Most Dangerous ....
Saturday, November 09, 2002 8:25:00 PM
by T.A. KING Anderson
|I''m Back in a big way, scary huh? No, just excited about my revamped-work called The Most Dangerous Sex Series, including three Novels: Crazy Sexy; Love Hate; Beginning and End. So lets Go!
I rather open my legs than my heart, doctor!
“Okay, Nataya how are we doing today?” Dr. Chase asked as she handed me a cup of cappuccino. She sat in her flowered patterned, Victorian, styled-chair. She straitened her loud, but expensive red suit jacket, crossed her legs, displaying her red Manolo shoes. She took her lotion and rubbed it on her manicured-cinnamon-colored hands, then pushed her wavy, jet-black hair into a ponytail. She grabbed her Gucci-framed glasses and positioned them half way off of her wide nose, and smiled.
I sat on a brown couch surrounded by peach pillows, peach walls, and a shaggy, mother of pearl colored carpet, which I desperately hated.
“Relax sista, I told you before I won’t bite,” Dr.Chase said again as I leaned back onto the soft, comfortable couch. “See isn’t that better Mrs. Jones?” I shook my head yes as I looked around at all the artwork in her office.
The painting of a woman pregnant with the earth stood out. “Yes many of my clients like that one Nataya; again, may I call you Nataya?” I shook my head yes still timid. “I love this painting because it reminds us as women that we are the nurtures of the earth. Nataya that picture says that we birthed mankind. That picture says; that we are the reason man lives. Man cannot function alone; on the other hand we can’t either. But let me remind you that, we do the hardest part and let me tell you honey, I got the stretch marks to prove it.” She smiles patting her stomach. I smile, un-crossing my legs.
“Okay, were relaxing now, Good, So, the last couple of weeks we’ve talked about your abuse in the church. You feel confident that you’re feeling better about the subject?”
“Yes, please!” I said hoping that we didn’t have to retract any more memories.
“Okay, so then I guess we can move onto Kayleel, you have brought him up countless times before. Let’s start exploring what he means in your life and if he should be there.”
I bit my lip and began to tear up. Whipping my tears with my fingers, Dr. Chase handed me some Kleenex.
“I’m sorry, I’m just so frustrated. I mean it’s hard to be in love with someone and that someone doesn’t love you back,” Dr. Chase shook her head, seemingly sympathetically.
“Nataya is it that he doesn’t love you or is it he hasn’t shown you the same physical interest that you have shown him?”
I paused for a second to think; I knew were she was going with this, but I decided that I wanted to get my point across, so I cleared my throat and said, “Say for instance he has this horrible girlfriend. I mean, she looks like a boy, has no since of style, she ain’t even cute in my book; can’t cook, and she wears these old lady perfumes. I mean look at me, I’m gorgeous. I own my own interior design firm. I’m even working on my own clothing line. I mean I don’t even shop off the rack that’s just tacky, oh, no offense though,” I said directed at Dr. Chase. She shook her head and said, “non taken.” I took a breath and continued.
“Well, I make a good living; I have a great family, and so believe I deserve the best. Is there anything wrong with that right?”
I look to her for confirmation. She shakes her head and smiles and said, “Nothing is wrong with that Nataya, please continue.”
“So anyway, when I shop for me, I shop for Kayleel as well. I mean, I like buying him things. It makes me feel good. For example, like last week, I brought him this nice peach Tommy Hilfiger, sweater with the suede-shoes to match. My God he looked so good in those clothes; I mean the colors really brought out his dark-chocolate skin. The khaki’s he wore with it clinged to his butt, and girl let me tell you! I wanted to rip those cloths off him and just have my way, but, his mangy girlfriend showed up just when I was going to make my move. She comes walking in with her flat chest, and her cheap little Wal-mart-business suit, and those god-awful black pumps; girl, she actually thinks black goes with every thing! Ha! Okay, so she walks past me, don’t even speak, but goes right in front of me and plants a big, sloppy, wet, tongue kiss on him. Then she looks at him and says, “You know that color does nothing for you, and my God you look too preppy, like a faggot-white boy, take that off hun will ya!” Instantly, I wanted to ram my fist in the back of her bony little neck and snap it in two, but Kayleel held me back. Meanwhile, she pranced around his condo like it was her condo. She looks in the refrigerator, she pours juice into the glasses that I brought him! She’s walking on the floors, which I fucking helped picked out, she’s sitting on the couch, and kicking her feet up on that expensive furniture. I helped designed his place with love, and she can just prance in there, and just live like she’s freaking married to him.
On top of all this, Kayleel just let her do anything she wants. For example, the picture I painted for him to go in his bedroom, is now hanging in his storage closet. I mean what gives? He says he likes it so, he hangs it up when he knows she’s not coming over, but if he knows I’m coming he will take the silly portrait of hers down and put mine back up. I know because a mutual friend of ours told me, and I so happen to have a key to his place, and I saw it for myself. I mean, please! Throw me a freaking bone here. Why can’t he make up his mind?
Why can’t I win when I knew him longer, and have been there for him more, and he trust me more, than this other woman? Doctor, we have cried and shared laughs together, I know everything about him. I know how his lips curl when he’s thinking something freaky. I know how he scratches his head when he is thinking about something serious, and when he is thinking about something juvenile; he strokes his chin. I have shown him that I loved him, by cooking for him, helping him with his information when he pledged in college. I financially supported him when he had to buy all of his equipment, to set up his music and video studio. What gives, am I a fool for sticking with him for so long?”
Dr, Chase wrote a couple of notes in her yellow memo spad. She uncrossed her legs and took a sip of her coffee. Upon setting her coffee down she said, “Nataya, I have identified your problem!” I sat anxiously, as I waited; my body trembled. “Okay, are you ready?” she asked. I shook my head yes, but I meant no. “Okay, here we go…Nataya one of three things I will lay out as options to you. Kayleel seems like a fine man, successful no doubt, so it is easy for a woman, with the same drive and admiration, and need for support to want him. From what I hear Kayleel seems to be emotionally torn between the two of you, his girlfriend and yourself. That suggests that he cares for you both and he is trying to make the both of you happy. On the other hand, if you find that he isn’t correcting his girlfriend for disrespecting you; then you need to talk to him and let him know just how you feel. Talk about the changes she’s made, and how he didn’t consult you, or attempt to apologize or explain why the certain changes affected your friendship and friendship only. Let him know that these things bother you.”
My mind was racing as I listened, I heard every word she had spoken. So far so good, I thought until she shifted her body in the chair and looked me square in the eyes and said,
“Two things I noticed about you, one you have to realize weather you like it or not that he is in a relationship with another woman. How would you feel if another woman was dressing your man, or had a better relationship with another woman better than the one you have with your man. Any woman would feel insecure, especially when she knows, you not just bosom buddy’s you’re a buddy trying to give him your bosom, if you will? See, you’ll have to ask yourself-- are you interfering with Kayleel’s relationship. I mean he has a girlfriend that he had chosen, and by right you are stepping on her toes. Such things like, picking out clothes, furniture, and pictures, it may appears she is trying to establish a relationship with him, a relationship you already have, and no matter what she does, if he is truly a friend, that will never change.
Another thing I noticed is that you have to learn to speak up, not under your breath, and not with fighting gestures; just simply speak with an easy manner, confronting the problem as it occurs. Thirdly,..
I cut her off mid-sentence. “I thought you said you had two things, Dr. Chase.” She raised her eye brows and pursed her lips. I knew she was trying to help, so I laid back into the couch and shut my lips, and put on my listening ears.
“Now, as I was saying, The problem we will work on this week is you. Self-management, understanding the woman inside. I want you to find out who you really are. Your young and changing, and soon you may find yourself out growing some of the things you used to associate with. I want you to understand why you feel Kayleel should be in your life. Nataya you need to sit down and write out what it is that you want out of a man. Then see if you get those things from Kayleel. If you don’t get what you need then, he is a liability and not an asset. You can’t just give, give, and give and receive nothing back. It is something about this man that has made you want after him. What is it that you desire most?
“Well I like the way he smells and the way he smiles and the way he looks in his clothes. You know his shoulders and his abs; I mean I like everything about him, his great job, his choice of wine.” She clears her throat and sits back. Her eyes gazed at me. It was as if my mother’s eyes were staring at me, like I did something wrong and at that moment, I felt like a child.
“Is that it Nataya?” she asked
I nodded yes, “Yea pretty much everything.”
“What you have described to me was just the physical aspects. His body, smile and smells, nothing emotional, nothing about his personality. For all I know he could be a real jerk. Really, Nataya, I believe the reason why you are in such a bind right now, is because you are infatuated with this man. Your intentions might be well, but there based on shallow motivations. Maybe it was your father who inspired you to have what looks good and what’s pretty, but those things whither away.
You need to get over him because you’re so infatuated with him that you’re un-happy. Date other men. Wean him from you a little bit. It is as if he has become your habit, you need closure, first do what I said go to him, tell Kayleel just how you feel for once. I think it’s time you opened your mouth.