I was awake this morning at 4:00 a.m., wrestling with a decision that has kept me on a yo-yo for a week now. A rare opportunity presented itself to me in the form of a log house on a mountaintop. I could have it. It would take a little doing, but we could afford it. My husband, saint that he is, will do his darndest to give me anything my heart desires. And my heart ached for that mountain top. It was what I had always dreamed of.
But it wasn't that simple. A move at this particular time had not been in our plans. It would create a number of stressors that we don't need right now. But oh, the view from the top of that mountain is a little piece of heaven. I want it. I want it now!
I have asked God to tell me what to do, and He has been strangely silent.
I went back to bed at about 5:30 with my questions still raging around in my head. Two choices, each of them appealing, but with a different set of consequences that could have been good--or not. Since I don't have a crystal ball and God didn't seem to be awake, I flopped around in the sheets for awhile, unable to find a comfortable position.
I had a wrinkle in my spirit. You know what I am talking about? An uncomfortable sense that something was out of order but I wasn't sure just what--or how to fix it--of if I even should.
I finally fell asleep, much to my husband's delight since he found it difficult to sleep with me tossing and turning all over the place.
I woke up again at 6:30 and I knew--I just knew--the answer to my questions. Not only did I know, but I was satisfied.
Heaven can wait. I have work to do now and that mountain-top retreat is just not in the plan. Not now.
And I am fine with that. That is the mystery. I gave up a dream and am happier for it.
Psalm 37:4 says: Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.
When He gives us a desire,(for a mountain-top retreat) He wraps it up in peace. (uh-oh) When there is no peace, the answer is clear--it is not for us--or it is not for us right now.
Well, there is still time. The auction isn't until August 23. :-)