What should a wife do if she discovers her husband has cheated on her and fathered a child with one of their household employees? In the case of the recent high profile infidelity of Arnold Schwarzenegger, Maria Shriver has moved out. Shriver announced their separation on May 9, 2011 and moved into the couple’s Brentwood mansion.
Some people may feel Maria should give Arnold a second chance but we don’t know all the details of the infidelity yet, except that it happened over a decade ago with a close household employee and that Arnold fathered an illegitimate child by her. Other people may say that Maria should file for divorce because once a cheater, always a cheater.
“Every situation is different when it comes to infidelity,” says infidelity expert Stephany Alexander. “There are important questions to ask such as if this was a one-time occurrence or if it was a long-term, emotional and physical affair?”
Alexander is the author of “The Cheat Sheet: A Clue-by-Clue Guide to Finding Out If He's Unfaithful,” co-authored by Rea Frey. The Cheat Sheet discusses every aspect of infidelity, from catching cheaters to surviving infidelity and how to affair-proof your relationship and is available on Amazon.com.
“Maria needs to know all the infidelity details before she can decide whether she should even consider trying to save their marriage,” explains Alexander. “If this isn’t Arnold’s first time cheating, he could be a serial cheater and many times, these types of cheaters are difficult to rehabilitate."
“Maria probably feels extremely disrespected and hurt from discovering that a trusted household employee and her husband hid their infidelity and illegitimate child for a decade,” says Alexander. “For many women, this would simply be too much to handle emotionally and they would file for divorce.” Alexander adds, “It’s highly likely that Arnold had unsafe sex so he was risking his wife’s health by continuing to have sexual relations with Maria.”
According to an infidelity poll of over 6,183 women conducted by WomanSavers.com, 69% (4,288) would not forgive their partner if he had a sexual affair.* Source: WomanSavers.com
Alexander has counseled thousands of infidelity victims and says “a good way to determine what is and what is not acceptable is to ask yourself if you would be okay with your partner engaging in the same type of behavior with another person.” She adds, “if the answer is no, then you should definitely think twice about your actions.”
The question arises as to why former California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger would risk his career, reputation, his wife of 25 years and their four children, to have an affair with one of their household employees?
Here are some of the top reasons why politicians and celebrities (Arnold Schwarzenegger was both) are often found cheating.
1. Because they have more opportunities to cheat. Many politicians and celebrities are used to having people fawn over them. Because politicians travel frequently and are placed in social situations, it is easier for them to have the opportunity to cheat. Former President Bill Clinton, former New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani, and Former New York Governor Eliot Spitzer dealt with similar scandals while in office. Schwarzenegger waited to announce the affair until he was out of office.
2. For the thrill. Some politicians may cheat simply because they want someone new and different which can be exciting. They may cheat because they want to experiment new sexual things that their current partner will not partake in. That's why politicians and celebrities don't always cheat with women who are more attractive than their partners.
3. Poor self image: Even though politicians may seem like confident people, many still suffer from low self-esteem. Cheating can feed a person's ego by making them feel desired.
4. To see if they can get away with it. If a politician or celebrity has the attitude of "what she doesn't know won't hurt her," they may cheat to see if they are sneaky enough to get away with it. Many wives of politicians and celebrities continue to stay with their adulterous husbands if they are discreet about their affairs in order to avoid public embarrassment and to keep their comfortable lifestyles.
5. Relationship problems. Politicians and celebrities may stay in a bad relationship for various reasons, such as children or finances, or in the case of Schwarzenegger, to maintain his reputation while still in political office.
Alexander gives the following advice for reopening communication channels after infidelity. “Talk to your partner to see if you both feel the relationship is worth saving.” Alexander says. “If both people still love each other and are willing to put work into the relationship to rebuild it, it is possible to recover from infidelity.” “But it’s a long, hard road to rebuild the trust once it has been broken,” she adds.
About the author:
Infidelity expert Stephany Alexander, is the author of the new infidelity book titled, “The Cheat Cheat, co-authored by Rea Frey of reafrey.com, about catching a cheater, surviving infidelity and how to affair-proof your relationship containing real-life infidelity stories and advice available June 18 on Amazon.com. She is the founder of WomanSavers.com, a free date screening service for women who wish to avoid dating alleged abusive and cheating men. Alexander is one of the internet’s most well-known infidelity experts having been featured on E! Entertainment, FOX, Mike and Juliet Show (repeat expert), CBS Early Show and in the New York Times, USA Today, Associated Press, National Enquirer, Esquire, Glamour, “O” Oprah magazine and on hundreds of radio shows worldwide. To interview Ms. Alexander, please email womansavers.womansavers.com