AuthorsDen.com  Join (free) | Login 

     Popular! Books, Stories, Articles, Poetry
   Services MarketPlace (Free to post!)
Where Authors and Readers come together!

Signed Bookstore | Authors | eBooks | Books | Stories | Articles | Poetry | Blogs | News | Events | Reviews | Videos | Success | Gold Members | Testimonials

Featured Authors: Laurie Conrad, iAnn Marquette, iAllen Smith, iJerry Engler, iSherri Smith, iCarol Tetlow, iAntoine Raphael, i
 
  Home > Travel > News

David Arthur Walters

· Become a Fan
  Notify me of new titles
  added by this author.

· 515 titles
· 553 Reviews
· Share with Friends!
·
Member Since: Sep, 2004

   Sitemap
   My Blog
   Contact Author
   Read Reviews


Short Stories
· I Was A Frustrated Newspaper Columnist

· I Was A Crack Adding Machine Operator

· Whom God Hears

· On The Immortal Story

· The Honor System for Parolees

· Doctor Sagwell

· My Career as a Manhattan Liquor Inspector

· The Underbed

· The First Time I Ran Away From Home

· Kimberly Reagan Sanchez Immigrates


Articles
· Vituperative Recriminations

· A Meaningful Life

· Fear and Love and Doom

· Introduction To The Word God

· Boredom Can Kill

· The Great Hypocrisy of Office

· Universal Reasoning

· Spinoza's God

· Tolerance

· The Poetic Genius of William Blake


Poetry
· Mother Charlotte Watches Over Us Still

· Sisyphus

· Certainly Heroes Must Exist

· What Hath God Wrought?

· Shekhinah

· Derridada

· St. Louis Arch

· Follow Your Heart

· My Cold Dutch Wife

· Antonia

         More poetry...
News
· Marco Rubio - Republican Font of Youth

· Free Speech in the Public Interest

· King Philip Levine of Miami Beach

· Press Trial of Miami Beach Code Compliance

· Black & White Distinctions in South Beach

· Black Week Scare Lingers in Miami Beach

· Miami Beach Mayor Obscene Propaganda Organ

David Arthur Walters, click here to update your web pages on AuthorsDen.
    Share Save       

The Pickle Chiseler

12/1/2009 8:00:00 AM

by David Arthur Walters


A Pongo Review of a South Beach sandwich shop

 

 

 

 

Fresh on Fifth is a large sandwich shop embracing the southwest corner of Ocean Drive and Fifth Street on South Miami Beach. The Boar’s Head insignia on the umbrellas on the plaza around the outside of the shop forewarn the frugal passerby of expensive sandwiches inside. On Thanksgiving Day, I was attracted by two specials advertised on Fresh on Fifth’s windows, one being half a turkey sub with chips and soda for $5.

 

I was feeling rather frugal on Thanksgiving because my pay had been drastically cut. Still,  I thought about how much I had to be thankful for as I ate my 5” or 6” turkey  sub – it was mostly bread, but the little bit of meat was good. At least the ambience was better than that of the Subway franchise two blocks away, where several kinds of foot-long subs with lavish toppings can be had for $5 each.

 

I was thankful that I had learned a lot at my job, but my thankfulness was tempered by the realization that the informal motto around the office, “They don’t care about us,” might be true despite my doubts – the water-cooler motto at my previous job had been, “The good ones always leave.”

 

I was thankful that I was not homeless, that my rent was paid, that South Beach is pretty, that my long-lost sister had sent me a Happy Thanksgiving Day card, and that the administrator for my previous employer sent me a flattering e-text wishing me happiness.

 

Fresh on Fifth was practically deserted despite the crowd of tourists down for the holiday. In fact, I have rarely seen many customers in the deli over the last year or so. I like deserted places, and my bread sandwich was not half-bad. I thought I might bring my friend Aliz there for lunch, since it was the kind of bread she liked, although a bit dried out.

 

I changed my mind about Fresh on Fifth two days later, after I tried the hotdog special advertised on the window – a hotdog, a can of soda, and a wee bag of chips for around $5. I was asked if I wanted mustard or ketchup. Mustard, please.” After I was handed the hotdog and told to grab some chips and a soda, I wandered about the place looking for a condiment stand, expecting to find relish or pickles and maybe onions there. There were no such condiments. In retrospect, I understand why I was asked if I wanted either mustard or ketchup, for that, and not both at once, was all that was available in terms of dressing, at least for the special, so forgive me for my ignorance due to long acquaintance with such places as Quiznos’ condiment stand, and Regal Theater’s provision of the little packets of relish, mustard and ketchup, et cetera.

 

“May I have a little relish or pickle on this?” I asked the fellow who took my order, and handed the hotdog back to him. He presented the plate to the man then preparing the sandwiches, who was obviously his boss and probably the owner of the sandwich shop. He turned and stared at me for a moment with utter contempt, as if I were a rich man who had asked him for the world, and then he abruptly turned his back on me, saying to the server, “Tell him he has to pay fifty cents for pickle.”

 

“Screw him,” I said to myself, angered more by the man’s attitude than a mere fifty cents. “If this is still America, a little relish or pickle should come with a dog, for that is an American tradition no matter what the total price may be. This guy’s an (expletive deleted) pickle chiseler!”

 

I decided to let the matter pass as trivia, and sat down to eat my hotdog. I took one bite out of the end: the bun was dried out, almost stale, the taste of the meat was disgusting, and the dog was not hot, just room temperature. I began to seethe with anger, assumed the role of a pongo™ restaurant critic and made quite a stink.

 

I got up and put the unopened can of soda, the unopened bag of chips, and the hotdog less one bite down on the counter in front of him as he was attending to two customers, and said: “A man who refuses to put a little relish on a five-dollar hotdog is a cheap chiseler, so take this cold and disgusting hotdog and shove it right up your ass.” My victim was astonished. I turned around, advising him to kiss my ass, and briskly departed, just in case he was reaching for a baseball bat.

 

Yes, I was bad, really bad, very uncivil, but I am not too ashamed of myself, at least not in my role as a pongo™ restaurant critic. More restaurant critics and restaurant patrons too, since everyone is a critic of some sort, should evoke such astonished looks from food chiselers before we are chiseled out of America.

 

David Arthur Walters

South Beach

December 01, 2009

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



More News by David Arthur Walters

· Marco Rubio - Republican Font of Youth - 4/17/2015 8:57:00 AM
· Free Speech in the Public Interest - 3/31/2015 6:29:00 AM
· King Philip Levine of Miami Beach - 3/17/2015 7:18:00 AM
· Press Trial of Miami Beach Code Compliance - 12/29/2014 6:53:00 AM
· Black & White Distinctions in South Beach - 12/15/2014 6:54:00 AM
· Black Week Scare Lingers in Miami Beach - 12/12/2014 6:43:00 AM
· Miami Beach Mayor Obscene Propaganda Organ - 10/18/2014 7:13:00 AM
· Happy Hour at Hiro's South Beach - 10/7/2014 5:38:00 AM
· Rename Arthur Godrey Road Jackie Mason Boulevard - 8/2/2014 6:10:00 AM
· Notice of Incompetence - 7/9/2014 8:08:00 AM
· A Little Imperialist Bird Whistles at President Maduro - 6/25/2014 8:44:00 AM
· Fighting Corruption in Miami Beach - 11/19/2013 7:39:00 AM
· Two-Faced Vipers in Miami Beach - 10/9/2013 9:05:00 AM
· City Attorney Threatens to Sue Authorsden Author - 8/31/2013 6:37:00 AM
· Unconditional Love in South Beach - 7/25/2013 8:17:00 AM
· New Miami Beach Manager Sweeps Allegations Under Rug - 7/3/2013 9:41:00 AM
· Is Miami Beach Burger King Worst in Nation? - 6/26/2013 10:13:00 AM
· Fighting Entrenched Bureacracy in Miami Beach - 4/22/2013 6:36:00 AM
· Seeking Mark Barenboim - 4/16/2013 6:24:00 AM
· Requiem for a South Beach pizzeria - 4/11/2013 8:35:00 AM
· Judge Judy and Miami Beach Magistrate Babak Movahedi - 4/6/2013 7:23:00 AM
· Internal Affairs Addresses Public Corruption in Miami Beach - 3/30/2013 6:29:00 AM
· Miami Beach City Attorney's Denial - 3/7/2013 7:40:00 AM
· Notes: Miami Dade Ethics Commission Meeting With Problematic Bloggers - 3/6/2013 9:56:00 AM
· Miami Beach Police Department cleans up South Beach - 1/16/2013 10:10:00 AM
· Indispensable Role of State Tax Law in Federal Tax Questions - 11/6/2012 7:19:00 AM
· Lady Rothstein's Shoes - 10/13/2012 6:01:00 AM
· Miami Beach Police Department Reform - 9/13/2012 7:37:00 AM
· Is Miami Beach Culture Stupid? - 9/11/2012 6:03:00 AM
· Showdown at High Noon - Miami Beach City Attorneys v Special Magistrates - 9/1/2012 7:30:00 AM
· Miami Beach City Attorney's Professional Bigotry - 8/18/2012 6:33:00 AM
· MIami Beach CIty Attorney's Cause Celebre - 8/8/2012 6:51:00 AM
· Miami Beach City Attorney Balks at Simple Question - 8/7/2012 6:14:00 AM
· Getting Ahead of the Job Con at the ICON South Beach - 7/3/2012 6:00:00 AM
· Getting Ahead of The Job Con at the Continuum South Beach - 7/2/2012 6:48:00 AM
· Justice in Journalism & The Kansas City Star - 6/7/2012 7:09:00 AM
· Important Meeting Regarding South Beach Urban Week - 6/3/2012 7:32:00 AM
· Try Working With Miami Beach Compliance - 6/3/2012 7:19:00 AM
· Miami Beach City Manager on the Grill in Corruption Scandal - 5/8/2012 9:46:00 AM
· The Towing Mafia - South Beach Tow Redux - 3/17/2012 7:23:00 AM
· South Beach Active Health Fitness Club - The Jaguar is in the house! - 12/28/2011 3:59:00 PM
· Why A Birdseed Spell May Not Work - 12/3/2011 7:23:00 AM
· White Paper Miami Beach Police Department Reform - 11/30/2011 10:42:00 AM
· An Anonymous Wicked Clown Saga - 11/17/2011 9:04:00 AM
· Senator Marco Rubio and The Cuban Thing - 10/28/2011 11:00:00 AM
· Death by Muck - 10/27/2011 12:14:00 PM
· Electronic Access to Important Case Records Requested - 7/23/2011 10:52:00 AM
· My Thriving South Beach Restaurant Review Business - 7/12/2011 6:36:00 AM
· Crunch Fitness Outrageous Bankruptcy Proceedings - 6/17/2011 8:52:00 AM
· Crunch Fitness Bats and Vultures - 6/16/2011 6:38:00 AM
· Crunch Fitness and The Golden Squash - 6/14/2011 7:07:00 AM
· Crunch Fitness Ballyswindled and Overleveraged - 6/10/2011 8:39:00 AM
· Welcome to McCrunch Fitness - 6/9/2011 8:16:00 AM
· South Beach Tipping Point - Urban Week Police Shooting - 6/1/2011 8:06:00 AM
· The Future of Health Clubs - 5/18/2011 8:16:00 AM
· SOUTH BEACH CANDO Blighted Hotel Opportunity - 2/3/2011 9:22:00 AM
· Florida Governor Rick Scott and The Florida Press - 1/21/2011 9:53:00 AM
· Miami-Dade County Appearance of Impropriety Persists - 12/30/2010 7:46:00 AM
· Billions Wasted by Community Colleges - 12/16/2010 10:46:00 AM
· Buffalo Wings & Rings South Beach - 11/19/2010 11:01:00 AM
· Documents Show McClatchy Paper Lied in Allen Stanford Series - 10/27/2010 11:17:00 AM
· Miami Daily proves it is a slander sheet again - 10/20/2010 8:47:00 AM
· In Whom Can We Trust in Florida's Gubernatorial Race? - 10/18/2010 3:17:00 PM
· Edna Jane Favreau and Charlie Crist - 10/14/2010 8:01:00 AM
· Affidavit of Paul Crissinger in re judicial abuse of Edna Jane Favreau - 10/11/2010 3:57:00 PM
· Edna Jane Favreau was in the wrong court - 10/9/2010 8:39:00 AM
· Good Lawyer and Good Judge Wanted in Florida - 9/26/2010 7:40:00 AM
· Back to The Future of Tennis - 9/16/2010 10:01:00 AM
· Audit of the Audit of Bollettieri's Miami Beach Tennis Center - 8/4/2010 7:50:00 AM
· Why get rid of Miami Beach's Gonzalez Administration? - 7/15/2010 9:16:00 AM
· Mayor Bower leaves Miami Beach in the lurch - 7/7/2010 7:54:00 AM
· The Free Press & The Future of Tennis - 6/24/2010 3:32:00 PM
· Allen Stanford's Miami Trust Office - 6/11/2010 2:45:00 PM
· Black Week South Beach - 6/7/2010 8:22:00 AM
· Med Pizza South Beach - 6/5/2010 11:09:00 AM
· Allen Stanford and Alex Sink - 5/15/2010 7:20:00 AM
· South Beach Civic Circle or City Clique? - 2/25/2010 3:49:00 PM
· Reforming The Florida Bar - 2/12/2010 12:33:00 PM
· Contempt for The Florida Bar and Supreme Court - 12/23/2009 9:26:00 AM
· To Hell with the Credit Rating Agencies - 10/28/2009 8:11:00 AM
· Letter in re The Florida Clam Bar - 10/17/2009 8:11:00 AM
· Where was The Florida Bar in all this? - 10/15/2009 9:05:00 AM
· The New Chase Bank - 9/5/2009 8:16:00 AM
· Greenberg Traurig & The Stanford Fraud - 8/31/2009 8:48:00 AM
· The Stanford Fraud & The Florida Bar - 8/27/2009 6:48:00 AM
· Singing the Health Insurance Blues Again - 8/3/2009 6:31:00 AM
· For the Integrity of the Integrated Florida Bar - 7/20/2009 6:08:00 AM
· The Fraudster, The Firm, and The Florida Bar - 7/8/2009 7:36:00 AM
· Scientific Friendship - 6/27/2009 8:52:00 AM
· On Open Publishing via Themestream.com by David Arthur Walters - 6/22/2009 6:48:00 AM
· Helium’s English Is Not Good Enough By HE™ - 6/18/2009 7:18:00 AM
· A Much-Heralded Cock's Life in South Beach - 6/8/2009 6:28:00 AM
· Queen Latifah's SOBE Fatburger - 6/6/2009 6:43:00 AM
· Back to the Future of Journalism by David Arthur Walters - 6/1/2009 8:32:00 AM
· Topical Helium - 5/7/2009 10:25:00 AM
· Introduction to the Helium.com scheme - 5/2/2009 6:31:00 AM
· Who is to blame? - 4/18/2009 7:38:00 AM
· In Praise of Dividends - 3/24/2009 2:03:00 PM
· White Niggas - 2/21/2009 8:42:00 AM
· Chairman Benanke's Dream - 2/14/2009 7:57:00 AM
· Housing Rescue – Abolish PAL Rules & Accelerate Depreciation - 12/18/2008 8:41:00 AM
· The Paulson Plans - 10/18/2008 7:51:00 AM
· Foul Language for Investment Bankers - 9/27/2008 6:52:00 AM
· We do not NEED Wall Street - 9/23/2008 3:37:00 PM
· Bank Run! - 9/19/2008 7:41:00 AM
· Reminder: Beware of Speaking in Tongues in High Places - 9/18/2008 7:48:00 AM
· Republican Seachange in Hawaii - 9/12/2008 4:26:00 PM
· Not a maverick at all - 9/8/2008 5:52:00 AM
· We Were Betrayed by the Media - 7/30/2008 3:03:00 PM
· Right is above Might - 4/5/2008 10:46:00 AM
· Censorship Perfected by the Kansas City Star - 4/5/2008 10:26:00 AM
· The Arrogant and Dismissive Times - 3/30/2008 3:49:00 PM
· Justice or Death - 3/29/2008 5:14:00 PM
· Against War-Mongering Liars - 3/29/2008 1:16:00 PM
· Kansas City's Color Line - 3/29/2008 8:23:00 AM
· Referendum Madness in Miami Beach - 10/23/2007 4:46:00 AM
· Quacking Duck - Artist Housing in South Beach - 10/5/2007 8:29:00 AM
· White Trash Need Not Apply - 9/10/2007 8:47:00 AM
· Miami Beach House of Equivocation - Affordable Housing for Artists - 9/3/2007 8:14:00 AM
· Portrait of The Struggling CANDO Artist - 7/23/2007 8:42:00 AM
· Miami Herald Muckraking - 6/25/2007 11:43:00 AM
· America's Future Lies On The Water - 5/2/2007 9:44:00 AM
· The Compassionate Heart of America - 1/22/2007 10:36:00 AM
· President Bush a Revisionist Historian - 12/15/2006 5:32:00 AM
· Letter to President Bush on Victory - 12/15/2006 5:30:00 AM
· Smoking Gun Letter to President Bush - 12/15/2006 5:25:00 AM
· Christmas Letter to President of Iran - 12/11/2006 10:25:00 AM
· Benedictine Deconstruction - 10/2/2006 12:10:00 PM
· Condotelworlde - 9/10/2006 10:22:00 AM
· I Was Heartcrunched By Crunch Fitness - 9/1/2006 6:53:00 AM
· World's Worst Burger King  - 8/30/2006 5:50:00 AM
· Ideal Customer Service and Support - 7/3/2006 6:44:00 AM
· The Man and his Pigs in Hawaii - 6/24/2006 8:14:00 AM
· Note on the New Fascism - 6/23/2006 6:33:00 AM
· Tundra Puta Releases Poem! - 6/16/2006 4:39:00 PM
· Israel an Idol? - 6/12/2006 9:24:00 AM
· Indian Woman Bills USA for Reparations - 6/2/2006 8:36:00 AM
· Get your free doctorate in political science! - 5/15/2006 11:51:00 AM
· Ford's Anti-Terrorism Proviso - 5/13/2006 7:48:00 AM
· Be Not Thus Deceived - 5/12/2006 6:40:00 AM
· The Medusa Do - 4/24/2006 9:34:00 AM
· The Presiding Spirit Has No Reason to Think - 4/6/2006 4:54:00 PM
· Teflon Bush? - 3/18/2006 8:14:00 AM
· Miami Beach Official Declares Journalist Crazy - 3/13/2006 10:21:00 AM
· Malicious Dissent - 2/25/2006 10:26:00 AM
· The Invisible Indivisible Nation - 2/25/2006 8:50:00 AM
· On The True Principles of Patriotism - 2/25/2006 8:17:00 AM
· The Patriotic Pledge - 2/25/2006 6:54:00 AM
· The High Oath - 2/18/2006 6:41:00 AM
· Tomatoes Live In The Now - 2/17/2006 9:57:00 AM
· Jayhawk History - 2/17/2006 5:07:00 AM
· Heresy Might Be The True Religion - 2/8/2006 3:03:00 PM
· Bringing Homeless People Home - 2/6/2006 7:43:00 AM
· Mister Netwit's Faction - 1/28/2006 7:20:00 AM
· Condemned to Freedom - 1/27/2006 4:11:00 PM
· Am I Blind? - 1/20/2006 1:39:00 PM
· The Compassionate Heart of America - 1/20/2006 11:27:00 AM
· I am a Gringo American - 1/6/2006 6:32:00 AM
· The Most Important Subject in the World - 12/23/2005 7:10:00 AM
· I am I - 12/23/2005 6:21:00 AM
· Editor Rejects Masterpiece! - 12/19/2005 6:33:00 AM
· Crawl Space Revisited - 12/15/2005 8:22:00 AM
· Top Real Estate Woman - 12/4/2005 10:18:00 AM
· Kabbalah Krackpot? - 12/1/2005 5:11:00 PM
· Michel Carel on Contemporary Art - 12/1/2005 3:07:00 PM
· Letter to President Bush re Historical Revisionism - 11/13/2005 4:41:00 PM
· Under God is no laughing matter - 11/12/2005 9:06:00 AM
· The Administration is Drunk With Power - 11/11/2005 5:04:00 PM
· Where are the Americans at home? - 11/8/2005 3:55:00 PM
· Quranic Retaliation - 11/6/2005 11:51:00 AM
· Having Faith in Nothing - 11/6/2005 10:44:00 AM
· El Trabajo es un Derecho - 10/5/2005 3:56:00 PM
· The Rise of American Hypocrisy - 9/18/2005 10:20:00 AM
· Diane's Transition no a traves - 9/5/2005 7:02:00 AM
· We Say They Say - 8/24/2005 4:58:00 PM
· The Sacred Family - 8/14/2005 4:48:00 PM
· Still Mountain and Providing Nourishment - 7/18/2005 7:27:00 AM
· Authorsden Author Accused of Pornographic Displays - 7/16/2005 9:23:00 AM
· Gentrification is a Dirty Word - 7/12/2005 8:46:00 AM
· Moving the Ten Commandments - 6/28/2005 7:50:00 AM
· Seditious Parenting - 6/20/2005 11:52:00 AM
· Rumsfeld Reveals Lawless Policy - 6/18/2005 8:38:00 AM
· When will They stop lying? - 6/14/2005 8:34:00 AM
· The Solution in Iraq - 6/14/2005 8:06:00 AM
· Remembing the Sons of Reagan - 6/13/2005 6:12:00 AM
· Darwin Leon's Manifesto - 6/1/2005 9:14:00 AM
· The Gray Future of Ten Dollars per Hour - 5/23/2005 11:14:00 AM
· The Jingo Press and The Untied Hates of America - 5/19/2005 7:22:00 AM
· Reading the Kansas City Star - 5/14/2005 7:03:00 AM
· The Low Brow Race Arrives! - 5/5/2005 2:13:00 PM
· President Eric Rudolph - 5/2/2005 11:58:00 AM
· Multitasking Stupidity - 3/9/2005 10:22:00 AM
· A truly conservative Social Security solution - 2/17/2005 7:26:00 AM
· Euthanasia recommended for Social Security - 2/4/2005 6:40:00 AM
· To Rakel With Love - 1/21/2005 7:14:00 AM
· Art Judges in South Beach Florida - 1/17/2005 9:21:00 AM
· Down with Artistic Urbanism! Up with the Art of Living! - 1/13/2005 5:18:00 PM
· Artébassé - Bass Museum of Art Exposed Again - 1/12/2005 1:53:00 PM
· A Young Lion Appears in the Brush - 12/31/2004 10:55:00 AM
· i am I - 12/20/2004 1:47:00 PM
· Cuban dancers defect to Vegas bright lights - 11/15/2004 8:28:00 AM

You can also search authors by alphabetical listing: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z



Featured Authors | New to AuthorsDen? | Add AuthorsDen to your Site
Share AD with your friends | Need Help? | About us


Problem with this page?   Report it to AuthorsDen

© AuthorsDen, Inc. All rights reserved.