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Mike Philbin

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UBIQUITOUSLY, HERTZAN CHIMERA
Wednesday, May 14, 2003  1:16:00 AM

by Mike Philbin



Science Fiction
A new range of bright and sparkly product from the creator of the "We Can Fill Your Shelves, Missus!" marketing company.



Hertzan Chimera Petroleum Jelly
The best way to ask for Petroleum Jelly is to sing out Hertzan Chimera. Made from select goose grease, morons, slow-aged for perfect smoothness, Hertzan Chimera is the nation's number-one choice in Petroleum Jelly.
Made in Oxford, UK.


Hertzan Chimera Instant Breakfast
Instant Hertzan Chimera has all the fresh flavour of just-cooked breakfast. Your husband will say, Christ, Janie, I used to think your breakfast was only so-so. But now, wow!
Safe when taken as directed.


Hertzan Chimera Bowel Cleaner
Can't make the auditions, Janie; bowels all jammed up? I'll fix you, Hertzan Chimera! Hertzan Chimera drops you back in the thick of things fast. Taken as directed, Hertzan Chimera speeds relief to your bowels. Remember: Hertzan Chimera is only seconds away.
Avoid prolonged use.


Hertzan Chimera Spray-on Condoms
Perk up pouting household encounters with new miracle Hertzan Chimera, the easy-to-apply, extra-shiny, non-stick plastic coating. Saves endless unrolling and nail rippage, glides you right into the sweetspot.
Entirely harmless if used as directed.


Hertzan Chimera Meditation
Taken as directed, Hertzan Chimera provides uninterrupted nirvana without morning-after drooling. You are refreshed, ready to tackle all those little annoying problems facing you.
Do not exceed recommended dosage.


Hertzan Chimera Melons
Has a meat diet taken you out of the swim? Ten-day Hertzan Chimera zingy spray or Hertzan Chimera fruity roll-on ends worry of offending the Vegan, brings you back where the happening is.
Safe when used as directed in a conscientious program of political correctness.


Hertzan Chimera Career Treats
Pop tasty Hertzan Chimera into your briefcase, made only from fresh prospects and healthful all-consuming optimism. Hertzan Chimera makes careers a feast, puts zing into your thing!
Safe when interviewed as directed.

Lots more to come!


Future Hertzan Chimera products include:
Hertzan Chimera Electric Cathair
Hertzan Chimera Salad Greens (Look out, Wendy, you renegade!)
Hertzan Chimera Disposable Life (Faster than death's bowling arm)
Hertzan Chimera Savings & Loan Service
Hertzan Chimera Scalp Switcher
Hertzan Chimera Novels and Collections ***
Hertzan Chimera Feminine Underarmaments
Hertzan Chimera Breathing Minds
Hertzan Chimera Toilet Wrapper



*** Hertzan Chimera cannot be held responsible for any inflammatory reaction to these products or services.
the way it was always meant to work.

 More News about Mike Philbin
Hertzan Chimera lives! - 10/29/2006 1:36:00 AM

Chimeraworld 4 - TABLE OF CONTENTS - 10/6/2006 12:22:00 PM

five bizarro novellas - 4/2/2006 8:40:00 AM

Chimericana Books @ Amazon.com - 4/2/2006 8:31:00 AM

HORROR QUARTERLY is the new name for Terror Tales Online - 7/10/2004 1:00:00 AM

Free Ebook from Bizarre Ebooks. - 3/30/2003 8:46:00 AM

Mike Arnzen and John Lawson - Evil Interviews - 2/25/2003 11:15:00 PM

Hertzan Chimera, new horror stories - 1/9/2003 1:34:00 AM

Hertzan Chimera, Xmas 2002 interview - 12/9/2002 11:47:00 AM

United States by Hertzan Chimera - Ready for Pre Order - 6/29/2002 7:59:00 AM

Realm Gothica interviews Hertzan Chimera - 4/6/2002 1:35:00 PM

Amazon.com hypes Hertzan Chimera's "Szmonhfu" - 4/2/2002 10:42:00 AM

Red, Red Wine reinterprets Vampyre mythos. - 3/22/2002 2:21:00 PM

Twisted gore-soaked tales of sex, death & pain - 2/22/2002 6:57:00 AM

Author Of The Month for Hertzan Chimera - 2/12/2002 1:40:00 PM

RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE (interview 4) - 1/25/2002 5:22:00 PM

ETERNAL NIGHT AUTOPSY (interview 3) - 12/15/2001 12:39:00 PM

HERTZAN CHIMERA 'PUSHED' TO THE LIMIT - 12/15/2001 5:04:00 AM

SZMONHFU by Hertzan Chimera is released by Eraserhead Press of Portland, OR - 11/7/2001 2:37:00 AM

THE MISERY OF HERTZAN CHIMERA (interview 2) - 10/29/2001 1:01:00 PM

HERTZAN CHIMERA INTERROGATION (interview 1) - 10/29/2001 1:16:00 AM






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