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The Newsletter of Useless Information
10/11/2007 9:58:00 AM
by Kristy M Tallman
|The Newsletter of Useless Information brought to you by Psychological Thriller/Horror Author & Poet, Kristy Tallman - Volume #Surround Sound Issue: #Several...
Step right up ladies and gents its the finest newsletter in the whole damn world coming at you - that's right the newsletter of useless information. It's a gar-un-tee that you won't find another one like it - thank God right?? LMAO|
Anyway wow it's been a hell of an eventful week or so...I can't remember when last I did my UINL so hell you could be getting this one and saying "Dammmmmmn she's got a lot of crazy shit floating around in that head of hers - she's got more newsletters than a dog's got fleas..." But anyway so lets just stop messing around here...time to get serial - right? NOT! (She giggles.)
First - OMG - let me say THANK YOU for all the birthday wishes - it's came and went but the party won't start until the weekend...and you wonder why I love the weekends so much...hell I'm home all the time so why do I have to rush to get through the grind of the 9-5...I don't! I have to rush your asses to get through it so you can come out and play. It's like kids on restriction, yeah? "I can't go out tonight - I gotta work in the morning"...DANG - Open the window and sneak out when your alarm clock goes to sleep - it'll never catch you!!!
But yeah THANK YOU can't say it enough for all the bday wishes I got - shit yall made me work my ass off commenting back - hell just going through and approving all the comments proved to take quite some time out of my ever so uneventful schedule - you know - the one I have while you guys go to work and can't come out to play????
Necronomicon 2007 - That's right headed down to Tampa Florida this past weekend to hang with you guys in the deep ass south...first off what the hell's going on down there? Why don't yall have any sweet tea? A girl from the south needs her sweet tea...wait I'm getting ahead of myself. Let's do this right...chronicle out my trip like real travel folk do when they come back home from someplace new....have you been there? Nah? WELL it was my first time too!! Cool hey? Anyways so here we go.....
It started off I had to get up way to f'in early in the morning to catch my flight out of Richmond...the damn plane took off at 6 am - that's right so you know I had to have my ass there way before the buttcrack of dawn...yea my bff and her hubby my bff-in-law drove me over there - you know they have to love the hell out of me cus 4 in the morning is not just a sacrifice it's down and out worshipping the ground I walk on...ha ha no no just kidding - we just all love each other like that and try to take care of one another...
But yeah so like they take me to the airport and on the way me and my bff Lauren get to singing somehow that damn song by Ram Jam - Black Betty - "Whoa Black Betty Bam Ba Lam" you do strange shit when you're up that damn early in the morning. I couldn't find my ipod - still can't - my laptop well the screen has some issues so I didn't have any "carry on music" for my flights so YOU KNOW I was singing that damn song all the way to Tampa - which included a 2 hour layover!! You'd think I'd be sick of it by now and not have it as my tune for the moment on my front page...well I am sick of it but I thought it would be fun to get it stuck in your head for a day or two...yes its contagious to have Black Betty Syndrome - you will catch it and then you will suffer it for a few days and then after suffering it a few days your mind will let it go like a fever breaking but then when you're least expecting it - Whoa Black Betty bam ba lam will come floating out your mouth all over again as you relapse out of your remission...that's right - it was just in remission and now it's back....Enjoy my madness!!! I give it to you for you to enjoy now too!! No, no - you don't have to say thank you!! My pleasure!
Well I get through the first lag of my trip no worries and arrive in Atlanta which must be the only airport this side of nowhere that still has a smoking area for it's patrons...I about shit myself with excitement when I seen it knowing I didn't have to find a way out of the building and have to go through the whole security thing again...Now I know I rag on you non-smokers a lot but come on why are yall so hell bent and determined to cause us such grief -- I say you get back what you give - it's called Karma baby! Do you know how difficult it is for us to have to find an exit then have to go back through another security check-in line??? Yes of course you do that's why you did it - you think in your minds eye that if you make it hard on us we will all quit smoking --
Someone elect me president please - just write me in on your ballot -- I promise to take away all the public drinking spots all over the US - that's right no more drinking in public because you know that shit kills people....what you say it's not the same thing??
You damn skippy it's not - I gar-un-tee you I won't go outside smoke a cig and run your ass over with my car - I won't get all stupid and start taking my clothes off in public or worse start a brawl - I won't have a hangover in the morning and I won't get shitfaced doing it..and hell yes your drinking affects us drinkers and non drinkers so don't even - no don't even try to pull that shit out of your box of Tricks Cereal..if you don't call me having to endure watching you hurl in public a risk to my health I think you've lost your mind worse than me...or worse, you know you could run over me with your car...that's not gonna affect my life is it??....No worries I drink too but I figure fair is fair we outlaw one thing - wait there's the whole pot issue - so we outlaw two quite popular vices and you get to keep the one thing that ends up killing more people because if you drink not only do you run over people with your car if you drive but you get this these diseases that no one tells you about because God forbid they say anything bad about alcohol right?? I mean you liver gets shot - your pancreas gets shot - you have stomach problems - you get hangovers - you hurl in public - you act like an ass sometimes and all that in the name of healthy recreation??? Smoke a joint - enjoy what nature gave you as it was and grow old like dear ole' Willie Nelson!!
You know that's if you have to have a vice of some sort - pick the one that won't hurt anyone...can't hurt anyone laying on your couch eating everything in the house and watching cartoons while zeppelin plays loud in surround sound now can you??? And second hand smoke rocks...you get a free buzz!!!
Oh wait I got off track again - you know that's not hard for my A.D.D. ass to do...I guess that was the political news - serially lets try to get back on track again...
So I get to smoke in the Atlanta airport - tickled shitless over that and then I fly on down to Tampa where my dearest friend who is also a magnificent poet/author/artist Malcolm Deeley picks me up from the airport. We then head over to my hotel which is on St. Pete's Beach which was way cool - I wish I could have seen the ocean every morning but you know I am a writer we don't make squat for money so we get the rooms that overlook the parking lot of the hotel next door that houses the cars of the rich folk who can afford to wake up to the view of the Gulf of Mexico. But anyway I catch me a quick nap and then Malcolm comes to get me for an early dinner. We went to this way cool restaurant called "Spinners" where the floor spins around so you can see all of the area from the beach to - trying to think what was the furthest point - when we wore our glasses they said we could see to like Venezuela which was somewhere near 3000 miles plus...that's right the view was great and I put some pics up in the Necronomicon Album so you too could see Venezuela :)
After we ate we headed over to the Con, found out where our table would be and then just kicked back and enjoyed the views. You guys really know how to break out the costumes down there - I swear I've never seen more weird shit in my life than when I was at that posh Hyatt Hotel in the CENTER OF TAMPA. Some of you girls and guys scared the hell out of me though...I won't elaborate as to why but any of you who were scared with me know why you were and it wasn't the costumes that were scary it was those who didn't fit into them that was...shhh hush now K - stay on track...
The first of many we spoke to that evening was J.L.Bennett and his wife. As always it's a pleasure to speak with him and was a pleasure meeting his wife and learning about the project she was working on - quite a fascinating field of study. We spoke with one fellow from the gaming but alas I can't remember who he was - no don't go getting touchy I have already proclaimed it to the world I have a screwed up memory so you can't hold it against me. Anyway Friday was short because I was really tired from flying half a day and getting up so early in the morning so Malcolm drove me back over to the hotel...Of course in the search for a glass of sweet tea which I couldn't seem to get a hold of at the places we were - well we pulled through my last hopes for the evening of getting some and McDonald's pulled through with both sweet tea and some awesome french fries. Anyway so onto Saturday.
Saturday started for writers as what is called the buttcrack of dawn. I had a dark poetry panel at 10:00 am with some truly wonderful poets. OMGosh their work is incredible and so you know I was with Bruce Boston, Marge Simon, Chris Ambrose, Malcolm Deeley and Elissa Malcohn. I did a reading of Marge's work entitled Bianca’s Hands, Revisited which was a fascinating piece once I learned the story behind her lines - very masterful thinker and extremely exquisite in her deliverance of her thought provoking work. Here's the poem I reference:
Marge is also a very wonderful artist!
Bianca’s Hands, Revisited
-after Theodore Sturgeon
a monster, a moron,
unlikely choice for symbiont,
yet she meets our needs.
In time, she grows too old
to serve us properly.
We select a young man
to assist our plans.
He’s strong, but lacking wits,
and his passion grows
as we reveal our beauty.
He bends easily to our will,
and grasps us tenderly
when our Bianca dies.
At the house of the insane
he finds another like her
with no volition of its own.
He removes the useless things
that dangle from its wrists,
applies a clump of spider webs
to staunch the flow of life.
Afterward, he wipes the blade
and places it beside the bed.
We join again to human arms,
signal him when it is done,
with delicate caresses
and promises of love.
(Published in Aoife's Kiss, 2006)
Photo borrowed from SFPA while at Necro 2006
I think my favorite poem was Chris Ambrose's Night Crawler though. It seemed to radiate and take on it's own life through all of us on the panel, each of us taking from it our own experience and that truly is what makes great poetry.
night crawler - chris ambrose
little broken things litter the yard,
faces frozen in unhappy surprise
digging, always digging
in the night
restoring the balance
to your shattered
lost terrier puppy
digs at fresh mounds
of unhallowed earth
we'll soon dig a hole for him,
slightly smaller than the rest
(Star*Line Sept/Oct 06 )
Bruce Boston - his work too is very deep seeded and filled with a sense of mystery when you read it to yourself but when Chris read his selection of Bruce's work it was as if the lights of heaven were turned on.
THE EVOLUTION OF THE DEATH MURALS - Bruce Boston
Flash shadows remain on the walls
and pavements of the ruined cities:
silhouettes of detailed accuracy
with arms outstretched and heads
thrown back, line the empty blocks
or lie upon the streets' decay,
foreshortened by the angle of the blast,
yet clear as forms which were human.
Such tableaus are "death murals"
to the old survivors, who shun them,
who mutter and turn their eyes away.
Those who were children in the times
now past, have fulfilled the metaphor
these words convey: they've fleshed
and suited the figures with paint,
with scraps of cloth and papier-mache,
so here and there a few stand forth,
instantaneous terror upon display.
They've taken anonymity from clay,
and in the faces have portrayed
the annihilation on its way.
For the children with no knowledge
of that world, the dismembered city
is a labyrinth they roam at will:
the artifacts are incomprehensible,
and the figures poised in mute array,
have become nothing more than targets
for the barbs of splintered metal
they now fashion for their play
It's amazing really how differently one can understand poetry - most of the time I am the "give it to me let me read it to myself" kind of person but with Bruce's work it was more of a "help" uttered after reading it then when Chris read it out loud it was like a breath of fresh air and enlightenment was given. Elissa's work now her piece truly moved all of us - a personal experience for her by which after it was read, I whispered AMEN as Bruce closed her prose poem Getting the Last Laugh...
Getting the Last Laugh
You were an alchemist transmuting pain into slapstick, sorrow into irony. Your leg reduced to stump, you gave it a wig. Your heart reduced to shreds, you stitched it with jokes. Laughter carried amidst the giggling pills, your audience of grams and grains, the pointed humor of syringes. Lampooning the nurses, your quatrains showered your bed like rose petals or pithy proclamations cracked from fortune cookies. You already knew the future and no lucky lottery number would change it, so you wrote against time – your deathbed fluttering with gentle teases, breezes of rhyme. Soon I quipped in-between my own screams, the betrayal of my body just another punch line. I convulsed with inherited mirth, out-of-body and out of my mind. How, they asked, could I make light of so much darkness? You had taught me the patter, mother, the rhythm of a limited run. It's all in the bones, you said. Their rich marrow of delivery, your lie-down comedy. Even when you died, you killed.
First Honorable Mention, 2005 Florida State Poets Association contests. Published in The Official Newsletter of the Horror Writers Association Issue 77, December 2006 and forthcoming in Poets' Forum Magazine.
Now the piece chosen by Elissa by Malcolm Deeley was The Red Pyramid which of course was divine as all his work is but were we to have had a second round (we barely made it through the first round) but were to have had it I was to choose a piece of Malcolm's and my chosen poem was In the Hollow - a very dark and provocative piece - it's a long one as many of Malcolm's are so I will leave you with a link to the page where you can find it:
Dig around in there - there's some amazing work to be found as this was a piece that came from the book that several dark poets contributed to, myself included called Nox Anthology which was created specifically to donate it's proceeds to Battered Women's Shelters.
Well I had the rest of my panels on Sunday so we sat up our table after the poetry panel and then went to a round table lunch with all our comrades from the panel. It was great fun and it was sad to say goodbye to Chris and his wife so soon in the con's beginnings but they needed to get back home...alas until we meet again dear friends. But then it was we went upstairs and did the meet and greet thing in author's alley - sold some books and then it's back to the hotel for a nap before dinner and that night it was a corner pizza joint with tons of pics on the walls of all the oldie but goodie actors/actresses ranging from Clark Gable to the Three Stooges! It was cool. After that we headed back to the hotel and stopped in at the bar on the beach that was a part of my hotel and enjoyed watching this one guy stealing little items that must have had some significance to him but how things like rocks, a penny, some slips of paper, an empty cig pack etc held any meaning than he was drunk and all things are profound to us in the state of stupor we delve into when we enjoy our vices ;) But it was true fun and I'm certain one day he will find himself on the pages of a book I write - a true character indeed.
Me & Malcolm
That fit nicely as on Sunday morning again at the buttcrack of dawn I found myself on a panel about creating believable characters - it was a fine panel but I found that I was the only one that didn't work my ass off to write. Hell they may as well had excel spreadsheets rolled out from here (VA) to (FL) that defined how they put together their characters. When I was asked how I did it the first thing out of my mouth was "Gosh you guys work too hard" but all in all it was a good panel and I enjoyed the audience participation we had. My last and final before I said my goodbye's to Florida was a panel about the mystery in Sci-Fi, Fantasy and Horror and that was such a cool panel because me and Andrea Dean Van Scyoc was on the panel with me and I had a special visit from two wonderful myspace friends who came over from Orlando to see me and say hi. Andrea was wonderful - even more than I anticipated - she's got brass balls and she's vibrant and I promise you she's gonna be a name you will come to know soon enough as she lives upon your bedside table or upon your shelf of books you don't won't let go of because you treasure their artistry. We have a special surprise coming for you in 2008 that we think you will enjoy immensely so stay tuned for announcements about that.
Me & Andrea
Well it was after that panel that my trip came to an end - ah the sadness of it all to say goodbye but all good things must come to an end is what they tell me but I dare not believe it or I should worry over my future too much. But late arriving at the security line because I had to sit outside and grab me a final smoke before flying up to PA to get back down to Richmond -- yes it happened again I flew right over my house waved then kept on going only to make a u-turn and come right back from where it was I came. I do think this is a habit of US Airlines as they did this to me at WHC - flew right over Toronto to Ontario u-turned and came back to Toronto??? Why?? No wonder airline tickets cost so much when you go flying all willy-nilly like that.
But that was Necronomicon 2007 and what fun it was :)
Of course I'll be headed out to PA not this weekend but next to Penn State University for UNIVCON - I'll be in the vendor room there all weekend so if you're in the area please stop in and say hello. For all Penn State Students it's free admission so don't pass up the opportunity to see the National Paranormal Conference 2007 there are going to be some great guests there and there are so many people you can learn from so take advantage of it for sure!
Well wow this is a long ass newsletter and my fingers are tired - its coming on time for me to eat something and get up away from this desk for a spell so until next time I hope as always your brain is mush now just like mine - otherwise what would be the sense in posting all this madness - I'll leave you with a few notes in closing...
*Crows on the Cross will be available to the public Jan. 2008 Advance Sales will begin around the 1st of December and ARC copies for review will be available to the general public reviewers by Nov 15 (These dates are subject to change)
*A New Poetry Book coming out - a collection of works here on myspace that I have shared with you and some you've never laid eyes on...more about that coming soon.
*A special surprise announcement coming about a little project Andrea and I will be collaborating on!
**Oh and the Cecil Challenge is still on!! Hurry it ends on his birthday...Oct. 31, 2007!!
Okay yall take care now until next time :)
The Official Myspace of Kristy Tallman