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I was always too chicken to ask the wall flower to dance, or anyone else for that matter. Did get over it though. Patrick
Peter Schlosser said...
i have come to find that we cannot control people, places or things. i am personally powerless over any of these and the only things i have any power over whatsoever are my own actions. the most growth, for me, comes out of situations where i feel i've been wronged, hurt, betrayed and then i look at the most important factor which is the common denominator in all my problems--- me! i usually find there is some action i have taken, a part i have played, which served to move people or events in a direction where i felt wronged or victimized. the good news is, i can't change the person or event; but i can change the way i deal with the world, correct my actions, behave differently. to put it simply, it's more important to keep my side of the street clean. i can only impart to you what my experiences are, what has worked for me. i believe your daughter is probably a pretty perceptive and wise person. it's no wonder she is fed up with the world. she almost assuredly knows more than others and her apparent disconnect, if i am correct in my assumption, is probably one of the healthier reactions one as a parent could ever hope for, as it demonstrates a sense of awareness, sensitivity to environment and discernment which few teen-agers could ever hope to have, as most are too busy slogging about in mindless distraction and cultural trash bin which america has morphed into. i believe that if this were my daughter, i would say to her: i understand your frustration, i agree with your decision and i celebrate your wisdom. now that would be something different. best of luck always. --peter
Your heart shows here CT. And in the writing of this you have made yourself assailable again. When you are open loving, giving, nurturing, idealistic, specially gifted, and you are willing to share on-line, in a coffee klatch domain that is two-dimensional, where people can pretend to be anything they want, you should expect to encounter the worst occasionally. You should expect, also, to make acquaintance and lose them as easily as the weather changes.
In one aspect of this reality discernment would be helpful for someone as tender and noble-minded as you. Understanding the esthetic value, or the impetus, or those hidden intentions people almost always have, before you get involved, would help protect you from the range of emotions that often become difficult to deal with, unless of course you are at a place in your growth where you deem these types of things essential to growth. In certain instances some people like to be offended - it inflames their muse and jumpstarts waning creativity.
The way I see it you've been hurt, and betrayed, and manipulated, and, quite frankly, it will happen again if the circumstances that exacerbated it are again embraced. If you continue to give, and share, you will invariably continue to be embraced by those you touch in special ways and also hurt by those that are manuevering you surreptitiously for something that they lust for.
One of the best schools in life is learning from our mistakes. I guess some call it the school of hardknocks. And you have certainly (in this instance) been afflicted emtionally and spiritually. But also, in this whole minor shitstorm, you've been given a perfect opportunity to forgive and move on with a kind of wisdom that you did not have before. Make the right decision, remove the irritant from your life, and move on into better days.
All the best ...
richard lloyd cederberg
You said, "Communication, especially between trusted friends, is about expressing honest thoughts and feelings, not closing up, striking out, and leaving the other to hurt." I agree.
We all go through life experiencing different things. I like what Buddha says but in my experience people that follow Christ do not fail me as much as others. These are not necessarily all church going folks. They are people who attend multi-cultural churches that really believe that we are one united under God. White bread churches have their hang-ups as those that are mostly black, Hispanic, etc.
The Salvation Army churches are a pretty good example of how people faith should bond. These folks generally tend to be much more loving, forgiving and trustworthy that others. In a perfect world we should all be that way but my experience in life with my most folks I have encountered netted only disappointment followed by more disappointment. Today I go to a church called Faith Fellowship where there are many races, cultures and rich and poor all sit together. We all try to help one another through mentoring after church services have long passed. This means caring and trusting each person and giving each one value no matter where they come from or what they look like. So today I have so many friends and close relationships with good solid people whom I can count on and trust in almost any situation. It was not always like this. To go through life hoping to find folks you can trust and getting burnt is not a good feeling. To go through life finding caring and loving people who you can count on is rare but it is possible. I have found that special group of people. I pray that you and your daughter can eventually find the same.
Love, peace and blessings,
John Michael Domino
I have seen wallflowers blossom into the belle of the ball but it takes time and the right guy to dance with her. Friendship has to be talked about in a relationship with a man as some men take this as a step to familiarity and can get out of hand quickly. Chalk it off as a learning experience and don't blame your self. Good trusting friends are hard to find.
My thoughts on this, Christine, are that you may expect too much of people, that possibly you judge people by your own set of morals and scruples . This is not to say that you are right and that they are wrong, or visa versa, but we cannot always judge people as we would hope to be judged and when one is speaking of our children all bets are out the window. All we can do is our best and all we can hope for are the results we hope for. It is very hard to be betrayed, especially by one that is that close. However, this too shall pass.
Your friend, Mark
Jerry Pat Bolton said...
To forgive is a good thing, but forgiveness can also be taken as a weakness and thing can get completely out of hand. Your daughter is trying to understand why life is not always what it is supposed to be. Teenagers are famous for that kind of thought and wonderment. We, as we grow older, are supposed to understand and deal with the unjust life better because we had been through the fire numerous times. but you know what? We don't always learn, because each new crisis seem just that . . . New . . . And therefore not the same as we remembered. I hope you make the right decisions concerning your problems, because in the end, it is YOU who must live with it. Damn good first blog.