Blogs by Carol Culver Rzadkiewicz
Predictions for 2008
1/4/2008 9:16:01 PM
I have always wondered what it would be like to be able to see the future.
For as long as humankind as existed, or so I would surmise, people have been making predictions about the future. Although I am not a soothsayer, fortuneteller, or even an egotistical historian who thinks she can accurately postulate future events based upon past events, I would like to make some predictions for the coming year. Then, at the end of this New Year, I would like to see exactly how many of my predictions were proven accurate. Who knows, but I may be proven far wiser than I ever imagined possible.
These are my predictions for 2008:
- We will see either our first African American President or our first female President.
- African Americans will vote in record-breaking numbers.
- Women will vote in record-breaking numbers.
- There will be computer glitches at the polls and myriad charges of vote tampering, some of which will be proven true.
- Gas prices will continue to rise, oil companies will again post record-breaking profits, and consumers will continue to purchase gas-guzzling SUVs and 4 x 4 pickups.
- The U.S. economy, which has been swirling around in the toilet, will finally go gurgling down the drain, plunging our country into another recession, this one worse than the last.
- The Stock Market will take a nosedive unparalleled since Black Monday, October 28, 1929, when Wall Street crashed; but the insiders will have sold all their stock so the ones who will lose everything will be you and me.
- The housing market will continue its downward spiral, resulting in not only record-breaking foreclosures and bankruptcies but also thousands of unemployed real estate agents.
- Thousands of unemployed real estate agents will apply for jobs as Greeters at Wal-Mart.
- Global Warming will escalate but politicians will continue arguing that the phenomenon is merely a talking point for liberals.
- The drought in the Southeastern United States will continue until around May when the area will see torrential almost daily rainfall and Governor Perdue will have a prayer vigil on the steps of the State Capitol, asking God to bring the state sunshine.
- George W. Bush will go to his ranch in Crawford, Texas for several extended vacations, where he will bicycle and cut brush while Rome burns.
- Britney Spears will get “buff” again.
- Britney Spears will do something totally inane, yet flamboyant, after which television news viewers will be assailed with accounts of that behavior for approximately three weeks—that is, until Britney does something else totally inane, yet flamboyant.
- Jessica Simpson will shave her little dog’s head.
- Jessica Simpson will appear in People, Star, and other tabloids, exposing parts of her body to the camera that most Americans, unless they are adolescent males, would prefer not to see.
- Paris Hilton will join the Salvation Army and stand on a corner in LA clanging cymbals and singing “Onward Christian Soldiers.”
- The paparazzi will capture Kirstie Alley on film as she sits huddled in her car consuming double-cheeseburgers, fries, and apple pies at the local Burger Doodle.
- Jennie Craig will fire Kirstie Alley.
- Kirstie Alley will star in another TV show, Re-fat Actress, which will bomb after three episodes.
- Someone will dream up yet another fad diet, write a book about it, hawk it on Oprah and the Montel Williams Show, after which the diet will sweep the nation then fade into oblivion, leaving in its wake millions of still overweight Americans.
- Stephen King and Dean Koontz will collaborate on a novel, a story about an aging writer whose Golden Retriever is the reincarnation of his wife, who died under mysterious circumstances after going to visit her mother in Maine then flying to California, where she was to interview for a leading role in a remake of Twilight Zone: The Movie.
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