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Linda Settles Zebsokey

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Member Since: Jun, 2008

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I'm Stepping
8/9/2008 6:32:33 AM    [ Flag as Inappropriate ]

Triumphing over trauma--restoring the treasure of a trusting heart.

I don't know how old I was when my father first broke my trust.  My earliest memory of it is at 5 years old.  I don't remember ever being happy--not until I finally found the courage to flee my father's house and make a new life in another part of the world.

My childhood was filled with violence, with fear, and with my father's rage.I learned early on that no one I knew could be trusted and I wasn't worth the time and effort it would take for anyone to prove me wrong.  That was "back then."  In the sepulcher of abuse, the shadows of my father's depravity.  He is dead now.  I wish I could say that I am sorry, but his rage and threats--death threats and violence--hung over me like a cloud as long as he was alive.  I hope he made his peace with God, but I will never know--not on this side of eternity.

What I do know, is that I have made mine, my peace with God. Recovery is a precious gift given to the seeker of truth, and I have sought the truth.  I have ventured into the shadow land of an abusive past and dug among the ruins, mining for treasures that I knew, I just knew, were buried there.

And I have found them!  Tidbits of truth, insights into the child who became the woman that I am, and understanding of my past that brightens my future.  I have, like Job, sat in sackcloth and ashes and scraped my wounds.  And in my flesh, I have seen God.  Not with eyes of flesh, but with a spirit restored to his likeness, not perfectly, not completely, but enough. Enough that I can go on stepping--up the mountain--into his heart.

I invite you to journey with me.  Day by day I read, I write, I meditate on the Healer and He does His work.  We can triumph over trauma. We just have to keep stepping up the mountain, in his time, his joy, and his love.



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More Blogs by Linda Settles Zebsokey
• Redeeming Our Treasures One Day at a Time - Saturday, December 06, 2008
• Redemption... - Tuesday, October 14, 2008
• Redeeming Our Love for Christ - Thursday, October 02, 2008
• Holidays Can Be Trouble... - Sunday, September 28, 2008
• Dancing Daffodils - Thursday, September 25, 2008
• Assessing the Strengths of A Recovering Sexual Abuse Survivor - Saturday, September 20, 2008
• Good News for Adult Survivors of Childhood Sexual Abuse - Friday, September 19, 2008
• My Trials Had to Stand for Something... - Saturday, August 30, 2008
• Renounce Negativity! - Thursday, August 28, 2008
• Antiseptic Grace - Monday, August 25, 2008
• A Safe Harbor - Sunday, August 24, 2008
• Honor-it is not what you think! - Saturday, August 23, 2008
• Break My Heart... - Saturday, August 23, 2008
• Letting go - Monday, August 11, 2008
•  I'm Stepping - Saturday, August 09, 2008  
• God Help Our Youth! - Tuesday, August 05, 2008
• Don't tell your children what to think! - Thursday, July 31, 2008
• On top of the mountain - Wednesday, July 30, 2008
• A Wrinkle in My Spirit - Tuesday, July 29, 2008
• Let us stand firm in our faith... - Sunday, July 27, 2008
• From Where I Stand - Wednesday, July 23, 2008
• WOW! What a Show! - Saturday, July 19, 2008
• When I Can't See - Friday, July 11, 2008
• Its Not Just Me - Tuesday, July 08, 2008
• Complications.... - Monday, June 23, 2008

Pinky's Little Book of Shadows by Sara Russell

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