
• Bras and Burqas - Tuesday, May 31, 2005
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• I Feel - Saturday, April 30, 2005
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• Dead Wrong - Thursday, March 31, 2005
• Speaking of starvation . . . - Thursday, March 31, 2005
• Some Interesting Misconceptions - Saturday, March 26, 2005
• Who gave Donald Iarussi permission to speak for Democrats? - Monday, March 21, 2005
• we must always err on the side of life" - Monday, March 21, 2005
• Did the Punishment Fit the Crime? - Saturday, March 19, 2005
• Open Letter To the FOP - Sunday, March 13, 2005
• Land of the Rich and Silent War - Tuesday, March 08, 2005
• Another question - Sunday, March 06, 2005
• AD Messages - Wednesday, March 02, 2005
• Breakfast, Soda Machines and Cigarettes - Thursday, February 24, 2005
• A few questions about Social Security - Friday, February 11, 2005
• Here's the Beef - Wednesday, February 09, 2005
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• Was It Really About Morals? - Sunday, February 06, 2005
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•  You Will Have A Concrete Garage - Saturday, February 05, 2005  
• Clarence’s Appendix - Saturday, February 05, 2005
• Return To Yesterday - Saturday, February 05, 2005
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• Strawberry Lane - Sunday, January 09, 2005
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• Today's Questions - Thursday, December 23, 2004
• More questions... - Wednesday, December 22, 2004
• One more down... - Monday, December 20, 2004
• Confused again - Monday, December 20, 2004
• Wishful Writing - Monday, December 13, 2004
• Uncle Charles Hates Towel Heads and Queers - Sunday, December 05, 2004
• The Value of Diplomacy - Thursday, December 02, 2004
• Malnourishment doubles in Iraq - Thursday, November 25, 2004
• Hats Off To the Ukrainians - Thursday, November 25, 2004
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• Open Letter To Southeast Christian Church - Tuesday, November 16, 2004
• Rest In Peace - Sunday, November 14, 2004
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• Who Are They Hurting? - Sunday, November 07, 2004
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• Protect My Freedom - Wednesday, October 20, 2004
• Race For Terre Bluff - Monday, September 13, 2004
• The War On Truth - Sunday, August 15, 2004
• Did he really say that? - Thursday, August 12, 2004
• Did John Kerry vote for Bush's war in Iraq? - Thursday, August 05, 2004
• It's time to let the men do the shopping - Friday, July 30, 2004
• School Prayer - Friday, July 30, 2004
• God Love Her - Monday, July 05, 2004
• Prayer Requests - Tuesday, May 11, 2004
• For a good time, call Bill Chambers - Tuesday, March 16, 2004
• what's the issue? - Wednesday, February 11, 2004
• Principles above Popularity? - Thursday, January 29, 2004
• condescending arrogance - Saturday, January 24, 2004
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• Medicare/Social Security - Saturday, December 27, 2003


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