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BONUS BLOG - CHESS WITH PATTON
12/14/2009 9:12:36 AM    [ Flag as Inappropriate ]


A good friend and erudite broadcast journalist named Paul Robinson retired early from the grind in Western New York and moved from the frozen tundra along Lake Ontario to the paradise of Hawaii. In those halcyon years I was “moonlighting” during my own adventures in TV/radio as a travel agency owner, and spending an inordinate amount of time in the Islands---from 1966 to 1987 I journeyed to the Sandwich Archipelago no less than seventy-seven times for residences averaging a fortnight or more.

Many of those delightful days and evenings were spent with Paul and some of his friends, one of whom was a charming Hawaiian gentleman I will, for purposes of this narrative, call Dunstead Kalani. Robinson introduced me to Kalani, a rare pure-blooded native, at a Honolulu tavern during one of my early visits, and the three of us became “regulars” who often met for lunch in one bistro or another and remained until well after closing.

Kalani, a tall and thin fellow of infinite talent and intellect, seemed to be a person of means. I was never entirely sure what, if anything, he did for a living, but beneath his head of curly brushed cotton, behind his intense protean brown eyes, and buried in the burnished golden tapestry of his tight, smooth skin was an anxious and nervous observer of the passing parade, a person of remarkable reflective resource.

“Do you know George C. Scott?” he asked me one day in 1976.

I looked up from my first glass of 'medicine' for the day. “The actor?”

“Yes, the same. The General himself. Patton. Buck Turgidson. He’s shooting a Hemingway piece called ‘Islands in the Stream’ over in Kauai. I’ve got a small part, non-speaking, a typecast extra actually. Wanna go over with me tomorrow?”

Did I! I could barely sleep that night, and the next morning I was at the Honolulu airport two hours before our scheduled nineteen-minute flight aboard Aloha Airlines to the Garden Isle of Kauai.

“Islands in the Stream”, a pre-World War II tale based on a series of stories by Ernest Hemingway (the original, which would have become novel had the author not put the barrel of shotgun in his mouth, was titled with a singular ‘Island’ but pluralized by Denne Bart Petitclerc, the TV writer credited with ‘Bonanza’ and ‘Shane’, who had adapted the stories) took place in the Caribbean. For reasons never made clear to me, it was being filmed in Kauai, perhaps because the director, Franklin Schaffner, wanted to provide his cast and crew with a more memorable time than they might find in Nassau, while shooting a movie that would go on to become a classic for Mr. Scott and glomming on to an Oscar nomination.

When Dunstead Kalani showed up minutes before departure, he erupted with laughter at my schoolboy excitement. “God,” he guffawed, “you look like something Dr. Seuss dragged in! What’d you do---sleep here all night?”

Two Screwdrivers during the flight to Kauai made me a new man. But the moment I met George C. Scott, sporting a gray Hemingwayesque beard, I was reduced again to a trembling frond of cinematic adulation. Bigger Than Life? I might have felt that way about Claire Bloom, Gilbert Roland, David Hemmings, Jack Lemmon, Walter Matthau, Maureen Stapleton, Perry Como or Paul Newman, all of whom I had met at one time or another---but not George C. Scott. No siree! This guy was not just Bigger Than Life---he was twelve feet tall! He was Gargantua! Pantagruel! King Kong! Enceladus! A 4-Star General in denim shorts, a Tillie hat and tattered t-shirt!

“Hi,” he said, his voice a dump truck unloading the rubble of Pompeii, “you play chess? You like brandy?” He stuck out his hand, but I, idiot to the end, stepped back and . . . saluted!

“Hah!” giggled the star of Dr. Strangelove; “cute, good move!” He embraced Dunstead. “You sure your buddy here ain’t an actor?”

At the end of a long, wide pier jutting into the Pacific was a gleaming Arabian kiosk, a tent open on all sides, broad and flapping in the gentle breeze, beneath which was a card table and two folding director chairs arranged opposite each other across the table. Stenciled on the canvas back of one: MR. SCOTT. On the other: LOSER. In the center was a chessboard boasting 64 squares (red and black) and thirty-two ornate pieces of sculptured plastic (white and black). To the right of each side was a brilliant crystal goblet, and next to one of them was an ornate decanter of amber liquid I soon learned was Larressingle X.O. Grande Reserve Armagnac.

“Tell you what,” said the man who stole ‘Anatomy of a Murder’ from Jimmy Stewart, “Frank’s got a schedule for more’n a dozen shots today, and I’m supposed to be in all of ‘em. Yeah! Between takes, you and me are going to play chess and drink cognac. One sip per move. Gulp if you make a good one. Two if you take a piece. You play chess? Doesn’t matter---I always win, anyway.”

He held two bishops behind his back, and I chose the one in his left hand. White. I would move first. As I reached for the pawn in the third row, he said, “Hold on. Fuel up first.” He poured two inches into each goblet, sampled his and said, “Ha, the Giuoco Piano opening. Bad start. I’ll have your queen in three moves. Give yourself a chance and start with a Ruy Lopez.”

I had no idea what the star of “Jane Eyre” was talking about, but four drinks and five moves later my king was toppled and the first game was over. That day, it turned out, we played twenty-seven games between his being called for “takes”, and I did not win even one, losing three in less than as many moves. We did, however, consume four bottles of Larressingle Armagnac (actually, the man who had taught Paul Newman the art of coherently mumbling understated dialogue in “The Hustler” consumed the lion’s share while denigrating whatever talent for chess I thought I had and emoting in one scene after another for Franklin Schaffner with nary a flubbed line.

At the end of the day, just after sunset, when he bade me a hearty farewell before Dunstead and I departed for Oahu, he put his arm across my shoulder and said, “Kid, you shoot a good stick. But one thing you have to learn: playing chess is nothing like drinking brandy. With brandy, you can think about a lot of other things. But once you touch that first pawn, with chess, all that matters is what you make happen three or four moves down the line. Kubrick taught me that, and he’s the only guy who ever beat me. And Joe Papp taught me how to drink brandy and win acting awards. If you can memorize Shakespeare and do Richard the Third while three sheets in the wind, you can do anything. Have a safe trip home. . . . Do they serve brandy on Aloha Airlines?”

Sadly, Paul Robinson is no longer with us, and the status of Dunstead Kalani is uncertain. George C. Scott shuffled off his mortal coil in 1999. I went on to play at least 32,000 chess games while becoming a less than average player and losing more than 95% of the games played.

My only achievements worth mentioning are my three magnificent children.


Copyright©2009 by Robert A. Mills


SERIALIZATION OF “AURA LEE” – PART EIGHT WILL RESUME AT THE USUAL TIME WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 16


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Dancing In The Dark by Gracie McKeever

A roughneck physical therapist with a disreputable past... A spoiled rich dancer in need of rehab... Find out what happens when classes collide!..  
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