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Vena McGrath

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Member Since: Feb, 2004

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No Irish Need Apply
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Blogs by Vena McGrath

2 March 2009 - 11.07 am
3/1/2009 3:59:13 PM
Hard to believe that 2 months of the new year have already gone into the past. A lot has happened in those two months in Australia and the world.
I was astounded to read yesterday that new laws came into operation at of 1/3/2009 regarding defacto relationships. There must be a huge number of men and women shaking in their boots/shoes by now if they have read up on the new laws. Mistresses and the male equivalent are now entitled to practically the same if not the same as marriage partners in the event of a break-up. How could this be real? Is there some kind of political agenda to stop extra-marital affairs or is the agenda to kill off marriage and family life?

Why bother getting married if the end result of a break-up is the same? Parents could consider this a bonus as they wouldn't be facing huge payouts for weddings. How many businesses will be affected in the future because there is the possibility that marriage will just disappear into nothingness? And church funds will diminish because there won't be as many wedding ceremonies to perform.

Makes the head spin. Not that I'm a great advocate of marriage now at my age because I see it as a money spinner and little else. Parents go broke almost to see their lovely daughters have a beautiful wedding only to find that months down the track, sometimes a very few months, the daughter is seeking a divorce. All that money gone down the drain! Marriage was once revered and respected as an institution of hope for a future of happiness and babies if the couple were young enough. It was a sign of commitment to each other and the present and the future. I believe that in most cases that went out the door many years ago.

But let's get back to the third parties to a marriage - either a mistress or a toyboy or whatever the male equivalent to a mistress is. After spending a lot of time online in chat rooms I know for a fact that there are plenty of women having affairs outside their marriages so it's not just a married man/mistress issue.

In the 22 years that I was married I never thought about having an affair - well maybe I fantasized if I was honest but I would never have dared or wanted to cheat on my husband. My marriage wasn't much really, but we were a family with three children and we made vows that both of us kept in spite of anything else. Once the children were all in their late teens, early twenties, I walked away because I felt it was time to do that. I wasn't being selfish either as I took into consideration the fact that the home we provided wasn't a home but more a battlefield that my children didn't deserve to be part of. I had also stopped all relationships with my husband and knew that for both of our sakes I had to leave a man I couldn't bear to touch me anymore.

Even with all that and with divorce papers I still didn't consider another man in my life and didn't for eleven years. Then I stumbled upon chat online and after a few months found myself wanting, and needing, a man in my life even for just a short time. Just as well I did think that way because that's about what it is with relationships that commence online. Sure some of them last, but the large majority are one night stands or less than a year. Married people online are often there searching for what they have lost in their marriages and then there are people like me that are free and searching for what we have lost too. It's inevitable that some will chat and then decide to take a gamble and meet for real.

To find out what happened to me you will have to buy my book online at my website.

I never became a mistress as such although I did have a few relationships that lasted almost a year each. The men I was involved with, except for one, lived interstate. One lived in Sydney and spent quite a lot of time at my home until I found out he was living a double life and had a wife and son that he also lived with. But that's a story in my book.

Under the new laws for defacto relationships, I could now sue that man for part of his superannuation and anything else that the law allows. You don't have to actually live with someone full-time apparently to be a defacto. There doesn't have to be a sexual relationship between people living together for it to be regarded as a defacto relationship. Where does that leave people who share accommodation by letting a room in their homes or units? From what I can glean from what I read it leaves them wide open for litigation as a defacto.

As I said earlier, there must be a lot of people shaking in their boots/shoes by now wondering what will happen to them. The relationship can be over and done with and the person dumped can still take legal action for compensation.

How many families will these new laws destroy? There are many wives and husbands that want to stay within their marriage but also want what is missing from that marriage with another person. Many wives turn a blind eye to extra-marital affairs as do husbands. They don't care so long as no one in the family knows and their partner spends most of their time in the family home. Well now everyone will know if people decide that the easy way to get a few dollars is to sue a past lover regardless of who suffers. Is this how we want our world to be? People make choices and yet no one wants to take ownership of choices anymore; everyone seems to want a legal way out where they can gain financially at the cost of others, many of whom are innocent bystanders.

This is a world that makes me very sad. It's a world headed for disaster and self-destruction. We are supposed to be at the top of the ladder of life as humans and yet I see the majority becoming weak and allowing themselves to be controlled by those that make the laws. Why don't people stand up and fight anymore? Why don't people march in objection to things they don't believe in? Why did all that end so abruptly? Did the advent of the Internet have anything to do with people not getting out onto the streets? Do we all now fight with words instead of actions in the hope that words online may do the trick because they can reach a worldwide audience? Who knows. I can't talk as I've never been an activist except with written words.

My thoughts are with all those people who sought to find solace in the arms or companionship of another. They may now pay dearly for that need. Coming on top of a world filled with financial ruin this may be the icing to top the cake and bring down our society.

Until next time.


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More Blogs by Vena McGrath
• Moving House - Sunday, December 04, 2011
• Where does the time go? - Friday, July 15, 2011
• Missing in Action/Catch-up time - Friday, September 17, 2010
• 3 October 2009 11.39 am - Friday, October 02, 2009
• Commonwealth Pension Bonus Scheme - Saturday, June 20, 2009
• Monday 4 May 2009 - 11.26 am - Sunday, May 03, 2009
• Easter Saturday 2009 - 11.37 am - Friday, April 10, 2009
•  2 March 2009 - 11.07 am - Sunday, March 01, 2009  
• Saturday 31 January 2009 - 4.20PM - Friday, January 30, 2009
• January 2009 disappearing off the calendar - Friday, January 23, 2009
• Wednesday 7 January 2009, 1.50 pm - Tuesday, January 06, 2009
• Tuesday 23 December 2008 - 1754 hours - Monday, December 22, 2008
• Monday 24 November 2008 - 8.48 pm eastern standard daylight saving time Sydney Australia - Monday, November 24, 2008
• Monday 10 November 2008 - 12.10 am - Sunday, November 09, 2008
• Friday 26 September 2008 - 8.30 pm EST - Friday, September 26, 2008
• Saturday 13 September 2008 - Friday, September 12, 2008
• Saturday 5 July 2008 - 10.15 am - Friday, July 04, 2008
• Trees - Tuesday, June 10, 2008
• Monday 9 June 2008 - Monday, June 09, 2008
• Sunday 4 May 2008 - Saturday, May 03, 2008
• Easter 2008 in Sydney Australia - Thursday, March 20, 2008
• Sunday 24 February 2008 - Saturday, February 23, 2008
• 15 January 2008 - Monday, January 14, 2008
• 29 December 2007 - 1302 - Friday, December 28, 2007
• Christmas Eve - 4.50 pm dst Sydney Australia - Sunday, December 23, 2007
• Thursday 15 November 2007 - When Death Calls - Wednesday, November 14, 2007
• Sunday 26 August 2007 - Saturday, August 25, 2007
• Friday 10 August 2007 - Thursday, August 09, 2007
• Rain, rain, and then ... more rain! - Saturday, June 09, 2007
• MySpace - Tuesday 29 May - 9.27 pm EST Sydney - Tuesday, May 29, 2007
• Saturday 26 May 2007 = 8.16 pm EST - Saturday, May 26, 2007
• Saturday 19 May 2007 - 12.15 pm EST - Friday, May 18, 2007
• Chat Rooms - Monday, April 30, 2007
• Anzac Day 2007 - Tuesday, April 24, 2007
• Sunday April 15, 2007 - 12.49 pm - Saturday, April 14, 2007
• Sunday 15 April 2007, 11.40 a.m, EST Sydney Australia - Saturday, April 14, 2007
• 8.10 am April Fool's Day Sydney Australia - Saturday, March 31, 2007
• Saturday 3 March 2007 - 10.51 AM Sydney Australia - Friday, March 02, 2007
• Monday 26 February - 7.15 am - Sunday, February 25, 2007
• Thursday 22 February 2007 = 9,07 pm - Thursday, February 22, 2007
• Thursday 15 February 2007 - 7.17 am - Wednesday, February 14, 2007
• Sunday 11 February - 4 pm - Saturday, February 10, 2007
• Friday 2 February 2007 ... 9.34 pm Sydney Australia - Friday, February 02, 2007
• Today is 27/1/07 - Time 9.25 am Sydney Daylight Saving - Friday, January 26, 2007
• Sunday 14 January 2007 - 9.07 p.m. daylight saving time Sydney Australia - Sunday, January 14, 2007
• Tuesday 26 December - Boxing Day - Monday, December 25, 2006
• Christmas Eve in Sydney Australia - Saturday, December 23, 2006
• The Dilemma of Shaye - Saturday, December 02, 2006
• Worries with Shaye - Monday, November 27, 2006
• Around the World in 26 Days - Saturday, October 07, 2006

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