Blogs by La Belle Rouge Poetess Of The Heart
Old Blogs 12
10/2/2009 4:00:04 AM
Entries from a blog I'm deleting
The Creator had endowed our bodies with the ability to feel pain when there is something injurious attacking them. Pain can be a blessing in disguise when it lets us know our bodies are ill and need attention. I think the same thing is true of emotional pain. It lets us know when it's time to seek positive changes in our lives. To find a place of balance where the pain is replaced by a sense of power and serenity. How we find that place is different for each one of us, but most of us know the way we personally must handle our emotional pain. The difficulty comes in finding the courage to make the needed changes.
When you get to a certain place in life and you realize you have lived it trying to lift everyone else's burdens, trying to make others happy, you at last realize you have done so at the expense of your own happiness. You begin to wonder are some people just destined to be caught in a life they are unhappy living. Some say fate is fate and you can't change it. Others say that you make your own destiny. I feel that there must be a middle ground somewhere between fate and determination. The problem is keeping hope and determination alive in the middle of a dark place where there seems to be no way out. Determining within the heart that there IS a way out of the dark and that you will find it, can be the beginning of a new destiny.
Nothing stays the same ergo, whatever it is that is breaking us to pieces will not last forever. We will survive it and move on to other situations or we will leave this plane for another. Either way we do have the sure knowledge that this too shall pass. If we can take one day at a time and find the strength to get through it, the days will eventually add up and with the passing of time things will change. All we have to do is find our path, one step at a time and summon all our strength to walk it in the present moment.
I am considering to be or not to be who and what I have been. To be or not to be where I have been. To be or not to be what I have been to others. To continue to wander around in circles trying to discover at last... who, what and where I really want to be. To accept things as they are or just blast the living hell out of everything and become someone totally different. I am tired of waiting for life when life is rushing past me every moment. Yes I am frustrated bordering on anger at what others have done to me and the way I allowed them to do it. I think maybe I'm at the end now, something has to change. To be or not to be who you want to be, that is the axis of existence and I know now that my life has been totally off center, revolving around what others want, ignoring my own wants and needs. It has not brought the joy promised by "Spiritual" minds. Lose yourself for others, what a crock. The only joy you will find in that is if you enjoy being a martyr to other's dreams. And the only thing you will be is lost to yourself. I have come to realize by bitter experience the first priority is to find yourself, love yourself and stop denying yourself everything you need and want to give others their desires. Personally I don't like being a martyr and sometimes my heart just screams "What about me? Don't I deserve something?" I wish I could have arrived at this place of to be or not to be many years ago but I didn't so all I have now is the time remaining. I want major change and I am going to have it.
Almost everyone who has ever fought in a war and seen any action at all will suffer with post traumatic stress syndrome. And what that means is, they continue to experience fear and guilt long after they are out of danger. It can be mild to severe depending on the horrors they lived through and the nature of the person themselves. I have realized that people who have survived a broken love relationship or a continuing bad one also suffer from this disorder. Reliving all the pain again and again, fearing to love again. Drawing up into a shell and being unable to freely share their hearts again for fear another bomb will fall on them and this time they won't survive it.
It seems like to me we are a bunch of shell shocked zombies, so dead inside. Needing the very thing we are terrified of. I think the electonic age has complicated the whole scene. It's easier to live a fantasy than to get brave enough to sieze a reality. A whole generation is developing that is afraid to openly relate, physically touch, totally open themselves to another person in the flesh. Where is this going to lead in a few years? Love by proxy, one screen to another? You don't have to worry about diseases, or physically walking away if it doesn't work out. But you also miss the fire of a touch, the beauty of seeing yourself in the eyes of the one you love. Words are beautiful and meaningful but they are not hands and lips and cannot convey the same depth of love.
They say the only way to free yourself of fear is to face it head on and conquer it. Too many shell shocked people are hiding in the bunkers of electronic communication and perhaps not only losing the ability to relate to another physically but the very desire to do so. If we lost one battle or even the war, it doesn't mean we are fated to lose the next one!!
I was asked by a male friend recently why women will take the help, the tender affection and attention of a gentle and kind man but in the end they will chose to be with a bad boy type instead. Obviously he had been hurt by such behavior from women he cared for. I thought about it musing as to why it does sometimes happen that way. I believe that in this respect women are not so different from men. More than one man has told me that men want an angel everywhere but the bedroom and there they want a whore. I believe the whole bad boy syndrome is for the same reason. It's sexual. Though many women may not even understand it or admit it to themselves, it is definitely sexual! Women want that little edge of wildness and danger in the bedroom so they tolerate the bad elsewhere to get the wicked there. Now in my opinion a woman should never settle for a rogue when she can have a gentleman rogue. A perfect combination of chivalry and danger. A man of good manners and genteel conversation who also knows how to sexually interest and excite a woman. Giving her the perfect combination of romance and raw sensuality. There may be only a few left but there are still some gentlemen rogues to be found! Good men, bad boys.
What exactly does that mean...being there for another? Does it mean dropping them an impersonal email occasionally, listening to their problems and telling them how sorry you are? Staying at a distance, a safe distance? Does it mean being willing to go the absolute longest distance that you possibly can to be available, interested, caring and yes ever PRESENT if they should actually need you? I've had very few people in my life that were actually there for me when I needed them. Sorrow is something the world does not want to face or handle. Only those who genuinely love you will hold your hand, figuratively and litterally when you are in the throes of sorrow.
I was taught as a child, as were most of us, that being selfish is wrong. I was taught as a child and as an adult by religious faith that being selfish is a sin. I have reconsidered that teaching and come to the conclusion that if you deny what you need in life in order to give others what they need, unless you are a Mother Teresa type, one day you are going to wake up and not even know who you are because you have denied yourself completely all the things that would enrich and support your individuality. Individuality is a good thing if it's under responsible emotional control. Individuality is what produces all the varying textures of life adding color and creativity to our world. Even Christ taught that we must first love ourselves properly in order to be able to love others ie "Love thy neighbor, as thy self"
When it comes to love relationships it is not wrong to insist on being first in your lover's heart and if you are indeed first there then it reasonably follows that you will be first as well in their life. This is not too much to ask and until that happens there is no completion or satisfaction. Until you are number one in his or her heart and life there will be only pain and frustration to deal with everyday of your life and finally love will sicken and die. No selfishness is not a sin.
Some things need to be fixed so badly. Important things, lifetime challenges. But some things are just beyond my capabilities to repair. I know it, but yet I feel a sense of hopeless failure and guilt because I failed to fix them, still cannot fix them and know in my heart that the means of repairing them will forever be beyond my reach and limited ability. My mind knows this and yet my heart aches with hopelessness and accuses me of never doing enough, though I did all I could do and more than most would have done in my situation. Today I am tired but there is no resting from life, it goes on even when we feel we can't walk another step we are forced along on the path by forces stronger than our selves. The best I can hope for is a respite in an oasis somewhere along this arduous path.
By La Belle Rouge
That day, like Pearl Harbor, will live on in infamy forever.
Innocent citizens blown away in an instant
in a war that had never been formally declared.
Taken away in a moment, so ruthlessly and uselessly….
mothers, fathers, husbands, wives, siblings and children,
sacrificed at the altar of misguided religious fanaticism.
It’s been so long ago and yet it lives on in our memories
as though it just happened. We remember and we weep.
So what is to be done about 9/11 now and in years to come?
Many might disagree with my thoughts, they are still
what I think no matter who disagrees with me.
They are still my feelings regardless of who feels differently
Memorials should be built, it is right and fitting to honor the dead
But should movies be made to cause us to relive such horror?
Should footage of the attack be shown over and over on this day
and days preceding the anniversary of 9/11?
A people who dwell in sorrow will never recover joy.
Those who embrace hate will live and die by the sword.
We remember with sorrow, we pray for peace.
We do what we must to defend our nation but we cannot
dwell in the past, the horror and hatred of that infamous day.
We should not replay the images on this day every year.
If we do, we will foster the hatred of future generations
We will close and lock the door against peace forever.
United we can stand and celebrate freedom.
The freedoms we hold dear in our country.
Freedom of speech, freedom of religion,
freedom of life, liberty and the persuit of happiness.
Let us always remember and mourn the innocents lost,
but reach forward to the future, not dwelling in the past.
©9/11/2006 La Belle Rouge
There are those who love in a possessive way. They are obsessed with having you, owning you, controlling you. They love themselves, not you. They need what you can give but they don't know how to give to you. This is not love this is selfishness, for it is their needs, their wants that always matter, never yours... unless they fit into the plan to meet theirs. LOVE is so opposite, it supports your dreams and plans. It encourages you to become all that you can be and it delights in every victory you win, every dream you live. Love is there in good and bad times, rejoicing in your joys, giving you tender empathy in your sorrows. Why do we settle for less than this kind of real love? Is it because we just don't know the difference, because we have never known such love and that it even exists? Is it that we don't feel we are worthy of being loved that way so we settle for something far less? Food for thought. I believe we should have the kind of love that helps to morph us into the person we were created to be, not some twisted one-sided relationship that dwarfs us and tries to push us into another's image of what they need and want. It takes guts to say to yourself, I will be loved this positive way or I will remain alone.
It's liberating to understand the mystery of just"Being", being who you are at the particular moment. Accepting all that you are, the good, the bad and the ugly of "YOU". Letting go of the fears of who you are and what you can be and refusing to feel inferiority or guilt simply for being fallible and human. It seems we sometimes expect more from ourselves than is humanly possible and we can forgive others much more readily than we can forgive ourselves. I want to find that place of self realization and not drift in and out of it. A place of total acceptance of myself leaving the constant striving behind and sinking back into the comfort of just "Being"
Waiting for the page to turn is sometimes a slow process. So often there're things on our page we don't want to read. At times it seems like this is the end of our book and we wish it was. But we never know what day we will wake up and find the page has turned, in a moment, without warning, to a new chapter we could not have even imagined. Maybe this is what keeps us alive, knowing the page could turn at last.
More Blogs by La Belle Rouge Poetess Of The Heart
GREATNESS - Wednesday, November 07, 2012
THANK GOD - Tuesday, November 06, 2012
Vets And Seniors - Monday, November 05, 2012
What to do about Aholes - Thursday, June 07, 2012
When Is It Time? - Friday, February 03, 2012
Daylight - Sunday, January 29, 2012
Better Or Worse? - Sunday, December 04, 2011
Camelot And The Void - Thursday, March 10, 2011
Appalling Justice - Tuesday, March 08, 2011
Goodbye Elizabeth - Wednesday, December 08, 2010
Lisette's Journal, New Book Available now - Thursday, September 09, 2010
Become The Character - Monday, August 16, 2010
Poetry And Great Poetry - Thursday, August 12, 2010
When They Leave - Tuesday, August 03, 2010
When It Rains I Get Soaked - Wednesday, July 28, 2010
New Book Published!! - Friday, July 09, 2010
Dishonoring The Dead - Wednesday, May 19, 2010
YA'LL COME AND GIT IT!!! - Monday, April 26, 2010
My New Book Is Available! - Friday, April 16, 2010
My Sign - Saturday, April 10, 2010
My Birthday - Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Six More Weeks?? - Tuesday, February 02, 2010
SOME HOT STUFF! - Thursday, January 21, 2010
You Never Know - Tuesday, December 29, 2009
SNOW!!!!! - Friday, December 18, 2009
A Rich Christmas - Thursday, December 10, 2009
No Excuse - Saturday, November 14, 2009
Veterans Day - Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Happy Birthday Dear Alexandra - Thursday, October 29, 2009
Lean On What? - Monday, October 26, 2009
SICK AND DEAD - Friday, October 23, 2009
Defeating Defeat - Monday, October 19, 2009
Get Over It - Thursday, October 08, 2009
Old Blogs 14 - Thursday, October 08, 2009
Old Blogs 13 - Wednesday, October 07, 2009
Old Blogs 12 - Friday, October 02, 2009
Old Blogs 11 - Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Old Blogs 10 - Monday, September 28, 2009
Old Blogs 9 - Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Old Blogs 8 - Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Old Blogs 7 - Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Old Blogs 6 - Monday, September 21, 2009
Old Blogs 5 - Monday, September 21, 2009
Old Blogs 4 - Monday, September 21, 2009
Old Blogs 3 - Friday, September 18, 2009
Old Blogs 2 - Friday, September 18, 2009
Old Blog Entries - Friday, September 18, 2009
A Cup Of Cooperation Please - Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Sorrow Everywhere - Tuesday, September 15, 2009
NO POLITICS TODAY - Thursday, September 10, 2009
Sick Sick Sick - Wednesday, September 09, 2009
What Rules? - Thursday, August 13, 2009
Let's Get Real - Wednesday, August 12, 2009
The Core Of Friendship - Monday, August 10, 2009
Scandalous Writing - Wednesday, August 05, 2009
APATHY AND ANNIHILATION - Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Quote Oscar Wilde - Monday, June 01, 2009
Quote Paul Valery - Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Quote Henry David Thoreau - Monday, May 25, 2009
You Know You're A Writer When - Monday, May 11, 2009
Quote Ann Sexton - Thursday, May 07, 2009
Quote George William Russell - Friday, May 01, 2009
Quote Salvatore Quasimodo - Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Quote Sylvia Plath - Sunday, April 26, 2009
Quote From Poet Sharon Olds - Thursday, April 23, 2009
Quote Pablo Neruda - Friday, March 27, 2009
Another Birthday - Thursday, March 12, 2009
My Feelings About Writing - Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Best Of Times...Worst Of Times - Tuesday, December 16, 2008
The Year From Hell And The Holidays - Wednesday, November 26, 2008
What Women Talk About In Elevators - Thursday, November 13, 2008
I AM DAMN SICK AND TIRED - Wednesday, November 12, 2008
A Conversation In Walmart - Wednesday, November 05, 2008
Young Americans - Monday, November 03, 2008
Freedom Of Speech And Blogs - Monday, October 20, 2008
PLEASE READ THIS - Tuesday, October 14, 2008
SAY IT AINT SO!!! - Saturday, October 11, 2008
OLD WAYS DIE HARD - Wednesday, October 08, 2008
THOSE WERE THE DAYS - Tuesday, October 07, 2008
LIAR LIAR PANTIES ON FIRE - Monday, October 06, 2008
Escape - Monday, September 29, 2008
Quote John Milton - Saturday, September 20, 2008
LETS GET REAL - Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Quote Henry Wadsworth Longfellow - Friday, September 12, 2008
Today On 9/11 - Thursday, September 11, 2008
Quote Charles Kingsley - Tuesday, September 09, 2008
Quote James Joyce - Monday, September 08, 2008
Do You Really?? - Friday, September 05, 2008
Quote Henrick Ibsen - Thursday, September 04, 2008
Quote Ted Hughes - Wednesday, September 03, 2008
Quote Allen Ginsberg - Friday, August 29, 2008
Quote George Eliot - Friday, August 22, 2008
Quote Robert Frost - Thursday, August 21, 2008
Quote Emily Dickinson - Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Quote E. E. Cummings - Monday, August 18, 2008
Quote, Elizabeth Barrett Browning - Saturday, August 16, 2008
Writer Quotes 9 - Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Poet Quotes 8 - Monday, August 11, 2008
Poet Quotes 7 - Wednesday, August 06, 2008
Poet Quotes 6 - Tuesday, August 05, 2008
Poet Quotes 5 - Monday, August 04, 2008
Quotes From And About Poets 4 - Saturday, August 02, 2008
Quotes About Poets 3 - Thursday, July 31, 2008
Quotes About Poets 2 - Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Gypsies Tramps And THIEVES - Monday, July 28, 2008
This Thing Called A - Saturday, July 26, 2008
REALLY REALLY Blind - Thursday, July 17, 2008
Happy Birthday Sweet Lady - Friday, July 04, 2008
Some Days - Wednesday, July 02, 2008
WHERE'S THE OUTRAGE? - Sunday, June 29, 2008
Advice From An Older Woman - Wednesday, June 25, 2008
GUINEA PIGS??? - Friday, June 20, 2008
And So I Write - Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Life Is What It Is - Saturday, June 14, 2008
I Stand Corrected - Thursday, May 08, 2008
WEARY - Tuesday, May 06, 2008
Karma, I Don't Know About You!! - Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Love And Ping Pong Balls - Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Letting Go - Monday, April 21, 2008
Each Day Is... - Thursday, April 17, 2008
Lay It To Rest - Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Sick For Home - Monday, April 14, 2008
Is NOTHING Sacred Here? - Thursday, April 10, 2008
OH NO.....NOT THAT!!! - Wednesday, April 09, 2008
I've Lived Too Long - Tuesday, April 08, 2008
The Importance Of What Goes On A Page - Friday, April 04, 2008
Is The Past Really Passed? - Thursday, March 27, 2008
Just A LITTLE White Lie - Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Spiritual Gurus? - Monday, March 24, 2008
The Secret Of Life - Thursday, March 20, 2008
Your Blog And Mine - Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Totally, Completely, Deeply Disgusted - Tuesday, March 18, 2008
It's Good To Be Irish - Monday, March 17, 2008
Tax Collectors And Insurance Companies - Monday, March 03, 2008
S H A M E On You - Saturday, February 16, 2008
Dead Reasoning - Wednesday, January 30, 2008
To All My Readers - Monday, January 28, 2008
Dead Or Alive? - Friday, January 11, 2008
12 Things I Refuse To Do - Monday, January 07, 2008
Remembering Christmas - Monday, December 17, 2007
Who Would Play Me? - Monday, December 03, 2007
To Sleep Perchance To Dream - Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Friendship - Thursday, November 22, 2007
From My Heart To Yours - Tuesday, November 20, 2007
How Bout A Little "Humble Pie"? - Friday, November 16, 2007
Smelly - Monday, November 12, 2007
Do You Care? - Friday, November 09, 2007
Legal Torture - Tuesday, November 06, 2007
Puppy Breath And Distant Trains - Friday, November 02, 2007
I Don't Care - Monday, October 29, 2007
A Goddess - Saturday, October 27, 2007
Saying The Right Thing - Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Does It Still Make A Sound? - Monday, October 15, 2007
People That Irritate Me - Monday, October 08, 2007
Someone To Talk To - Thursday, October 04, 2007
If I Were A Super Hero - Wednesday, September 26, 2007
For Better Or Worse - Monday, September 24, 2007
Do You Prefer Plastic Or....? - Friday, September 21, 2007
They Come Home - Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Progress In Iraq - Friday, September 14, 2007
A Time Of Love - Wednesday, September 12, 2007
What I Will Not Do Today - Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Grief And Looking Forward - Monday, September 10, 2007
Another Day Another Blog - Friday, September 07, 2007
Some Thoughts - Thursday, September 06, 2007
My Snake - Wednesday, September 05, 2007
What's A Lady To Do? - Tuesday, September 04, 2007
A Pen Name And A Person - Friday, August 31, 2007
Love At First Sight - Thursday, August 30, 2007
Dear God - Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Betrayal - Tuesday, August 28, 2007
What Are You Doing? - Monday, August 27, 2007
Fear Pride And Plastic Smiles - Friday, August 24, 2007
Give Em Something To Talk About - Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Why Write Love Poetry? - Wednesday, August 15, 2007
What To Do With A Few Lines Of Life - Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Relationship Experts - Thursday, August 09, 2007
Highs And Lows - Monday, August 06, 2007
What To Remember What To Forget - Friday, August 03, 2007
The Unknown - Thursday, August 02, 2007
To Err Is Human - Tuesday, July 31, 2007
The Eyes Have It - Monday, July 30, 2007
We Need To Think About It - Sunday, July 29, 2007
A Day At The Soaps - Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Imaginary Friends - Friday, July 20, 2007
Releasing Fear, Embracing Trust - Thursday, July 19, 2007
Haunted Houses - Wednesday, July 18, 2007
The Perfect, Unusual Title - Tuesday, July 17, 2007
My Favorite Novel - Monday, July 16, 2007
I'm In My Prime! - Friday, July 13, 2007
Spirituality? - Thursday, July 12, 2007
Only Me - Monday, July 09, 2007
Hanging On By A Thread - Thursday, July 05, 2007
The Nomad Spirit - Tuesday, June 26, 2007
The Lovers - Friday, June 22, 2007
The Joys Of Motherhood - Monday, June 18, 2007
War And Peace - Thursday, June 14, 2007
If I Was Young - Sunday, June 10, 2007
Feeding Frenzies - Friday, June 08, 2007
Intolerance - Tuesday, June 05, 2007
Considering Freedom Of Speech - Monday, May 07, 2007
Mental Illness and Violence - Saturday, April 21, 2007
Reflexes Of The Heart - Monday, April 16, 2007
Time Truth Or Illusion? - Monday, March 12, 2007
No Wonder It Stinks - Thursday, March 08, 2007
How I Wish I Could Be...... - Friday, February 23, 2007
Something About Valentine's Day - Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Powerful People - Tuesday, February 13, 2007
Pinching And Screaming - Thursday, February 08, 2007
The Warmth Of Understanding Hearts - Thursday, February 08, 2007
Would Be Kings - Tuesday, February 06, 2007