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Denise Love Contreras

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Member Since: Sep, 2006

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Blogs by Denise Love Contreras

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9/16/2006 3:29:50 PM

Hello my name is Angela. I am 41 years old. I was diagnosed with Lupus, FMS and PTSD (Post traumatic stress disorder). I knew I had PTSD but this time they put it in writing.
I was told all of this in the year 2004. It has not been easy for me to accept Lupus and FMS especially because I used to dance Ballet and Jazz and I danced in shows in my teens and early 20s. I use a cane to walk with now. So it has been a big change for me in my life. It has been an experience. I can say I donít wish it on anyone but I am grateful for the Lupus groups I am in ďLiving with Lupus ď it is on yahoo email groups on line. This group has been a wonderful support they have been with me since day one of having Lupus. I am learning to do other things that I did not do when I was working. I am learning to make graphics and learning to enjoy my own company and become my own best friend. I have a choice in life. I can be my best friend or my worst enemy I want to be my friend. Lupus is not easy to live with but if I continue to stay positive it makes it a lot easier to deal with. I have my negative days and that is why I am so glad to be part of the Lupus group I am in we can moan and groan in the group but most of the time we donít we encourage each other and help each other to stay positive.

I have experienced, many symptoms of this disease; painful joints, forgetfulness, I have been using a cane since 2003. Got a walker in 2006 because of my balance. I have bowel problems, donít sleep well at all, cannot sit or stand for long periods of time, cannot lay down for too long, my body gets stiff and hurts all the time. I itch all the time and my skin burns, feels like it is on fire most of the time. I cannot walk for a long time. I have to sit and rest often so the walker with a seat helps a lot. I cannot be in the sun for to long. I go out before it gets real hot out, most of the time I stay in the house because the sun bothers me especially in the summer time. My hair is thinning out; I have been loosing hair since 1995. I am fortunate that my organs are not affected. It took a while for me to find out that I had Lupus. In 1995, I got clean and sober and started to feel lots of pain. I thought it was just from getting sober and getting the drugs and alcohol out of my system. I also left an abusive relationship so I thought all my pains were from being beaten for years. In 1995 I was on state disability because mentally and physically I was not able to wait tables at that time. Then again in 1999 I had to stop working first I had my gall bladder taken out then got into a lot of pain. I could not walk well so I was put back on state disability in 1999 for a year. The doctor I was seeing told me it was arthritis but the pain continued to get worse. The doctor also told me it was because I was abused as a child. I was in physical pain. He did not know I was going to therapy for that he said a lot of it was in my imagination. I have heard that many times in my life. It is not in our imagination. I had no insurance and could not afford to go to doctors all the time.

In 2000 I was in a lot of stress with courts and at the time I did not know it but I got into a bad flair of Lupus. I just did not know it was Lupus at the time. I stopped working again but was not on any disability. I got a job that I would require me to be on my feet so much but it only lasted a little while, every few months I had to stop working then finally in 2003 I had to stop working completely because I woke up and could barely move. I have been in the emergency room many times since 1995. I cannot even count how many times. I thought I was having a heart attack or was dying. Since 2003 I have been to many doctors trying to find out what is wrong with me.
I filed for Social Security disability in 2003 I got accepted for disability in 2006

I thank God that I found out I have Lupus even though it does not take it away, it is a relief to know I have Lupus because it puts a name to this disease. I thought I was dying and going insane with all the pain and all the mind fog forgetting things not remembering what I did the day before or what I ate for lunch. All the pain, with feeling hot and cold all the time. Some days I have not been able to get out of bed at least now I know why. I thank God for my better half he is so understanding he is the only family I have. He is a blessing in my life.
Before I was on any meds my husband had to help me get on and off the toilet he helped me bathe he wheeled me in a wheel chair so I can get out of the house for fresh air. I was unable to walk long periods and some days could not walk at all. I was not able to do much at all so the meds do help me I donít have to be in a wheel chair any more. There is no cure for Lupus it is like a wolf attacking you, you never know when he will attack you but he does he is always there waiting and watching you. That is why they call this disease the wolf. I found my birth mother in March of 2005 she is a blessing in my life. I was hoping to find out if Lupus was in the family but I did not find out because I found out she was adopted.
I have stopped trying to figure out how I got Lupus and why I just have it and I have to deal with it I have to accept it. I thank God for the gifts I have God gives me the strength to walk through life living with Lupus. We can have a good life with Lupus it is just learning to do things different and accepting life differently than I was used to. I get depressed. I have hard times but I thank God for the Love and Strength He provides I some times cannot get out of bed but for what ever reason I am here I am alive and. I love to share with others who have Lupus so we can share and learn from each other.
Lupus can quiet down thatís what some doctorís say is remission, but no matter what you still have to be on guard of the unknown not knowing what will next happen that is why many people who have Lupus cannot make plans to do something ahead of time. I forget sometimes and make plans, most of the plans I make I am unable to keep. I like to read other peopleís experiences with Lupus and how they handle living with depression. I strongly believe in God.
I feel like a Ginny pig with all the medications I take. I know other people with Lupus have taken a lot more than I am but since I have never taken any form of meds except for over the counter this has been a big change for me.
I strongly believe that God is helping me get through this journey in life. I am becoming a different person than I was 11 years ago and a lot of it has to do with stopping drinking and living with Lupus. I am forced to see life differently it is like having a new pair of glasses to see with.
I can say I have received some blessings from this journey of living with Lupus. I am more at peace with who I am today. I donít like having Lupus and I wish I did not have it but I am learning a lot more about myself today and learning to let things be. I enjoy life more in a different way. I used to be so busy all the time never letting myself have time to enjoy life. I was working all the time and involved with so many other things in life. Now I have more time on my hands. I try to be of support for others who have Lupus. I write a lot and keep busy in different ways I make time for myself today a lot more than I used to.
I enjoy reading and learning graphics and sitting with my dog. He is my baby he gives unconditional love. I am getting closer to my Higher Power. I am allowing myself to love more and be loved. Which is a hard thing for me. I have a hard time asking people for help but with Lupus you donít have much of a choice. I am to the point in my life that I have to accept help from others because some days I can hardly move and then some days I can, so it is hard to guess. I have to really stay in the moment not make to many plans ahead of time because many times I cannot keep a commitment. I am learning to listen to my body what it tells me it is not easy for me I am one who does everything or nothing. It is becoming easier to live life with Lupus but then I have some days I just feel like running so I am blessed to have people in my life from the Lupus support group and some other support groups I belong to.
God has brought many wonderful loving people into my life, that is what keeps me going, loving others and trying to share with them that we can have a life even after living a hell on earth full of abuse and living with Lupus we can make a good life for our selves. We have to just reach out and let people know how we feel and let people know we are not lazy. We are human beings just like anyone else we just have to do things a little differently. Some people with Lupus can work some canít, each individual is different we cannot compare ourselves with others but we can share with others and give support to each other. I think back 11 years ago I was living with a man who was abusive. I was drinking and trying to kill myself on a daily basis. Today my life is totally different I have a wonderful man who loves me and takes care of me in any way he can. I donít have a family I had to make a family with the people I have met through the years.
I found my birth mother and that is another blessing. So today living with Lupus is not all that bad. I have my bad days I have my good days. I thank God for the life I have today for the blessings in my life I have to keep positive life has negative and positives it is up to me what I want to look at. To read more about Lupus and FMS and about my life please visit me at my website.
http://www.angelfire.com/me5/angellady95/angelladyintro.html
Also to read my online book for free reading it is on this website:
http://www.angelfire.com/poetry/oneladysjourney/Tableofcontentoneladysjourney.html

Thanks for being here and taking the time to read.

I wish you all the best God bless you all.


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More Blogs by Denise Love Contreras
• Update - Thursday, December 24, 2009
• Christmas and all that you may celibrate. - Thursday, December 24, 2009
• Food menu - Friday, February 06, 2009
• Sharing with you all. - Friday, February 06, 2009
• Update - Friday, January 23, 2009
• News Letter - Saturday, January 10, 2009
• Sharing my daily menu from December 29 throught January 5 - Tuesday, January 06, 2009
• Update - Tuesday, January 06, 2009
• Update on my health and why I have not been around as often. - Friday, January 02, 2009
• Went to the Telethon - Monday, September 03, 2007
• Weight - Monday, August 20, 2007
• Total Loss is 53 pounds - Thursday, May 03, 2007
• Still loosing weight - Sunday, April 15, 2007
• Got home from Hospital March 2007 - Thursday, March 22, 2007
• Lost 32 Pounds - Thursday, March 15, 2007
• Special News Letter - Tuesday, March 13, 2007
• Valentines Day - Wednesday, February 14, 2007
• Changing the way I eat. - Wednesday, February 07, 2007
• My Dear Friend - Sunday, February 04, 2007
• The best thing that happened in my life. - Sunday, January 21, 2007
• Getting Married 1/14/2007 - Wednesday, January 10, 2007
• Happy New year - Monday, January 01, 2007
• Just got home from the Hospital - Saturday, November 04, 2006
•  Sharing more with you - Saturday, September 16, 2006  

• Welcome - Wednesday, September 06, 2006


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