Blogs by Regis Auffray
Sharing a smile or two...
9/8/2009 6:00:16 PM
Apt and timely humor sent to me from an American friend...
RUMBLE IN THE SKY
If you hear a "loud rumble" tonight in the sky, don't worry.
It's not thunder. It's Elvis beating' the crap out of Michael
Jackson for marrying his daughter!
WHAT IS AN ECONOMIC STIMULUS PAYMENT?
(This is from a Southern Economist, I believe)
Q. What is an Economic Stimulus payment?
A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.
Q. Where will the government get this money?
A. From taxpayers.
Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?
A. Only a smidgen.
Q. What is the purpose of this payment?
A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high-
definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.
Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ?
A. Shut up.
Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the
US economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:
A. If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, the
money will go to China .
B. If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to
C. If you purchase a computer, it will go to India .
D. If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to
Mexico, Honduras and Guatemala .
E. If you buy a car, it will go to Japan or Korea.
F. If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan
G. If you pay your credit cards off, or buy stock, it will
go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.
Instead, keep the money in America by:
1 spending it at yard sales, or
2 going to ball games, or
3 spending it on prostitutes, or
4 beer or
(These are the only American businesses still operating in the US .)
Go to a ball game with a tattooed prostitute that you met
at a yard sale and drink beer all day.
Some people see their glass as half empty.
Some people see their glass as half full.
I just wonder, who the heck has been drinking my beer?!
Late one night at the insane asylum one inmate shouted,
"I am Napoleon!"
Another one said, "How do you know?"
The first inmate said, "God told me!"
A voice from another room shouted, "I did NOT!"
PROUD TO BE FROM ARKANSAS
After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, New
York scientists found traces of copper wire dating back
100 years and came to the conclusion, that their ancestors
already had a telephone network more than 100 years ago.
Not to be outdone by the New Yorkers, in the weeks that
followed, a California archaeologist dug to a depth of 20
feet, and shortly after, a story in the LA Times read: '
California archaeologists, finding traces of 200 year old
copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already
had an advanced high-tech communications network a
hundred years earlier than the New Yorkers.'
One week later, The Beebe News, a local newspaper in
Beebe, Arkansas reported the following:
After digging as deep as 30 feet in his pasture near Ward,
Arkansas, Cecil Balis, a self-taught archaeologist reported
that he found absolutely nothing. He has therefore
concluded that 300 years ago, Arkansas had already gone
Just makes you proud, don't it?
More Blogs by Regis Auffray
Changes Are Coming - Monday, December 13, 2010
More on Paraprosdokians... - Thursday, October 28, 2010
Paraprosdokians - Sunday, October 17, 2010
Why Can't I Own A Canadian? - Friday, August 13, 2010
Puns for the Educated... ...?!? - Thursday, February 11, 2010
Aspiring Writers - Sunday, January 17, 2010
For All Who Have Wept, Weep, and Will Weep - Thursday, December 17, 2009
A little more in the realm of humor/humour... ...as kids see it. - Sunday, November 22, 2009
A Little Biblical Humor - Tuesday, November 03, 2009
Sharing a smile or two... - Tuesday, September 08, 2009
Grandma's Smokes - Thursday, August 27, 2009
The Sandpiper - Saturday, April 25, 2009
Newfoundland Ghost Story - Saturday, April 04, 2009
Please help... ...it only takes a couple of minutes. - Saturday, February 21, 2009
À Propos the Economic Crisis... - Saturday, February 07, 2009
When Insults Had Class - Saturday, January 31, 2009
Puns - Saturday, January 17, 2009
My daughter's article - Friday, November 28, 2008
The Apocalypse Quiz - Sunday, November 23, 2008
A Lesson on the Limerick - Sunday, November 02, 2008
Love - Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Synesthesia - Sunday, September 07, 2008
The Human Body - Sunday, August 03, 2008
A short note about "only..." - Sunday, July 27, 2008
The English Language - Thursday, July 10, 2008
Age - Wednesday, July 02, 2008
A New Element Found! - Tuesday, June 17, 2008
A Sobering Look At The Results Of Rising Oil Prices - Tuesday, June 03, 2008
Why Computers Sometimes Crash - Monday, May 12, 2008
For The Pun Of It - Friday, April 18, 2008
Rachel Corrie - Friday, March 14, 2008
LOVE - Sunday, February 17, 2008
Oh Where, Oh Where Has My AD Mail Gone? - Saturday, February 16, 2008
The Old Man and the Dog - Monday, January 28, 2008
Attitude - Saturday, January 19, 2008
The Hospital Window - Saturday, January 12, 2008
Wisdom? - Wednesday, January 09, 2008
Guess what? Happy New Year (J t'a J...) - Saturday, December 29, 2007
Je t'aime, J......, - Sunday, December 09, 2007
Why...? - Saturday, November 24, 2007
More on blood... - Sunday, September 23, 2007
Blood Types and Personality - Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Love... - Sunday, August 19, 2007
Help save the EARTH! - Monday, July 09, 2007
Happy Fourth of July... - Wednesday, July 04, 2007
I'm still here... - Wednesday, June 27, 2007
Why... - Wednesday, June 20, 2007
I did not know... - Saturday, June 16, 2007
Often since meeting you... - Thursday, May 10, 2007
Encounters... - Saturday, March 31, 2007
Blog Tag... - Sunday, February 25, 2007
Sadness - Friday, February 09, 2007
The limerick... - Saturday, January 06, 2007
When? - Saturday, December 30, 2006