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Jeff Brown

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Confessions of a $100-Make-the-World-a-Better-Place Contest Scammer
Monday, January 14, 2008  4:17:00 PM

by Jeff Brown

How I scammed hundreds of people into believing my article not only had something but that it was the best!

I'm full of it. I wrote one of these articles to win $100 but it's a total, outright scam. Why? Well, let's set the stage first, shall we?

Advice? Soooooooo easy to give, but applying even our own advice is oftentimes like trying to get a key into the lock of locker 001 at the bus station while five others desperately flail away. *

And since advice is made of words they're . . . Well, you know.

Regarding the current value of $100 dollars, I don't know, but I do know that when I go to buy some shirts it gets me one good one.

To tell you the truth, sometimes I tire of writing, such a shyster appearing to have all the answers, appearing to seem like I'm as good in print as I am in reality, a reality that is often moving, shifting underneath me like a moldy, wet log as I attempt to stay upright.

Martin Luther King said that an honorable person is not one who merely speaks of being moral and ethical but applies those characteristics under the most extreme conditions, like when being attacked by one's detractors. I don't see any "detractors" coming after me at my computer.

But getting back to the topic at hand. Why write about how I can use $100 to "make the world a better place"? And what exactly does that mean, anyway? "A better place"? "Better" is a purely subjective, abstract term. And that's if we're responding honestly. Sometimes we just outright lie, don't we? What comes out our mouths is miles from the truth in our heads. Like if I ask my son, "Is it better?" His "yes" could simply mean, "No, it hurts like hell, but if I don't say so you'll keep pestering me with those annoying parental questions." Sometimes known to be more painful than having your head displaced by a Mack truck.

And "better" is like "happy." "Are you happy?" someone may ask. I respond, "Sure, everything's great." Which it isn't, but I'm just too lazy to say so or too conditioned by daily routine and denial to respond otherwise. But consider "happy." Happy could mean I am feeling good (another subjective term). And what of its durration? Also arbitrary and shifting, yes? Happiness can be transient, yes? I may be perfectly happy, get cut off by some guy on the 405 and instantly turn sour, my unhappiness lasting ten times longer than the weaker happiness.

My happiness could even be based on someone else's sorrow, like a New York Giants fan who is ecstatic at the expense of the degraded and dejected Dallas Cowboy fan. If I'm so "giving," "wise" and "honorable" I'd shut down my self-serving contentment and really give a Mother Teresa feel for the other side. But hell no! I'm gloating and playing the game over and over, and when I'm done doing so with the TV I continue in bed -- with visions of Giant's victories dancing in his head.

Now THAT'S someone who's compassionate about the world. Am I right? Or at least someone who'd take the time to think about some response to an impractical question about how to spend $100 to make the world a better place based on . . . "originality and practicality"? Hmmmm.

Oh hell, who am I kidding. Let's cut to the chase and be totally honest here.

For some reason of deficiency and pride, I must foist my opinion on the suspecting and unsuspecting. Hell, who cares what I say? There's over 6,000 writers on this community alone? (To see original article, click the SearchWarp link at the bottom of this article) Do I think they care about what I have to say? Does my voice really matter? Stand out amongst the din? And what about the readers? Am I so special and smart, and insightful, and . . . Hell no! Most readers write comments to my "offical" comments that are just as good if not better. As the great philospher and pundit Homer Simpson once said, "Doooooo!"

And why am I writing, anyway? To get posted on a website for more exposure to make more money? To win $100? That's rich. What will I do with it if I win? I doubt I'll use it to make the world a better place. Hell, I'll make my world a better place and pay off that nagging credit card bill that's had a $100 balance for the last three months. Be gone! Oh denizen of the deep credit gouge!

Hey! Since we're being honest here, if I were such a giver, I wouldn't be sitting here writing this and 100s of other articles. I'd be out changing bed pans or feeding the homeless. But I'm just another spreader of opinion, a single opinion for that matter--MY OPINION! How giving is that? Sure, I teach, or used to. That's a giving field, isn't it? To be honest, I'm actually looking to get out because my priority it not suffering for the masses but making more money for my family. How's that for altruism, folks?! You Mother Teresas? But is that so un-American?

According to Washington (he married Martha for money and better social standing) and most of the white, wealthy, land-owing males who established this country, not only keeping the cash but making more money from my $100 is downright American! Hell, it would be unconstitutional to give it away. Sure, we've got the liberal side but our conservative founding brothers were about the big money. Hey, not just one secretary of state has said "We don't care about what happens to other countries as long as it doesn't affect us economically." That's MY country tis of thee, brother!

So what would I do with the $100 dollars if I won? The only American thing possible. I'd purchase a plane ticket to some Latin American country and threaten a dictator or democrat (doesn't matter, money is money) to get off his ass and buy American! And lots of it!

Peace out my peeps!

* see final scene of The Rat Race where six people all want the $2 million inside the locker

 (To see the original article, click the link below) 
Search Warp

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