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Kage Alan

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Member Since: Jun, 2009

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Peace on Earth
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Butt Babes In Boyland

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Butt Ninjas From Hell

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Butt Pirates In Space

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Gaylias: Operation Thunderspell

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A Funny Thing Happened on the Way To My Sexual Orientation

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Andy Stevenson Vs. the Lord of the Loins

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Blogs by Kage Alan

Sheerluck Holmes & The Case of the Amazon Gifts
12/22/2011 3:16:51 AM
I should have pursued a career in detectivism. Why? Because I've solved two cases in 24 hours. Not only do I get the Blu-Rays, but I get the guy, too!
It was a chilly evening as I walked up my…well, walkway. It sounds redundant to say since I’m walking and it’s a walkway, but I was and it is…as in it was since this was two days ago. I’ve continued walking since–sometimes even on walkways–only I’m digressing because of you. The point is I’d been walking and I was now home…only then, two days ago. And don’t ask where. Too many people know as can be evidenced by the mere fact I’m writing this post. So, we’ve covered the walking thing. Now (then), there was a package sitting at my door. This isn’t uncommon, mostly because my own package sometimes sits at my door while I unlock it (the door since the package opens up far easier…as in my package). The difference this time is it wasn’t my ‘package’ package and I hadn’t ordered anything quite this large. Even I know my limits when it comes to large packages. Not that I’ve met mine yet.

This particular large package was from Amazon.com. I instinctively know I haven’t ordered this. Why? Because I never order something to be delivered so close to Pookie flying home. Why? Because it sometimes takes too damn long to find a good hiding place he doesn’t find before he leaves. He’s going to be home for a week and a half, so he’ll be looking in all the usual places and then some. I’m not that stupid. Inside the box is a huge gift basket of Ghirardelli chocolate products. Pookie’s blood is 35% Ghirardelli, so I figure someone sent it to him, only the label’s addressed to me. Who would do that? To quote Men At Work, “Who can it be now?”

The box contains no helpful evidence. There’s no packing slip, no note, nothing. It’s a mystery. I call my mother. No. I call Pookie. No. I call Diva Labahn in Chicago. No. I have now (then) exhausted all my primary suspects. It’s not until the next morning when I happen to see a friend of mine on Facebook and say many pleasant things to him that he, out of the blue, asks if I received a package from him. YES! I have solved the mystery! It’s by default and accident, but it’s still solved and I had a hand in it. The mystery, not the package…his package…er…my package.

That would be the end of my little tale–not my tail, but my tale and not my butt, which is supple and not oversize, but not little–only I was walking up the walkway again last night (and let’s not go through that whole thing again) when I discovered yet another package at my door. I’m again quite sure it’s my package, but not my ‘package’ package since this is much smaller than my ‘package’ package. Inside are two Blu-Rays and I slowly curse myself for having ordered something so close to Pookie’s arrival. Fortunately, there’s a packing slip with date listed on it for when I apparently ordered them. The thing is that I didn’t order it. I checked. Twice!

Again, Amazon included no note and no way to know who is sending me these things! The game is afoot. Or rather, it’s an e-mail. My first suspect turns out to be right on and I thank him profusely for the lovely Blu-Rays. I might have even shed a few tears looking at those little blue cases and the happiness within… I might even be getting a little teary-eyed right now discussing them. The best part of it, though, is that Pookie can see these and ask me all the questions he wants. I didn’t buy them! heh heh heh

Even better than all of this is if I’m really, really lucky, he’ll be interested in more than just those two packages of mine. He’ll be asking after my ‘package’ package. Ah, yes. It’s good to be the king…er…queen…er…bottom…er…me. Now, where are my shiny new Blu-Rays?

________________________

Kage Alan is the Supergirl watching, Cyndi Lauper listening author of “A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to My Sexual Orientation,” “Andy Stevenson Vs. the Lord of the Loins” and the first book in a separate series, “Gaylias: Operation Thunderspell.” Yes, I’ve just solved two mysteries in two nights. I should have pursued a career in detectivism! I might just be THAT good.


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• Sucker Punch - Thursday, January 10, 2013
• The Face of Gay 23 (Martha Davis of The Motels) - Tuesday, January 01, 2013
• Classic Blog Post: Bang Your Head (Mental…Not Metal…Health) - Tuesday, January 01, 2013
• Naughty, But Nice & My Token African American Card! - Thursday, December 27, 2012
• Classic Blog Post: Red Profit Margin, White Christmas, Blu-Ray! - Thursday, December 27, 2012
• Seasons Greetings & The Future of the Face of Gay: 2013 - Saturday, December 22, 2012
• December Wars: The Third Week Strikes Back - Thursday, December 20, 2012
• A December of Sorrow, A Year of Remembering - Monday, December 17, 2012
• The Face of Gay 22 (J.P. Barnaby) - Saturday, December 15, 2012
• Nightmares of a Writer’s Mind - Thursday, December 13, 2012
• A Grand, Exciting, Phenomenal and Borderline Orgasmic Writing Experiment! - Monday, December 10, 2012


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