Reviews for Secrets, Lies & Chat
Saturday, May 14, 2005 6:36:00 AM
by Vena McGrath
|A summary of guest book notes and reviews received to date
Gee hon, the site is looking good, I am over the moon. Lots of hugs and kisses – Bryan
Well done. Wishing you great success with the book. Am pleased to have met you along the way. Stay Safe, Be Happy. SPOCK
Hi Vena, i am in the process of reading an advance, reveiw copy of your book, and although only on the beginning of the 6th chapter i have not been able to put it down. My boss gave it to me to read/review for the newspaper i work for (The Central Murray Informer) where i am head of production. She knew i was "Right into the Internet" being a bit of a chat freak aswell. Reading this book made me look back over my time on the net and realise just how many people are just like you, and I for that matter, your story seems almost like i am reading my past!!
I would love to communicate more with you about this book.
Kindest Regards - Velvetelle
congratulations on a lovely site and i will soon read the book it would make a nice gift good luck - Coolman
i hope your book sells well for you as you are a nice lady i will get your book when it come to the shops in may as i have not got a bank card – MT21
Can’t wait to see the book! Just think, I met a famous author on chat..it can’t be all bad!! - Wendy
Well done Vena. It’s a credit for all the hard work you’ve done.
Thanks for being YOU - Brian T
good luck with the book cant wait to read it – Linda
Lovely web page good luck with your book hope its a number one seller for you – fluffydog
congratulations on the book you are the best Love you !!!!!!!!!!!! – Carly
I am very proud of you and wish you all the very best xx – Anne-Maree
Congratulations, I know your book will be very successful – Sue
Best wishes, good luck – Elaine
Congratulations, I cant wait to read the book, your friend peter.
I have read the book and it gave me such an insight into internet dating,that I only went on one internet date, and never looked back. I got everything without the scars and bruises, thanks to this wonderful book. The lies and deceit abound on the net because of its anonymity; what better way to learn about it, than from someone who has experienced all the love, scars and bruises it can produce.
Not being very computer literate, and definitely not understanding what a “Chat” room was, it was a real eye opener for me to read Vena’s McGrath’s book, and to see how the other half lives.
I could not have imagined the things that could, and that obviously do happen to people who enter, then get involved in chat rooms.
Following Erin’s adventures from when she first entered the world of chat rooms until the final page was a journey that held my attention from the start, the twist and turns by the players would make an excellent soap opera for afternoon television.
The men that passed through Erin’s life, some leaving scars, some leaving happy memories and some just popping in, leaving, or just leaving a memory that they were there, is something you just have to read for yourself. You would not believe the lengths some of them went to for sex, the lies told or the trouble that the players went through to arrange meetings; this in itself is something that would fit into mission impossible.
Overall, a very enjoyable & enlightening book to read, which is surprising, when you discover that this is the author’s first attempt at writing a novel. I can say that this book is, would have to be, a must read for anyone even considering entering the world of chat.
An admirer of what Vena has written, and what she has done to get her book published.
Well, we have both read your book and both thought it was a winner......Now you just have to get it out there and known and it will sell itself. Terry couldn't put it down. Although he didn't know a lot of the terminology he got the gist of it and worked a lot of it out by the time he had finished ( asked me too!). So there you are a critique from a total Chat Room 'virgin'!
Thank you for allowing me to read your webpage....you have written about
everything I have been saying .....eerie actually.......all that I have read
could have come from my mouth..... I feel proud for you and of you for
having the backbone to call a spade a spade and tell it just as it is.
I have often questioned the validity of the so called cops.....who are these
people ?....who hires them?.....who checks into their background??
I'm a very outspoken person myself and have felt the wrath of the so called
ops and owners.....I came just too close to what was and is going on. Saying
so wasn't one of the smartest things I've done but one has to stand up to be
counted, otherwise one becomes just another sheep among the oblivious flock.
Should you have the time and inclination when you come to Perth I would be
happy to make your aquaintance.
Kind Regards ...'Mary'
PS.....I'm buying your book and telling all my trusted friends to do the
Vena, Congratulations on your book, I am really quite impressed. I found it on my wife's bedside table and picked it up because the cover intrigued me and I soon found it totally absorbing, taking me for a ride into the world of Internet chat of which I had absolutely no knowledge. I do wish you well with this unique and intriguing tail of 'electronic' relationships. It proves to me that 'truth can really be stranger than fiction'.
Terry James, Sydney
Congratulations Vena. First let me thank you for the privilege of reviewing (THE BOOK)! As it is known in irc chat. With great delight I write this review. From the very first page right through to the very end, I found myself nodding and agreeing with the way you described the events, from the very first hello, to the eventual emails, phone calls, and the starting of an internet relationship. The way you have described what can and does happen is very truthful, how easy it is to get caught up with those words spoken in type. This book in my opinion is a must read for new and seasoned chatters, it will give people entering the world of Internet chat, a very honest insight of what can happen, and does. At times I found myself becoming quite sad and emotional reading about your experiences of Internet relationships. Will make a great movie, well done. You’re sitting on a gold mine. Peter
Letters Received re Review Books - Sunday 3 April 2005
Alan Jones - Mr Jones does not have the time to do justice to the book and trusts I understand that his workload re his program is his top priority. I do understand, and yet, sometime in Mr Jones' life, someone took the time for him and perhaps that person was strapped for free time too. But at the very least he did reply and wish me well. I hope my book at least made it to a coffee table somewhere and not the garbage bin, as it did cost me to buy and to post.
Phillip Adams - Says he is not 'internet savvy' and as the content is outside his range of interests he limited his response to wishing me well. Once again it shows that being an Australian and having an achievement like a publisher in the USA means very little to a fellow Australian who has made it. However, being an Aussie means we strive on and one day someone will have time. My book was written for people who aren't 'internet savvy' in the hope that they may learn something, as Richard Ward has. An open mind is a wonderful thing, may I always have mine open to exposure to all things new and perhaps enlightening. But thank you for replying anyhow Mr Adams, that was appreciated.
SBS - Due to time constraints, the Head of Policy, Julie Eisenberg, is unable to review the book and returned it to me :(. Oh well at least I know this one didn't go into the trash bin and I can give it away to someone who would appreciate it who can't afford to buy it.
The truth about lies
REPORTER: Jackie Quist
Today Tonight - Channel 7
BROADCAST DATE: April 22, 2005
Would you pass a lie detector test?
The average person lies up to 20 times per day. Today Tonight reveals how you can tell if your partner, friend, boss or child is lying to you.
Steve Van Aperen is the managing director of Australian Polygraph Services. He was a former police detective turned polygraph expert.
"Often people will be evasive, ommissive or dismissive or typically people will answer a question with another question," Mr Van Aperen said.
According to body language expert, Alan Pease, lies can be split into two categories: malicious lies and social lies. He said lying socially is OK.
"Social lies are to make everybody feel good," Mr Pease said.
"If you were to say to their face the exact words that you were thinking at the time where would you be right now? You'd probably be in hospital, you'd be in prison, you'd be accused of sexual harassment," he said.
Mr Pease said deliberate lying is now equally prolific due largely to the Internet.
"On a chat site you can lie your head off and no one is ever going to know," he said.
"You can talk about the size of your salary and your background, how much beer you drink and she's never going to know, that's why so many women get sucked in so easily," he added.
Vena McGrath meet Richard, the so called love of her life online.
"Eighty per cent of people in there would be telling fibs, I figure 90 per cent of the males online are married and probably 90 per cent of those are fibbing about being married," Ms McGrath said.
Ms McGrath said they started to see each other and continued to see each other for seven months.
"He had clothes and toiletries at my house, would visit most weekends and there was no reason for any of us not to believe that he was divorced," she said.
Ms McGrath discovered the truth when she phoned is home one night and his wife answered the phone.
"I nearly collapsed on the floor," Ms McGrath said.
It turned out Richard had been married for 10 years and had a son.
"I ended up going to counseling, I was just a wreck," she said.
Ms McGrath said in hindsight she should have realised Richard was lying.
"There were many times when I confronted him with things when he looked down and wouldn’t look me in the eye," she said.
Mr Pease said that is one of many classic signs.
"You get nose touching, mouth covering, ear pulling, eye scratching," he said.
Even good liars give away signals Mr Van Aperen said.
"One of the tell tale signs is what we call micro expressions or distress signals such as wrinkling in the forehead which is indicative of feeling distressed," he said.
What do we lie about the most?
"People lie about their age, about looks, how they feel to protect themselves and to save face," Mr Van Aperen said.
"In employment situations people lie about the length of service, reason for leaving, qualifications, experience," he added.
Julie McCrossin – Life Matters
Sex, Lies and Chat
When Vena McGrath was first seduced into the world of online chat rooms she was 53, divorced and incredibly naďve and vulnerable.
Some surveys have suggested that there are well over 1,250,000 open and closed chat rooms, of which most are probably free. It’s estimated that MSN's (a major portal like yahoo) chat rooms are reported to attract around 350 million people visitors worldwide each month.
Chat rooms can be very attractive not only for those who want to cheat on their partners but for the socially isolated and increasingly older people are getting into it.
Vena McGrath, now 59, has fictionalised her experience, into Secrets Lies and Chat is a brutally honest account of her chat room experiences and the many affairs that resulted.
Guests in this story:
Secrets Lies and Chat
Author: Vena McGrath
Publisher: Bedside Books 2005
Story Producer and Researcher:
Secrets, Lies & Chat