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Beth Fehlbaum

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Member Since: Aug, 2007

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Hilarious metaphors found in high school essays
Tuesday, March 04, 2008  2:55:00 AM

by Beth Fehlbaum



Young Adult/Teen
I found this at http://coolcatteacher.blogspot.com. She had bolded her favorites.

Analogies and metaphors found in high school essays:

His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

He spoke with wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

She grew on him like E. coli and he was room temperature Canadian beef.

She had a deep throaty genuine laugh like that sound a dog makes just before he throws up.

Her vocabulary was as bad, as, like, whatever.

He was a tall as a six foot three inch tree.

The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge free ATM.

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7 PM instead of 7:30.

Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.

The hailstones leaped up off the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

Long separated by cruel fate, the star crossed lovers raced across a grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 P.M.traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 P.M. at a speed of 35 mph.

They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resemble Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.

John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the east river.

Even in his last years, grand pappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

Young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

The Ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids with power tools.

He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

She was as easy as the TV guide crossword.

Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten to put in any pH cleanser.

She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.

Her voice had that tense grating quality, like a generation thermal paper fax machine that needed a band tightening.

It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.

Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two other sides gently compressed by a thigh master.
 

Courage in Patience by author Beth Fehlbaum

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..a powerful, important book - 9/18/2008 4:59:00 PM

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Innovative Teen Reviews Courage in Patience! - 9/15/2008 6:59:00 PM

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The stuff that great people are made of - 9/5/2008 2:50:00 PM

Telling. - 9/1/2008 6:17:00 AM

Courage in Patience featured on J. Kaye's Book Blog! - 8/27/2008 3:50:00 PM

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Courage in Patience available NOW! - 8/14/2008 3:29:00 AM

Countdown to Courage - 8/13/2008 12:38:00 AM

Faith and Writing-- yeah, I'm talkin' religion... - 8/1/2008 4:24:00 PM

PW Review of Courage in Patience - 7/28/2008 6:53:00 AM

Courage in Patience Author Profile in Texas Newspaper - 7/21/2008 4:33:00 AM

Courage in Patience featured in my local paper! - 7/19/2008 4:26:00 AM

Cool Book of the Day! - 7/17/2008 6:34:00 AM

Guest feature: Dr. Dorothy Neddermeyer - 6/21/2008 3:01:00 PM

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Interview with me on New Writers Int'l - 5/23/2008 2:58:00 PM

Karen Harrington's Janeology Tour! - 4/8/2008 6:57:00 PM

Chapter One Courage in Patience posted online! - 3/28/2008 5:58:00 PM

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Californians: Right-to-Know Act needs YOU! - 3/6/2008 4:20:00 PM

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Wrong, wrong, dirty, and wrong - 2/13/2008 7:17:00 PM

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Survivors' Welcome Courage! - 1/13/2008 6:41:00 AM

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Check out my new blog! - 1/8/2008 4:27:00 AM

Courage in Patience's cover! Beautiful! - 1/3/2008 6:41:00 PM

Protect this Freedom in 2008! - 12/28/2007 5:44:00 PM

Courage in Patience SOLD to Kunati, Inc., for Fall, 2008! - 12/22/2007 1:46:00 AM

Review of The Last Troubador by Derek Armstrong - 12/13/2007 6:50:00 PM

I have an offer of publication!!! - 11/18/2007 7:30:00 AM

required reading in schools, churches, and counseling centers.. - 11/17/2007 3:54:00 AM

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22 year old reviews Courage in Patience - 11/12/2007 7:03:00 PM

New Short Story Posted - 11/9/2007 2:15:00 AM

Provocative, controversial, life-changing story - 11/4/2007 6:36:00 AM

Incest Survivors' group says, The first of its kind I have ever read - 11/1/2007 5:31:00 AM

Story of Ashley. Sexually abused since age 8. & Mom knows. - 11/1/2007 4:17:00 AM

Cuss words, the n word, censorship, & Pat Conroy - 10/31/2007 1:42:00 AM

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Article: Who says teens don't read? - 10/24/2007 2:24:00 AM

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..hard to believe that this MS, as yet unpublished.. - 10/13/2007 3:51:00 AM

Apex Reviews: 5 stars for Courage in Patience! - 10/11/2007 3:14:00 PM

Incredible literary jewel.. - 10/5/2007 1:32:00 PM

Compelling. Stark. Highly Recommended. - 10/1/2007 3:33:00 PM

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FREE THE JENA 6 - 9/21/2007 6:55:00 AM

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Chris Crutcher rocks! YES he does! - 9/3/2007 4:15:00 AM

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Courage in Patience Rights Posting - 8/9/2007 6:10:00 AM



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