This week, on The Today Show, in one of her many interviews dealing with the Eliot Spitzer sex scandal, infidelity expert Ruth Houston discussed some of the things involved in taking a cheating spouse back and giving him a second chance. Houston is the founder of www.InfidelityAdvice.com, and author of the popular infidelity book Is He Cheating on You? - 829 Telltale Signs.
Most experts agree that the person who has been cheated on must look at the circumstances surrounding the cheating before deciding whether or not to take the cheater back.
Discuss the Cheating with the Cheater
Expanding on her comments on The Today Show, Houston, whose website InfidelityAdvice.com provides practical, immediately-usable information for men and women dealing with issues of infidelity says “Before you can make an intelligent decision about how to handle the infidelity, you need to have a discussion with the cheater about the cheating. There are a lot of questions that need to be answered before you can determine whether the marriage is worth salvaging, or whether it’s already dead in the water. “
“For example, if the cheater says he’s sorry, you need to find out what exactly he’s sorry about. Is he sorry for the hurt, the pain, the anguish he’s caused you? Or is he just sorry that he got caught? Is the cheater willing to give up the Other Woman or the Other Man? Is the cheater willing to make the commitment, to do the hard work that will be necessary to rebuild the broken trust? These are some of the questions you need to ask ,” says Houston. “And it may take several conversations with the cheater to get the answers you need before you can decide what course of action to take.”
Though she has since re-married, Houston, was once an infidelity victim herself, and has had first hand experience with the difficulties of trying to take a cheater back.
Some Marriages Can Be Saved
Infidelity doesn’t automatically mean the end of a marriage. About 1/3 of couples who experience infidelity, are successful at rebuilding their marriage after an extramarital affair. But it’s not a quick fix.
Dr. Gail Saltz, a well known psychiatrist who appeared on the Today Show with infidelity expert Ruth Houston, stressed that deciding whether to forgive or forget is a very complex and difficult decision. She emphasized that forgiveness doesn’t come overnight. The cheater has to be accountable, and must prove that he or she can be trusted again. Not an easy thing to do.
What Should Silda Spitzer Do?
As an infidelity expert, Houston has been asked in numerous interviews this week, to comment on what Silda Spitzer should do about Gov. Spitzer’s infidelity. Houston says, “There’s no one-size-fits-all solution when it comes to dealing with infidelity. That’s a very personal decision that only Silda Spitzer, herself can make. She’s the only one who can decide what’s in her and her three daughters’ best interest to do. And it’s going to take her a while to sort everything out, and decide on a course of action to take.”
What NOT To Do Is Far More Important
Houston, who has spent 15 years researching infidelity, and consults regularly with men and women on some of the issues associated with cheating mates, says, “ It’s far more important for a betrayed wife to know what NOT to do when she first finds out her husband is having an affair. There are certain things she should avoid doing -- certain mistakes she shouldn’t make in the days or weeks immediately after discovering the affair. “
Houston continues, “Once she recovers from the initial shock, she may let anger, fear, panic, hurt, or the desire for revenge cause her act rashly, or drive her to do something she will later regret. A wrong move at this stage could complicate, or even negate the final course of action she eventually decides to take -- regardless of whether that decision is to leave her husband, or to stay in the marriage and try to get things back on track.”
Free Report on 5 Things the Infidelity Victim Shouldn’t Do
To help betrayed wives avoid making a critical mistake in the initial stages of discovering their husband's extramarital affair, Houston has compiled a special report entitled “5 Things You SHOULDN’T Do if He’s Cheating on You.” Despite the title, the information in this report applies to both male and female victims of infidelity. To request a FREE copy, e-mail InfidelityAdvice.gmail.com with “5 things-ad” in the subject line.
For more information about infidelity, cheating spouses, and extramarital affairs, visit www.InfidelityAdvice.com or http://infidelitynewsandviews.blogspot.com
About Ruth Houston:
Infidelity expert Ruth Houston, is the founder of InfidelityAdvice.com and the author of Is He Cheating on You? - 829 Telltale Signs, which documents practically every known sign of infidelity.
Frequently called on by the media to comment on popular infidelity issues and infidelity-related breaking news, Ruth has been quoted in USA Today, the New York Times, the New York Post, Newsday, the Los Angeles Times, the Wall Street Journal, the Chicago Tribune, the San Francisco Chronicle, the Christian Science Monitor, Cosmopolitan, msnbc.com, FoxNews.com, ABC News.com, MSN Lifestyle, MSN Money, iVillage, Netscape Love, the National Post, Maclean’s , Entertainment Online, and numerous other print and online media worldwide.
Ruth has also been a guest on The Today Show, CNN, Fox News, ABC News, NBC News, Fox and Friends, The Morning Show with Mike and Juliet, Ireland's Late Late Show, 1010WINS, Sirius Satellite Radio, Court TV Radio, BBC, CBC, and over 440 radio and TV talk shows in the United States, Canada, Europe, South America, New Zealand, Australia, and the Caribbean.
To interview infidelity expert Ruth Houston,
call 718 592-6039 or e-mail InfidelityExpert.gmail.com