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anne cunningham

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lists ...
11/29/2004 3:50:24 PM    [ Flag as Inappropriate ]

things that might be done now ... a cheesecake and this blog, a real ramble, kind of went off in a few different directions


Random Thought List:


What’s in the oven:  A pumpkin ginger cheesecake.  It was supposed to go in the oven on Thanksgiving, and then on the Day After Thanksgiving, and then on The Day After That.  Since Thanksgiving was very laid back here, consisting of me working and calling each of my children in various parts of the state, I held off cooking the meal until The Day After Thanksgiving.  All I managed to get done was the turkey, which I cooled and then headed

 “out” for dinner.  I wrapped it ever-so-generously in foil so that it will be moist as moist can be as we intend to rewarm parts of it tonight.


The rest of the fixings:  Cranberry salsa (in progress .. ingredients out on the counter), whipped garlic herb potatoes (Ali’s favorite, from a box, but so not box-like), corn, peas, cranberry relish and cranberry jelly, pickles, olives (black and green), gravy … and no stuffing because the turkey was baked with onions, apples, nuts and whatever else I could fit inside.  Whatever you put in there roasts with the bird and flavors the meat, which is why I recommend stuffing the bird to the top with anything you can find except for small pets and the kitchen sink.  I’m sure I’m forgetting about seven other things that I will find prepared, or the ingredients for same, in the fridge when I’m putting away the leftovers tonight.


What’s in the yard:  A big red lighted Santa in an uncovered wooden covered wagon, scaled to size.  We usually put an indian headband and feather on him, but it was windy  and I have not secured it into position yet.  His load consists of two red and green gift bags which in actuality contain the pumpkin and ghost leaf bags, which I dragged out of the yard on Saturday in the rain, because while it might be only slightly dubious to never get your bird in the oven on Turkey Day or The Day After, it’s way dubious to leave your Halloween decorations out past Thanksgiving, so Santa usually recycles them and continues mulching them through early January.  The dried corn and pumpkins, and even the ghosts can sort of be considered finishing up the fall season, but by Saturday (The Day After That), those things just look shitty sitting in your yard, and even if it is raining, people driving by are making fun of you for having a messed up yard full of Halloween decorations any time after Thanksgiving.  I figured it was going to rain all weekend, so I continued to decorate the majority of the yard in the rain on Saturday;  however, I was not stringing any electrical cords, just putting out lots of greenery and holly berries and red ribbons so Ali could be surprised when she came home on Sunday. 


It was nice to know that when people drove by they were thinking or commenting, "Look at that crazy woman out there in the rain," but at least my pumpkin bags were well under cover!


What’s on the inside:  Various snowmen, lit and unlit, in all manner of material.  I only allow myself to buy new holiday decorations if they are snowman since I’m partial to them.  Fortunately, there are a lot of snowman items out there during this season, so I’m always grabbing something here or there.  That’s how the house has become partially decorated, while the proverbial red and green Rubbermaid boxes have not been legally unpacked yet.  These contain all the things my children will dig through when I’m crusty old, and so I must continue to buy the snowmen to add to my loot to pass down, so there is enough to go around when they start dividing up our family stuff, both great-grandmother’s stuff, etc. 


Grand Mothers’ “Stuff”:  On the 3rd of December, my Paternal Grand Mother Of All Time/Mother Love, bestill my bleeding heart, would be 94 if she was still alive.  She died in 2000 prior to her 90th birthday, which was perfectly fine with her, since we had discussed this on more than one occasion.  She sufficed it to say she remembered a sky without planes and when the sky contained planes, and now various other flying and space machines, and she said it reached a point when you really had seen enough and someone else could have the chance.  She was very in-tune with knowing that when the time came, she would know it, which is why when it came her time in hospice was as joyful as a hospice commercial, if there were such commercials … but those types of unKodak moments are never really advertised.  It’s just too bad more people don’t know about the hospice process because death can be a blast, after a fashion.  If my pat. Grandma was still alive now, she would be commenting on how ridiculous it was to still be alive at 94.  She thought it was a hoot that she was dying prior to her 90th birthday so that no one could make a fuss about it! just as my maternal great aunt commented prior to dying at 103!  The women on both sides of my family go on and on and on into forever.  Lucky for me. 


My Maternal Grand Mother of All Time As Well meets her four-month anniversary of leaving the planet tomorrow morning, noonish.  She dove out just prior to her 88th birthday, and again perfectly fine with her and the whole hospice process … the process in which it feels sort of like the final days of summer camp when the counselors hang out with you more, but in the end your favorite counselor dies.  Some people believe that the soul passes further “over” around the fourth month, which no matter what you believe, or what you think the timetable is, your heart realizes this is an ongoing process and it does involving letting go, a bit at a time, if you are to keep the relationship spiritually intact. 


I sense the four-month mark acutely as Grandma came to me in a dream on Friday night, during which I held her, as I would a child, facing towards me, arms and legs linked around my body like a toddler.  It was all very fine and good until I fell on the ground (clutzy tall woman that I am), but she didn’t seem to mind that at all.   Prior to that, in the dream she was alive, even at her funeral because though she knew she was dying, she had not died in time for it, until the moment when we fell together on the floor.  She was quite beautiful throughout the dream, which I told her, and she told me as she did her last many days and for years, “You are good, good, good!  I love you, love you, love you.”  She liked to say important things in threes. 


When her eyes dropped the final time, it was not as upsetting as I might have guesse. But something made me stand up out of bed to cross the room and clutzy in real life, too, I jammed my little toe on a footstool in the bedroom.  Every time I feel the tenderness there this last few days, I think about our last moments together (dream and otherwise).  She is going further away.  I know this, which is why I also saw her in Kmart on Sunday.  It was her face, a little bit longer hair, dark like mine, in a ponytail and she had on Grandma’s deck shoes (she had them in every color for all manner of casual wear).  Sunday, she had on black ones and one of them was untied.  She looked lovely.  I did not freak and chase her through Kmart, because when you see a loved one walking around using someone else’s body, it’s not polite to chase them down.  You are just supposed to feel lucky inside. 


I have the “holding” dreams and see dead people.  So sue me.  So far it’s happened with at handful of people close to me who are a bit farther away now. 


When Ali was about 2 years old, we sat next to her grandma Alice(my mother-in-law who passed from cancer when Ali was just a baby).  Alice was wearing one of the exercise suits that she had worn during her hospice time at home, and was perfectly content watching us eat at a department store café.  That’s just one of my favorite times seeing her. 


One of the profound times I saw my paternal grandmother was the morning of the day of my stroke, nearly three years ago.  She was buying bananas at Kwik Trip (she swore by their bananas as to quality and price) when I was paying for my gas and wondering if I should eat something because I just felt “off.”  I didn’t buy anything, just waited in line behind my grandma marveling at how she even had her same coin purse.   I went on with my day feeling spooky and like I was coming down with something and later stroked out in ongoing traffic.  I saw her in the hospital later that afternoon too, and several times, going around corners or down hallways when I was being gurney’d around in various stages of stroking out after I was airlifted to the medical center.   She had on her pale green pants and comfy fleecy sweatshirt the entire time, with her brown purse over her arm, and of course her coin purse was tucked inside. 


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The Seven Spirits by Will Clark

What are the Seven Spirits of God as presented in the Book of Revelation? This book describes them and explains their importance during these perilous times...  
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