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Jay M Horne

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Warm Welcomes! How I have missed your company! I know many miles have separated us for a few years, but I have been uber busy writing and publishing, trying to land that one solid deal breaker. The time has come, and I am just now catching my breath! Since we've last seen one another I have gotten engaged to my beautiful love Angela McClain, whom I am sure you've seen on Facebook, and have inherited two wonderful children who are my World; Totally original girl Montana who is 7yrs old and my ALL BOY Ashton who is 5. We recently vacationed to my Hometown in Nahville for a book signing that bordered on disaster like a National Lampoons film at times, but it bonded us all permanently and we're now looking to buy a house maybe in the Tampa area next year. I am looking forward to seeing you very soon, but in the meantime I am sending free subscriptions to my newsletter 'The Jay's Daily Laugh' to all my friends and supporters to keep you guys- first of all LAUGHING and HAPPY but also updated on my appearances, signings, free offers, and latest book and/or movie releases. Here's a laugh to get you going, and thank everyone for all the blessings and support! Yes, you'll get a wedding invitation! geeze.

Daily Laugh:
Three nuns in church on a hot day decide to remove their robes because of the heat. Not an unusual habit on a hot day. So about a half hour later, the door bell rings while their robes are slumped over pews clear across the huge chapel.

They ask who it is. "The blind man," a voice replies.

The three nuns decide to simply open the door because the man is blind. He walks in, looks at the nuns and says, "Nice tits! Where do you want me to install these blinds?"
Newsletter Dated: 9/14/2011 5:12:51 PM

Subject: The Jay's Daily Laugh (2nd Edition)

Dear Reader,
This month's newsletter is the most informative, hilarious, and thrilling ever.....
FEEL FREE to read the plain text version here of the newsletter, or get the full effect by following the link below to the illustrated version where you can view, print, or simply enjoy.

The Jay’s Daily Laugh
"Continuing…….. The gift of Giving" Date Sep—31 Issue # 2
This month has come with many changing tides. Being people of action and keeping up in this fast - paced economy can be a mind - boggling exercise. Staying light on our feet and in our hearts is essential when it comes to weathering life’s little hang - ups. Though it is possible to tread the deeper water when it runs in high and tight, like a well trimmed Marine’s haircut, it is a whole lot easier to stay afloat and ride out the motion of the peaks and troughs while floating on our back and viewing the starry heavens above. The view, this way is always priceless, but sometimes it takes time to learn this important life lesson, and many people, in the mean time, fight for their lives through all types of calamity, treading through, for lack of a better phrase ‘Hell and high water’.
As tragic as this sounds, it is all part of learning, and it has been a part of our lives each and every one, at some time or another; But, it is in these times that we find enormous inspiration that sometimes breeds the amazing stories that are passed down from father to son, and mother to daughter. If we are lucky, some of these stories are told when there is a special ear around to hear that can pull some strings in the publishing world, and get some of these ‘treasures of literature and experience’ out into the world for generations to enjoy. What is really so sad about the tragedies, and hang - ups is that sometimes, the enormous growth that comes from the small setbacks is never attributed to the past after the memories fade away with time.
Philosophers like to relate this setback and growth pattern to that of the grape vine. Just as vinedressers must clip just the right stems and dying members of the grapevine to produce massive growth and productivity in the plant, God has a way of trimming from our own lives the parts of our being that are retarding our growth in other awesome directions as well.
“I know some serious pruning has been done in mine for the better!”
Where can pruning be done in your own lives? So with that said, I am continuing my tradition of giving with this monthly newsletter which I hope you find informative and enjoyable!
Also included is information on this month’s release of “Profitable E - book Publishing”, by yours truly, for those of you who have amazing stories of your lessons learned, that you would like to leave behind forever in legacy of your time here. Please forward it to your friends you feel would be interested.
Until next month...
Thank You All and God Bless,
Jay M Horne

P.S. I Know it’s called the Jay’s DAILY Laugh and it’s a monthly newsletter! LOL
In This Issue:
• The Mystery of Wrinkly Fingers - Also High Speed Water Travel through Oscillation
• Profitable E - Book Publishing [Do you have a legacy to leave behind?]
• Learn to Juggle: Learn to Live Again
• Joke of the Month
• The Monthly Mind Twister
• Contact the Editor

1. The Mystery of Wrinkly Fingers and High Speed Water Travel through Oscillation
Amphibious genes in our blood? Maybe so. At least you would think so as you watch any overexposed human climb from a swimming pool with their wrinkly fingers and toes.

Just what is it that makes our phalanges, carpals, and metacarpals prune? While government grant money was still being spent on the mega ridiculous, this little study went unnoticed. (Or is money still being spent on the mega ridiculous?)
We use to believe that our little extremities absorbed water to the point of logging and were merely saturated like a leather hide shrinks when wetted. But studies have now shown that the body is a systems reactor. That is: The body adapts to its surrounding environment and its conditions. This is only possible however if the nerve connections are present in the limbs so that the brain can transmit its new findings via them. This became apparent when this paper was published showing that when nerves are severed, the fingers do not prune in water.
How can this be and why? A system theorist says that an apple tree produces millions of fruits in its lifetime, even though only a few will produce new trees, because it is part of a living system. In the tree’s case, an ecosystem, in which it provides a home for animals, oxygen for inhabitants, and food for living organisms. The tree does this as part of a system, just as the fungus at the tip of its root provides nourishment for the tree, and the rain for the soil and fungus. Now the human body is joining the system theorists’ movement and proving that things like, the pruning of our fingers and toes happen to benefit the entire system. In this case the system being The Human Body. The theory is that the brain tells the handling extremities to form tread - like valleys in the tips to provide for traction when operating in wet environments. This would also explain why the toes and fingers are the only parts of the body that do this, theorists say.
While on the subject of water - Let us continue our study on movement:

Does sound effect the time in which an object traverses the vacuum of space, or other mediums?
Though stated in previous publications by Jay M Horne, a corkscrew shaped object could potentially drill through dense vacuum packed material as you near light - speed, but he also adds that the same movement as seen that sound has upon objects can be used to downturn the friction of the medium in which the object travels.
For instance: A sound wave cannot physically push an object forward through space, but it CAN vibrate and oscillate an object where it sits in space, which in turn will interfere with the surrounding medium, creating tiny open cavities which produce opportunity for forward unhindered acceleration. As long as the shorts bursts of propulsion are in tune, with the vacuum packets that the oscillating sound creates around the object, the matter should move forward at a substantially accelerating pace.
So if sound can be oscillated at the same frequency that laser light or physical propulsion can be executed then you would derive uninhibited speeds of transference. The question lies unanswered:
A submarine exuting quantified sound in oscillation from its hull could in theory move faster than a silent one?

2. Profitable E - Book Publishing [Do You Have a Legacy to Leave Behind?]

The publishing industry has become the single largest growing industry in the world. With computers becoming a necessary component in every household, more people are finding it possible to work from home for a living. Jobs hitting the community market include, independent cover design, editing, proof - reading, formatting, and e - book marketing.
Publishing platforms are becoming universally simple to operate. Even the beginner computer user can follow the on - screen instructions and oftentimes get their first work published in print or electronically.
The real trick in starting your own business from home in the writing or publishing industry, is to know your way around the internet, and what makes it tick. These tricks can take years to stumble upon. With the industry expanding exponentially it is imperative to take shortcuts so that you have an edge up on your competition (namely everyone) before the boom gets too large.
Profitable E - book Publishing takes the unlimited potential of the writing world and puts it into the palm of your hand. Find out how with almost NO knowledge of the internet, you can be the next Best - Selling E - book Author or Publisher today!

Get your copy of this essential guide today at the link below: - 20

3. Learn to Juggle: Learn to Live Again
“Those who know how to juggle utilize 3% more of their brain.” –wikihow

When you pass into the middle ages of your life you really start wondering if you are growing any smarter than you use to be. On one side your older and wiser, but on the other you have consumed more alcohol, legal drugs, cigarettes, and toxic food items than the holy temple probably should allow. Yes, occasional exercise null and voids your moderate abuse of the body, but what about your mind?
How long has it been since you learned something new? The bearable job was a learning experience, so was fitting in the perfect workout; Learning to cope with a wife and raise children trained a new part of your brain a little bit, and kept you going; But where do you find yourself headed now?
Retirement, no doubt, will be the popular answer to the previous question, but many people don’t like the idea of sitting on the couch for 30 years before they die. Some people in today’s economy are shooting for a second retirement, because their first one went out the window with World calamity. When life runs out of fuel, or you find yourself living in circles, it’s not because you have failed to grow your body and keep it happily evolving, it is because you have failed to realize that you are a three part being. Body, Mind, & Spirit.

"It suggests that learning a skill is more important than exercising what you are good at already; the brain wants to be puzzled and learn something new."
– Arne May of the University Medical Centre Hamburg - Eppendorf in Germany

Jay’s New Book ‘Learn to Juggle: Learn to Live Again’ is due out in early October of this year. Look for it on every electronic device SOON!

4. Joke of the Month
A Quickie
“You see, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.” –Robin Wiliams

Joke of the Month
John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, 'Here's to spending the rest of me life between the legs of me wife!'

That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!

He went home and told his wife, Mary, 'I won the prize for the Best toast of the night'

She said, 'Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?'

John said, 'Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife.'

'Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!' Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner.

The man chuckled leeringly and said, 'John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary.'

She said, 'Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come.'

5. The Monthly Mind Twister
Just follow these instructions, and answer the questions one at a time and as quickly as you can! Don't advance until you've done each of them. Now, ARROW down, but not too fast, you might miss something.........

1. Think of a number from 1 to 10

2. Multiply it by 9

3. Add the digits together

4. Subtract 5

5. Find the letter of the alphabet which corresponds to your
number (1 = A, 2 = B, ...)

6. Think of a country that starts with that letter

7. Think of an animal that starts with the last letter of your country

8. Think of a color that starts with the last letter of your animal

What do you mean?????!!!!! – You would never find an orange kangaroo in Denmark?

Jay M Horne 5. Contact the Author
Copyright © [2011] by [Jay M Horne] - All Rights Reserved.
Editor: [Jay], [International Mobile Publishing]
[3064 Walnut Lane Marianna, FL 32446]
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