AuthorsDen.com  Join Free! | Login 

 
   Popular! Books, Stories, Articles, Poetry
Where Authors and Readers come together!

Signed Bookstore | Authors | eBooks | Books | Stories | Articles | Poetry | Blogs | News | Events | Reviews | Videos | Success | Gold Members | Testimonials

Featured Authors: Derek Flower, iJackie Miller, iKH LeMoyne, iTerry Vinson, iBrad Kennedy, iJ. Joy Matthews Alford - Sistah Joy, iPhilip Hughes-Luing, i
  Home > Tina B Tessina > Newsletter  

Tina B Tessina

· + Follow Me
· Contact Me
· Success story
· Books
· Articles
· Poetry
· Blog
· Messages
· 516 Titles
· 276 Reviews
· Share with Friends!
·
Member Since: Mar, 2001

   newsletter

Subscribe to the Tina B Tessina Newsletter. Enter your name and email below and click "sign me up!"
Name:
Email:
Tina B Tessina, click here to update your pages on AuthorsDen.


Books by Tina B Tessina
Hello, and welcome to the "Happiness Tips" newsletter. In addition to a helpful tip for increasing your happiness, you can find out where I'll be signing books, and how to contact me, along with "Happiness Tips from Tina" in every month's newsletter. Please remember to add tina.tinatessina.com to your "acceptable" list, especially if you're on AOL.
Newsletter Dated: 8/1/2015 2:43:07 PM

Subject: Happiness Tips from Tina: Relationship Myths

Dear Friends:

Welcome to our new subscribers, I love hearing from all of you, and I've printed your e-mail responses at the bottom of this newsletter. I welcome all suggestions for topics. To make sure your spam system doesnít reject this newsletter, please add tina@tinatessina.com to your list of acceptable e-mail. I am not able to fill out forms online because youíre screening for spam. To unsubscribe, see below.

Remember if you donít want the newsletter, just click the link at the bottom, and youíll be instantly unsubscribed. If you missed the newsletter last month, the article is on my website at http://www.tinatessina.com/monthly_column.html

Iím very excited about my newest Kindle book: The Real 13th Step: Discovering Confidence, Self-Reliance and Independence Beyond the 12-Step Programs. http://tinyurl.com/k6d8qne
One reviewer wrote ďThis is the paddle you donít want to be up the creek without.Ē

Happiness Tip: Relationship Myths
Because I hang out in unsavory places like Facebook, Twitter and social media, I see a lot of misinformation about what healthy marriage and relationships are like, so I thought Iíd correct the most prevalent ones.
Myth: Happy Couples Donít Argue.
Facts: There is a pervasive myth that somehow happy couples just agree on everything automatically all the time. Believing this myth, we enter relationships convinced that whatever problems or differences we have with our partners will be easy to solve. But, in reality, the individuals who make up a partnership will disagree frequently, and often struggle over even minor issues. In the course of building and sustaining a lifetime relationship, every couple encounters many problems. Different backgrounds and experience, discordant perception of each other and events, unequal rates of education and growth, conflicting needs for self - expression and contact, and differing values and beliefs about relationships complicate and often block attempts at creating partnership together. Discussion is valuable; fighting and yelling, however, is destructive. Learning to discuss these differences calmly, and even agreeing to disagree, will keep your relationship interesting and dynamic.
Myth : We donít need to talk about the relationship:
Facts: People who like to avoid conflict love this myth, but itís just not true. In fact, the best way to avoid conflict is to discuss things openly. No two people are the same, like the same things, want to do the same things or even understand things the same. You and your partner are bound to have differences you need to discuss. When you have a regular chance to talk about whatís going on in the relationship, problems, resentment and frustration donít get a chance to build.
I often recommend couples increase their mutual respect and appreciation by having a regular ďState of the UnionĒ meeting, to enhance your cooperation, tolerance and rationality, and to defuse conflict as soon as it arises. Whether you are single, dating, married or have a family, this meeting date will make a tremendous difference in the emotional tenor of the relationship. If youíre blending a family from previous situations, it will make a huge difference in your success.
If you set a pattern of doing this early in a relationship, it will be easy to expand the group to include children if you have them. For relationships and families that are already established, it might feel a bit awkward to begin the meetings at first, but if you follow the steps below, everyone will soon experience the value of having an appropriate time and place to talk about issues and plans. As you clear the air, everyone will relax, problems will be minor, and the couple or whole family can use the time for bonding, sharing stories and experiences, and creating quality time together.
Myth: Spouses donít need to court each other; once youíre committed you can relax.
Facts: In fact, relaxing too much can lead to boredom and feeling taken for granted. The relationships depicted in the media; and perhaps relationships you see around you, do not model kind, loving and considerate behavior very well. Although the press may be bored by politeness, kindness and happiness, those traits will make your partner and your relationship flourish and blossom. Consider kindness to be the lubricant of your communication; and expressing love to be the fertilizer that makes the relationship bloom.
Remembering to court each other regularly during the course of the relationship will keep the excitement alive. Remember all the fun ways you first drew each other into your lives, and be sure to keep up that effort. Youíll both be glad you did, and your relationship will be much stronger for it.
Myth: Itís normal to be bored with your spouse.
Facts: Boredom is a sign that spouses are taking each other and your relationship for granted. Pay attention to feelings of boredom, they are an important indicator. If your activities have become too routine, you can counter the boredom by taking necessary risks. For example, have that scary discussion about intimacy, aging, your in-laws, or dare to suggest a change in your routine. It doesn't matter what you do as long as it's different and can be shared. Try these three simple, but key actions to help avoid boredom in your relationship: Celebrate, play, and laugh together, as much as possible.
Myth: Itís weird to have individual social interests or take separate vacations.
Facts: It seems logical that like would attract like, but in my private practice as a relationship counselor and psychotherapist, I often see people drawn to their opposite; because it's new and exciting.
But if there isn't a certain degree of similarity between you and your partner, it will be too stressful to last. The excitement and challenge of your relationship comes from your differences; the security and ease of your relationship comes from your similarities. Some separate activities honor the individual in a relationship. Having your own social scene and taking trips without your spouse actually promotes your sense of self-worth and giving each other the space to be yourselves and keep that unique appeal you each once had actually helps strengthen your relationship, not hurt it.
Myth: You donít need to be polite and considerate all the time with your partner.
Facts: Couples may lapse into disrespectful or uncaring behavior with each other, not taking the trouble to be polite and kind, but your relationship deserves the same level of consideration as any other relationship, if not more. Paying attention to how you speak to each other, including how polite and considerate your tone and manner is with your sweetheart, will help keep you both happier.
Let your partner know you appreciate what he or she does, personality traits, (i.e.: his sense of humor, her generosity, his practicality, her hard work) and companionship. The more you praise what you like, the more you'll get of it. We all want to be appreciated. Celebration + appreciation = motivation.
Myth: Thereís no time for fun in a relationship, especially with kids.
Facts: A key ingredient for success for any long-term relationship is having fun together. Taking time to enjoy each other, no matter how busy you are at work or with kids, is crucial to keeping both spouses feeling connected and happy, throughout decades of relationship.
Finding new ways to have fun together can also be an exciting challenge. Consider going to unexplored places (a coffee shop or museum), or just branching out and watching a different comedy show together when the kids are asleep. When you do have time alone as a couple, do some of the things you did when you were first together. You are more than just parents. You began as lovers, and you need to keep that in mind.
Myth: Someone Has to be in Charge in the Relationship
Facts: The belief that someone has to be in charge of the relationship causes couples to compete for power rather than cooperate. Partners who are otherwise loving can find themselves struggling because they believe itís the way to get their needs met. Between partners in intimate relationships competition becomes stressful, counter - productive and toxic, poisoning the relationship by turning us into adversaries, and undermining the mutual support and encouragement vital to satisfactory relationships.
Myth: A relationship requires a lot of sacrifice
Facts: Your responsibilities include both caring for yourself and for your partner, and it works both ways. Guard against sacrificing too much by making sure you care about yourself, emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually. Guard against narcissism and selfishness by caring about your partner in the same four areas. Achieving balance in these areas is the best way to ensure that your relationship will thrive, and no one will carry too much resentment, which is the only emotion that can destroy love.
Myth: If you let your partner know youíre angry, youíll start a fight.
Facts: Holding a grudge means thereís no chance to solve the problem. Instead, talk about what's bothering you in a rational way. Ask clearly for what you want, and let your partner know why it's important to you. If you can't find a way to agree, go for a counseling session. Resentment will destroy your relationship. For the price of one session, before the problem gets too large, you can save it.
Busting these myths, and correcting the corresponding habits and behaviors will set the tone and create an atmosphere where your relationship can thrive. They're like the water, sun and fertilizer to a plant --the natural necessities of relationships.
©2015 Tina B. Tessina adapted from: Lovestyles: How to Celebrate Your Differences (Kindle and Paperback)
If you want more, here are some related articles you can download from my website at http://tinatessina.com/monthly_column.html
Asking for What you Want
Aspects of Love
Avoiding The Drama Triangle
Couples Can Cooperate for Success
Creating Unconditional Love
Fair Fight Guidelines
Family Meetings
Family Relationships
Family Violence Q&A
From Struggling to Solving
Guidelines for Being Understood by Your Partner
Handling The Green-Eyed Monster
How Not to Fight
How to be Irresistible to Your Mate
Itís a Dirty Job
Keys to a Happy Relationship
Lighten Up - Cures for Marital Boredom
Lovestyles
The Magic of Reassurance
The Nail in the Fence: Healing Wounds
Peace Begins at Home
Response-Ability
Relationships 101: Do Opposites Attract?
The Right Way to Love
Romance is Not Necessarily Love
State of the Union Meeting
Stop Reacting and Start Relating
What Is A Dysfunctional Relationship?
When Love is Kind: Mutuality in Relationships
Why Couples Fall Out Of Love

Letís get connected!

Follow me on Twitter @tinatessina
"Like" my Dr. Romance Facebook Page http://www.facebook.com/DrRomanceBlog#!/DrRomanceBlog

The Dr. Romance blog: http://drromance.typepad.com/dr_romance_blog/
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/tinatessina
LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/tinatessina

I'll also answer your questions at http://www.tinatessina.com

Upcoming radio shows, TV, and lectures are all posted on my website at http://www.tinatessina.com

I welcome your feedback and support, please contact me at tina@tinatessina.com.

Wishing you joy,
Tina B. Tessina, PhD
www.tinatessina.com

MAILBOX
Re: Emotional Responsibility
(See this past article at http://www.tinatessina.com/monthly_column.html )
Loved you happiness tips this week! Joanne
Thanks for letting me know, Joanne! That makes me happy.


Recent Newsletters
· Saturday, August 01, 2015
· Wednesday, July 01, 2015
· Monday, June 01, 2015
· Saturday, May 02, 2015
· Saturday, May 02, 2015
· Wednesday, April 08, 2015
· Tuesday, March 03, 2015
· Sunday, February 01, 2015
· Thursday, January 01, 2015
· Monday, December 01, 2014
· Monday, November 03, 2014
· Wednesday, October 01, 2014
· Monday, September 01, 2014
· Friday, August 01, 2014
· Wednesday, July 02, 2014
· Monday, June 02, 2014
· Thursday, May 01, 2014
· Monday, March 31, 2014
· Sunday, March 02, 2014
· Monday, February 03, 2014
· Monday, February 03, 2014
· Tuesday, December 31, 2013
· Thursday, December 05, 2013
· Monday, November 04, 2013
· Tuesday, October 01, 2013
· Sunday, September 01, 2013
· Thursday, August 01, 2013
· Monday, July 01, 2013
· Thursday, June 06, 2013
· Monday, May 06, 2013
· Monday, May 06, 2013
· Wednesday, April 03, 2013
· Friday, March 01, 2013
· Thursday, January 31, 2013
· Thursday, December 27, 2012
· Thursday, November 01, 2012
· Saturday, September 01, 2012
· Saturday, September 01, 2012
· Wednesday, August 01, 2012
· Sunday, July 01, 2012
· Sunday, June 03, 2012
· Friday, May 04, 2012
· Sunday, April 01, 2012
· Saturday, March 03, 2012
· Friday, February 03, 2012
· Wednesday, January 04, 2012
· Sunday, December 04, 2011
· Tuesday, November 01, 2011
· Saturday, October 08, 2011
· Friday, September 02, 2011
· Tuesday, August 02, 2011
· Thursday, June 30, 2011
· Thursday, June 30, 2011
· Tuesday, May 31, 2011
· Thursday, May 05, 2011
· Friday, April 01, 2011
· Friday, March 04, 2011
· Thursday, February 03, 2011
· Saturday, January 01, 2011
· Wednesday, December 01, 2010
· Monday, November 01, 2010
· Thursday, September 30, 2010
· Wednesday, September 01, 2010
· Sunday, August 01, 2010
· Thursday, July 01, 2010
· Tuesday, June 08, 2010
· Monday, May 03, 2010
· Saturday, April 03, 2010
· Monday, March 01, 2010
· Monday, February 01, 2010
· Thursday, January 07, 2010
· Tuesday, December 01, 2009
· Tuesday, November 03, 2009
· Monday, October 05, 2009
· Monday, August 03, 2009
· Wednesday, July 01, 2009
· Tuesday, June 02, 2009
· Thursday, April 30, 2009
· Wednesday, April 01, 2009
· Sunday, March 01, 2009
· Saturday, January 31, 2009
· Thursday, January 01, 2009
· Monday, December 01, 2008
· Thursday, November 06, 2008
· Friday, October 03, 2008
· Monday, September 01, 2008
· Saturday, August 02, 2008
· Sunday, July 06, 2008
· Tuesday, June 10, 2008
· Wednesday, May 07, 2008
· Tuesday, April 01, 2008
· Saturday, March 01, 2008
· Friday, February 01, 2008
· Tuesday, January 01, 2008
· Monday, December 03, 2007
· Saturday, November 03, 2007
· Tuesday, October 02, 2007
· Thursday, September 06, 2007
· Saturday, August 04, 2007
· Tuesday, July 03, 2007
· Tuesday, June 05, 2007
· Wednesday, May 02, 2007
· Sunday, April 01, 2007
· Saturday, March 03, 2007
· Wednesday, January 31, 2007
· Monday, January 01, 2007
· Friday, December 01, 2006
· Thursday, November 02, 2006
· Tuesday, October 03, 2006
· Wednesday, September 06, 2006
· Friday, August 04, 2006
· Friday, June 30, 2006
· Friday, June 02, 2006
· Saturday, May 06, 2006
· Friday, March 31, 2006
· Wednesday, March 01, 2006
· Thursday, February 02, 2006
· Saturday, December 31, 2005
· Thursday, December 08, 2005
· Thursday, November 03, 2005
· Tuesday, October 04, 2005
· Friday, September 02, 2005
· Friday, August 05, 2005
· Monday, August 01, 2005
· Tuesday, July 05, 2005
· Sunday, July 03, 2005
· Wednesday, June 01, 2005
· Wednesday, June 01, 2005
· Monday, April 25, 2005
· Saturday, April 23, 2005
· Sunday, April 03, 2005
· Wednesday, March 30, 2005
· Friday, March 04, 2005
· Wednesday, March 02, 2005
· Friday, January 28, 2005
· Wednesday, January 26, 2005
· Wednesday, January 05, 2005
· Tuesday, January 04, 2005
· Monday, December 06, 2004
· Sunday, December 05, 2004
· Monday, November 01, 2004
· Sunday, October 31, 2004
· Thursday, October 07, 2004
· Tuesday, October 05, 2004
· Friday, September 10, 2004
· Wednesday, September 08, 2004
· Friday, August 06, 2004
· Tuesday, August 03, 2004
· Thursday, July 08, 2004
· Thursday, July 01, 2004
· Monday, June 21, 2004
· Tuesday, June 15, 2004
· Monday, May 31, 2004
· Wednesday, May 19, 2004
· Tuesday, May 04, 2004
· Sunday, May 02, 2004
· Tuesday, April 27, 2004
· Wednesday, April 21, 2004
· Saturday, April 03, 2004
· Thursday, April 01, 2004
· Tuesday, March 30, 2004
· Tuesday, March 23, 2004
· Tuesday, March 16, 2004
· Wednesday, March 10, 2004
· Wednesday, March 03, 2004
· Tuesday, March 02, 2004
· Monday, February 23, 2004
· Tuesday, February 17, 2004
· Wednesday, February 11, 2004
· Friday, February 06, 2004
· Tuesday, February 03, 2004
· Monday, January 26, 2004
· Wednesday, January 21, 2004
· Tuesday, January 13, 2004
· Tuesday, January 06, 2004
· Friday, December 26, 2003
· Wednesday, December 10, 2003
· Wednesday, December 10, 2003
· Wednesday, December 10, 2003
· Monday, December 01, 2003
· Monday, December 01, 2003
· Monday, November 24, 2003
· Wednesday, November 19, 2003
· Wednesday, November 12, 2003
· Tuesday, November 04, 2003
· Saturday, November 01, 2003
· Tuesday, October 21, 2003
· Tuesday, October 14, 2003
· Thursday, October 09, 2003
· Saturday, October 04, 2003
· Monday, September 29, 2003
· Sunday, September 21, 2003
· Tuesday, September 16, 2003
· Tuesday, September 09, 2003
· Thursday, September 04, 2003
· Monday, September 01, 2003
· Tuesday, August 26, 2003
· Monday, August 18, 2003
· Thursday, August 07, 2003
· Friday, August 01, 2003
· Thursday, July 24, 2003
· Saturday, July 05, 2003
· Monday, June 23, 2003
· Monday, June 16, 2003
· Sunday, June 08, 2003
· Thursday, June 05, 2003
· Tuesday, June 03, 2003
· Sunday, May 25, 2003
· Sunday, May 04, 2003
· Thursday, May 01, 2003
· Wednesday, April 30, 2003
· Wednesday, April 30, 2003
· Tuesday, April 15, 2003
· Sunday, March 30, 2003
· Monday, March 24, 2003
· Monday, March 17, 2003
· Friday, March 14, 2003
· Friday, March 14, 2003



You can also search authors by alphabetical listing: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z


Featured Authors | New to AuthorsDen? | Add AuthorsDen to your Site
Share AD with your friends | Need Help? | About us


Problem with this page?   Report it to AuthorsDen

© AuthorsDen, Inc. All rights reserved.