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Sue Hess

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Blogs by Sue Hess

It's Hard for Me
3/23/2007 6:04:54 PM    [ Flag as Inappropriate ]

Accepting my limitations I mean...


I'm a fixer, I want to make things right, pull things together, straighten out the problems...and I do my best. My parents can't drive anymore so I spend a great deal of time driving them around, trying to make their life easier. My older daughter is hopeless but I still try, hoping each time I pull her up she'll stay up. Susie, my youngest, doesn't require much upkeep but I'm always looking for some way to solve whatever minor problems she has. The hard part for me is accepting that I can't fix it. Anything. I can try and I can some times make things better but damnit, try as I might, I just can't really fix things. Mom still does without milk sometimes because I didn't know she needed to go to the store. Deb just will live her life her way, come hell or high water. The world just keeps muddling along without my input, without my glue and scotch tape. And you know what? It will keep on doing that too. Mom and Dad have three other kids who are just as capable as I am of caring for them. Deb isn't going to change until she is ready to change, and all of my HELP just does more harm than good. And Susie, God love her, will never balance her check book. It is really hard to accept but it will all continue on without much of a hitch, if I sat down tomorrow and took a day off. But I'm always afraid to, afraid that if I don't stay on top of things, they will fall apart. But you know what? I'm tired. Not physically, I have the world's easiest job. But I'm tired of feeling responsible, like something major will happen if I'm not here. And no one is doing that to me. I am the one who gave me that job with no vacation time. I am one terrible boss and I expect too much. And considering what a piss poor job I do of controlling things, I might as well take a break. Do I sound peeved? Like I'm feeling a little sorry for myself tonight? Guilty. But I need to get it out of my system and you all are so wonderful, you expect so little of me, I never feel like I let anyone down. So yes, I'm feeling put upon. Not by my family, not by life....but by me.

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More Blogs by Sue Hess
• Me...again - Thursday, June 25, 2009
• Shootings in city hall - Friday, February 08, 2008
• Ho Ho....Hum? - Friday, February 08, 2008
• Happy 2008 - Wednesday, January 02, 2008
• Happy Thanksgiving - Thursday, November 22, 2007
• A favor??? - Monday, October 29, 2007
• Hats off to Idiocy - Friday, October 26, 2007
• Hello again - Wednesday, October 17, 2007
• Oral Fixations? - Wednesday, October 10, 2007
• And you know what else.... - Tuesday, October 02, 2007
• Moonlight - Friday, September 07, 2007
• Where have you been???? - Wednesday, August 29, 2007
• Somewhere.... - Thursday, August 16, 2007
• Will you still need me, will you still feed me - Wednesday, August 01, 2007
• What have you read lately? - Friday, July 20, 2007
• Ice Cream - Friday, July 13, 2007
• Wow am I hot... - Sunday, July 08, 2007
• Too relaxed??? - Friday, July 06, 2007
• Hi I'm back... - Monday, July 02, 2007
• What else can go wrong... - Tuesday, June 19, 2007
• Opening my heart to you - Sunday, June 17, 2007
• Ahhh Youth - Friday, June 15, 2007
• Reality Bites....Me - Thursday, June 14, 2007
• More nonsense from me - Thursday, June 14, 2007
• Tell me your secrets... - Wednesday, June 06, 2007
• The 'I' that is me - Monday, June 04, 2007
• Soliliquy on Sex - Saturday, June 02, 2007
• In your face writing - Friday, June 01, 2007
• Pirates of the Carribean - Friday, May 25, 2007
• Books??? - Friday, May 18, 2007
• Down with Promiscuity... - Friday, May 11, 2007
• Rod Stewart - Thursday, May 10, 2007
• Did ya miss me... - Wednesday, May 02, 2007
• College... - Thursday, April 19, 2007
• Sunday - Sunday, April 15, 2007
• I feel so silly - Monday, April 09, 2007
• Meet John - Saturday, April 07, 2007
• Creative License - Friday, March 30, 2007
•  It's Hard for Me - Friday, March 23, 2007  
• It is so wrong... - Thursday, March 22, 2007
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• False Impressions - Tuesday, March 06, 2007
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• Is It Time to Update - Tuesday, February 27, 2007
• Okay, So What Are You Doing This Weekend - Friday, February 23, 2007
• Hi...Just Me Again - Thursday, February 22, 2007
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• Snow, Snow Everywhere - Tuesday, February 13, 2007
• Saturday evening 2/10 - Saturday, February 10, 2007
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• Sunday Evening - Sunday, February 04, 2007
• Who Invented these damned birthdays anyway - Sunday, January 28, 2007
• Ross Perot, my new boss.... - Wednesday, January 24, 2007
• This damned ice - Sunday, January 14, 2007
• My tears are not unshed - Friday, January 05, 2007
• Happy New Year - Saturday, December 30, 2006
• it's over! - Tuesday, December 26, 2006
• I'm back - Thursday, December 14, 2006
• Ross Perot is on my mind..... - Sunday, December 10, 2006
• Charles - Monday, November 27, 2006
• Wednesday Nov. 22 - Wednesday, November 22, 2006
• Saturday - Saturday, August 26, 2006
• how pretentious - Friday, June 30, 2006
• Hi! - Thursday, June 22, 2006
• Weakness - Tuesday, March 21, 2006
• and so.... - Thursday, February 23, 2006
• Thursday - Thursday, January 05, 2006
• Thanksgiving...and yes I do! - Wednesday, November 23, 2005
• The Deb Saga - Monday, November 07, 2005
• Spoon River Hoax - Tuesday, October 11, 2005
• Hot Damn..Hot Dreams - Friday, September 23, 2005
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• and then it was Thursday... - Thursday, August 25, 2005
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• Dying - Friday, August 19, 2005
• Physics?? - Sunday, August 14, 2005
• Alexandre,Sandie,Felix,Jerry, Ed... - Saturday, August 06, 2005
• Because we CAN... - Thursday, August 04, 2005
• I'm sitting alone at home..... - Wednesday, July 27, 2005
• Harry Potter - Thursday, July 21, 2005
• Willie Wonka - Monday, July 18, 2005
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• On Line Love Affairs - Monday, March 28, 2005
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Mom, What Does God Look Like? by Gwendolyn Moore

Join a curious boy in his quest to put a face on God. Maybe he can catch a glimpse of God through Moses' eyes...  
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