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Sue Hess

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Member Since: Before 2003

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Featured Book
Gauntlet
by Terry Vinson

Fifty-one contestants. Hellish weather conditions. Ruthless competition. One winner, fifty losers...numerous body bags. Welcome to the Devil's Gauntlet...  
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Blogs by Sue Hess

Who I am...
2/2/2005 1:22:38 PM    [ Flag as Spam or Inappropriate ]

Not that anyone has asked but I felt like writing a bit about who I am and how I got here...I don't expect others to be interested but I felt the need to write it out.




For every action there is a reaction. That seems to be what life boils down to when you think about it; either you act or you react. I spent the earlier part of my life reacting to the actions of others before deciding that I would rather act, even if it is wrong, than to just be a product of my environment. Before that, if my mother said jump, I ran, if my father said don’t smoke, I lit up a cigarette. I was a bundle of negative reactions, never thinking things through, just doing the opposite of what was expected of me. I spent the first half of my life bouncing around without an original thought in my head, reacting to whatever life handed me, never making an attempt to control my own life.

I was close to thirty years old when I looked at my life one day and said I don’t want this and I can change it. Within a year, I had quit using drugs, and returned to my home town and family. Old habits are hard to break though and it was still another few years before I went back to college and began building a life that I felt comfortable with. During that time I made many mistakes, went through an unsuccessful marriage and several disastrous relationships, began drinking heavily and worked at several meaningless jobs. But I was seeing things more and more clearly and slowly making an attempt to take control of my life. One of the first steps was to quit making excuses for myself. All my life, I had used one excuse or another for things I did wrong. I was too young, I was too impressionable, and the sixties happened and were blamed for a whole multitude of sins. I moved from drugs to alcohol and used that as an excuse for damned relationships and problems with my children. I then used the relationships as an excuse to continue drinking. This was a biggie in my life and one that ended in September of 1990 when I set down the bottle and didn’t pick it up again. How and why? The real question is probably why then. As with most of my bad habits over the years, I always knew I would quit drinking eventually. I excel at quitting things…as soon as they become too big an inconvenience, I quit. I gave up drugs, its hard work being a user, you have to hustle too much to keep up a good habit, I gave up cigarettes because they were tiresome, having to stand outside in the cold to smoke…I gave up alcohol because it had become a bother, nothing serious had happened, no DUI or embarrassing happenings at a family reunion or anything like that…it just became too much of a crutch and I was beginning to see that I was never going to be in control of my life until I let go of the crutches.

By this time in my life, I had returned to college and gotten a degree in both business and programming, begun to work for a large medical system and had a home of my own instead of living with family or a significant other. This was the final major step for me in my effort to take over my own life and not one I push on other people or even advocate as an answer. I gave up relationships and became celibate. All my life, men had played a big part in what I did and did not do. I have been married several times and have had more relationships than I can count. That is not to mention those who could not be counted as even a relationship. And not one of them could really be said to have been healthy. After a while, one has to consider that the problem may not be the other party…I was the constant in this equation so chances are, the problem was with me. So I took time off to look things over. That was twelve or thirteen years ago and I am still looking things over. I seem to be happier this way. I have had several cyber relationships which were fun but of course, not serious, but my life is finally mine…I have no one to blame or pat on the back but myself. Am I lonely? Of course I am at times, I’m sure I would be if I were happily married. But for myself, I have found this is the way I want to live. I am no longer reacting to everything that comes along. I can finally say I am a woman of action. And who knows what the future has in store….


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More Blogs by Sue Hess
• Me...again - Thursday, June 25, 2009
• Shootings in city hall - Friday, February 08, 2008
• Ho Ho....Hum? - Friday, February 08, 2008
• Happy 2008 - Wednesday, January 02, 2008
• Happy Thanksgiving - Thursday, November 22, 2007
• A favor??? - Monday, October 29, 2007
• Hats off to Idiocy - Friday, October 26, 2007
• Hello again - Wednesday, October 17, 2007
• Oral Fixations? - Wednesday, October 10, 2007
• And you know what else.... - Tuesday, October 02, 2007
• Moonlight - Friday, September 07, 2007
• Where have you been???? - Wednesday, August 29, 2007
• Somewhere.... - Thursday, August 16, 2007
• Will you still need me, will you still feed me - Wednesday, August 01, 2007
• What have you read lately? - Friday, July 20, 2007
• Ice Cream - Friday, July 13, 2007
• Wow am I hot... - Sunday, July 08, 2007
• Too relaxed??? - Friday, July 06, 2007
• Hi I'm back... - Monday, July 02, 2007
• What else can go wrong... - Tuesday, June 19, 2007
• Opening my heart to you - Sunday, June 17, 2007
• Ahhh Youth - Friday, June 15, 2007
• Reality Bites....Me - Thursday, June 14, 2007
• More nonsense from me - Thursday, June 14, 2007
• Tell me your secrets... - Wednesday, June 06, 2007
• The 'I' that is me - Monday, June 04, 2007
• Soliliquy on Sex - Saturday, June 02, 2007
• In your face writing - Friday, June 01, 2007
• Pirates of the Carribean - Friday, May 25, 2007
• Books??? - Friday, May 18, 2007
• Down with Promiscuity... - Friday, May 11, 2007
• Rod Stewart - Thursday, May 10, 2007
• Did ya miss me... - Wednesday, May 02, 2007
• College... - Thursday, April 19, 2007
• Sunday - Sunday, April 15, 2007
• I feel so silly - Monday, April 09, 2007
• Meet John - Saturday, April 07, 2007
• Creative License - Friday, March 30, 2007
• It's Hard for Me - Friday, March 23, 2007
• It is so wrong... - Thursday, March 22, 2007
• shhhh don't tell anyone - Wednesday, March 14, 2007
• Is it Bombe or Bombay? - Monday, March 12, 2007
• Thursday - Thursday, March 08, 2007
• False Impressions - Tuesday, March 06, 2007
• Saturday morning - Saturday, March 03, 2007
• Nope still not me - Thursday, March 01, 2007
• Is It Time to Update - Tuesday, February 27, 2007
• Okay, So What Are You Doing This Weekend - Friday, February 23, 2007
• Hi...Just Me Again - Thursday, February 22, 2007
• I miss the old Sue.... - Saturday, February 17, 2007
• Hypo what? - Thursday, February 15, 2007
• Snow, Snow Everywhere - Tuesday, February 13, 2007
• Saturday evening 2/10 - Saturday, February 10, 2007
• Who is the winner? - Wednesday, February 07, 2007
• Sunday Evening - Sunday, February 04, 2007
• Who Invented these damned birthdays anyway - Sunday, January 28, 2007
• Ross Perot, my new boss.... - Wednesday, January 24, 2007
• This damned ice - Sunday, January 14, 2007
• My tears are not unshed - Friday, January 05, 2007
• Happy New Year - Saturday, December 30, 2006
• it's over! - Tuesday, December 26, 2006
• I'm back - Thursday, December 14, 2006
• Ross Perot is on my mind..... - Sunday, December 10, 2006
• Charles - Monday, November 27, 2006
• Wednesday Nov. 22 - Wednesday, November 22, 2006
• Saturday - Saturday, August 26, 2006
• how pretentious - Friday, June 30, 2006
• Hi! - Thursday, June 22, 2006
• Weakness - Tuesday, March 21, 2006
• and so.... - Thursday, February 23, 2006
• Thursday - Thursday, January 05, 2006
• Thanksgiving...and yes I do! - Wednesday, November 23, 2005
• The Deb Saga - Monday, November 07, 2005
• Spoon River Hoax - Tuesday, October 11, 2005
• Hot Damn..Hot Dreams - Friday, September 23, 2005
• Until I Find You - Wednesday, September 14, 2005
• and then it was Thursday... - Thursday, August 25, 2005
• Disco anyone? - Wednesday, August 24, 2005
• Dying - Friday, August 19, 2005
• Physics?? - Sunday, August 14, 2005
• Alexandre,Sandie,Felix,Jerry, Ed... - Saturday, August 06, 2005
• Because we CAN... - Thursday, August 04, 2005
• I'm sitting alone at home..... - Wednesday, July 27, 2005
• Harry Potter - Thursday, July 21, 2005
• Willie Wonka - Monday, July 18, 2005
• a step back - Thursday, July 14, 2005
• Hello, hello - Monday, July 11, 2005
• Update - Wednesday, June 29, 2005
• Unhappy? - Monday, June 13, 2005
• Stormy Nights - Thursday, June 09, 2005
• Steve King - Wednesday, June 08, 2005
• ah so - Monday, June 06, 2005
• Good News - Thursday, May 26, 2005
• Friday Night Jitters - Friday, May 13, 2005
• Poetry London - Wednesday, April 27, 2005
• Struggling with Demons - Thursday, April 21, 2005
• D Day - Monday, April 18, 2005
• Make Mine a Vampire - Tuesday, April 12, 2005
• Sincere Apologies - Friday, April 08, 2005
• All I Know About Sex - Tuesday, April 05, 2005
• Great News on the Home Front - Sunday, April 03, 2005
• Me...bitching again... - Friday, April 01, 2005
• On Line Love Affairs - Monday, March 28, 2005
• Way to Go Sis - Friday, March 18, 2005
• Back from the dead - Thursday, March 17, 2005
• Achoo!! - Monday, March 07, 2005
• Deb - Friday, February 25, 2005
• The Prodigal Daughter - Friday, February 25, 2005
• T.g.i.f. - Friday, February 18, 2005
• Doubts - Tuesday, February 15, 2005
• re poetry and truth...again - Monday, February 14, 2005
• re Tuesday - Tuesday, February 08, 2005
• Friday lasts forever - Friday, February 04, 2005
•  Who I am... - Wednesday, February 02, 2005  
• Grandma - Tuesday, February 01, 2005
• Truth - Monday, January 31, 2005
• Blog?? - Friday, January 28, 2005
• Poetry Sells?? - Friday, January 28, 2005
• Crack - Tuesday, January 25, 2005


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