WHEN INSULTS HAD CLASS

These glorious insults are from an era when cleverness with words was
still valued, before a great proportion of insults became 4-letter
words.

The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor: She said, "If you were my
husband I'd give you poison," and he said, "If you were my wife, I'd
drink it."

A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the
gallows or of some unspeakable disease."
"That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies
or your mistress."

"He had delusions of adequacy." -- Walter Kerr

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." --
Winston Churchill

"A modest little person, with much to be modest about." -- Winston Churchill

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great
pleasure." -- Clarence Darrow

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the
dictionary." -- William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).

"Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big
words?" -- Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time
reading it." -- Moses Hadas

"He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I
know." -- Abraham Lincoln

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I
approved of it." --Mark Twain

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." -- Oscar Wilde

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a
friend... if you have one." -- George Bernard Shaw to Winston
Churchill

"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is
one." -- Winston Churchill, in response.

"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here."
-- Stephen Bishop

"He is a self-made man and worships his creator." -- John Bright

"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing
trivial." -- Irvin S. Cobb

"He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others."
-- Samuel Johnson

"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." -- Paul Keating

"There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure." --
Jack E. Leonard

"He has the attention span of a lightning bolt." -- Robert Redford

"They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of
human knowledge." -- Thomas Brackett Reed

"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily."
-- Charles, Count Talleyrand

"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." -- Forrest Tucker

"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on
it?" -- Mark Twain

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." -- Mae West

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." --
Oscar Wilde

"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support
rather than illumination." -- Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

"He has Van Gogh's ear for music." -- Billy Wilder

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." -- Groucho Marx