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Elaine Smith

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Member Since: May, 2010

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Ridin' Around, Taillights in Chrome, 8-Tracks on Wheels
Tuesday, October 19, 2010  1:00:00 PM

by Elaine Smith



Humor
In 1980, gasoline is cheap, cars are fast, and in-car 8 track tape players bring mobile rock & roll music like never before. It is a special time when dormitory room doors and windows stay open, cars are left unlocked, and most cops actually have a sense of humor. College and local kids run right into wild and hilarious adventures and have surprisingly tender moments. Crazy stunts, wild chases, entertaining stories, true love, great friendships and dreams come true are all found in "Ridin’ Around."

Excerpt from Chapter 10 - Ridin' MooLah

 

As the Thunderbird was cruising past the courthouse, the guys noticed a crowd gathered beneath the Moo Lah statue. Evel pulled in and parked to find out what was going on. The people standing around were pretty drunk and rowdy. The guys joined them.

 

"Hey—Moo Lah!" a particularly inebriated fellow slurred. He turned to the crowd and said, "You know, somebody oughta ride that cow!"

 

Fuzzy perked up, looking at Evel expectantly. Evel shrugged his shoulders and smiled mischievously.

 

"And we're the guys to do it!" Fuzzy yelled. He started climbing the fifteen foot pole which supported the black and white fiberglass cow. Evel was close behind but moved more slowly. They both shimmied their way up to the platform. Fuzzy climbed up on back of the cow.

 

"She's sturdy. Come on up, Evel! Giddy-up. Yee Haw!" Fuzzy had hold of the chain that was attached to a halter of sorts on the fake cow's head. He was hopping up-and-down like he was trotting down the trail. Evel climbed up on the cow behind Fuzzy. He began moving his feet as though he were spurring and riding in a rodeo.

 

Glenda was driving past the courthouse when she noticed a crowd looking up at something. The lights from the courthouse backlit some figures gyrating in the air. She slowed, gaping at the sight. From the back seat Gene gasped.

 

"That's Evel and Fuzzy—oh my gosh!" Tanya cried in shock. Evel saw the Camaro and waved his arm grandly. Tanya pointed at him. Glenda promptly pulled over to join the spectators. The two girls and Gene got out of the car. Suddenly, Glenda felt Evel looking at her. He flashed a smile from that lofty height that made her heart stop. She laughed at the ridiculous sight. The crowd cheered the two fiberglass cowboys—making crude jokes, until someone saw some flashing lights approaching.

 

"Cops!" a member of the crowd yelled. Most of the people cleared out of the area as quickly as possible. Glenda and her friends made a quick exit, too, but she parked just out of sight around the first corner. The trio exited the Camaro and peeked around the building at the spectacle.

 

Charles, and the few who didn't bother leaving, leaned on the rails of a pickup bed, waiting for the inevitable. Two police cars slid to a stop in the parallel parking spaces on the town square. The cops piled out of their cars and gaped at the sight fifteen feet above them.

 

Fuzzy was still yelling Yee Haw, and Evel was now turned around backward facing away from his friend. He was looking for the Camaro but saw the policemen and saluted them. He elbowed Fuzzy to get his attention. Fuzzy acknowledged the cops with a tip of an imaginary hat. All of a sudden, Evel slipped a bit—but he quickly grabbed hold of Moo Lah's tail.

 

"What on earth are you doin'? Are you crazy? You git down from there right now! I'm gonna arrest you. This time you two have gone too far! GIT DOWN HERE!" Officer Pettijohn was practically having a coronary right then and there. The other cop, Officer House, not surprisingly, was laughing uncontrollably.

 

"Oh, my goodness gracious! Y'all pulled a good one this time!" he was laughing so hard his eyes were watering. Charles and the other witnesses moved away from the raving cop toward the giggling officer, laughing with him.

 

"Stop laughin'! Dammit! House! Make 'em git down here!" Pettijohn was quite red-faced now and shaking his fist at Fuzzy and Evel. The riders stayed on the cow—way up high and out of reach—with silly grins on their faces.

 

"Come on down, boys," House said, trying to catch his breath. He waved his hand at the two up in the air, beckoning them to descend.

 

"Sure thing, Officer House! All ya had to do was ask nice like," Evel said amiably. "You first, Fuz."

 

Fuzzy slid off the cow, losing his balance, barely hanging on to the chain that had served as reins. The chain was longer than it first appeared—which was fortunate, because he further lost his footing and slipped off the platform. He dangled in the air with his feet kicking for a second or two before one end of the chain came loose from its fastening to the cow. Fuzzy dropped several feet quite suddenly and twirled at the end of that chain for another second. Not unexpectedly, the chain broke completely loose with a loud thunk. He fell to the ground. Charles ran over to help. But Fuzzy jumped right up on his feet, obviously not hurt.

 

"Git him! Handcuff him, House! Allen, you git down here now!" Pettijohn was still worked up.

 

"Calm down, Mad Dog! Take it easy!" House said to his colleague. "They're not hurtin' anything. I knew someday somebody would do this! Figures it was these two!"

 

"Don't you Mad Dog me. They've gone too far, I tell ya! Oh hell, you wanna handle it? Then handle it!" Pettijohn yelled at House. He turned on his heel growling, as he marched to his car. He left the scene in a huff.

 

Meanwhile, the second rider slid carefully down the pole and landed on the pavement in front of the still chuckling House. When Evel's feet hit the ground, he fell backward to lean on the wide metal pole. His great sigh of relief was both visible and audible. Abruptly, his knees collapsed, as his body slipped down into a squatting position. The shaken young man looked up abjectly at the delighted policeman.

 

"Oh man. Why didn't somebody remind me I'm afraid of heights?"

 

Blazing Star Books

 More News about Elaine Smith
Call for Humor Stories for New Book - 6/18/2014 7:37:00 PM

Short Story Contest Call for Entry - Do (or Don't) Let This Happen to You - 3/23/2011 4:29:00 PM

EBook The Perfect Place is ready and available! - 5/11/2010 2:14:00 PM







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