I recently had a first session with a client who said, about halfway into the hour “Wow. I like you. I’m surprised.” I laughed, but I knew what the client meant. As a psychotherapist in private practice, I encounter a lot of people who waited far too long to come in for counseling because they didn’t understand what it was or how it could help them. When they do finally come in, I hear all the reasons why they haven’t come in sooner. There’s a lot of bad information out there. These ten things will clear up confusion and help you understand when counseling would be a good idea for you, or for a friend, colleague or family member.

1. It doesn’t mean you’re crazy. Therapy is for helping you learn to handle your feelings and thoughts in a more effective way.

2. It's not about blaming your parents or other people. While understanding events in your life that may trigger feelings is helpful, a good therapist will not encourage you to blame anyone, even yourself. The point is to make changes in how you think and feel.

3. It really can vastly improve your life, and make you more successful and happier.

4. You can learn skills you didn't know you needed, that will get you what you want.

5. It's not scary, it's enlightening. You won't be harmed or belittled - - instead, you'll be delighted at what you find out.

6. It doesn't cost a lot. The earlier you go in, the quicker you can get the problem solved, and the less it will cost.

7. No topic is off limits. Whatever you haven't been able to talk about, the therapist will create a safe place for you to hear and be heard.

8. Communication is not only something you need to learn to do well with others, it is also important to see how you’re relating to yourself. Therapy will help you learn the skills you need to improve both external and internal communication.

9. Even if you are on medication, you can benefit from counseling. Research shows overwhelmingly that medication alone won’t fix anxiety or depression. Learning to express your feelings and become comfortable with yourself, as well as changing your self - talk, is what makes the difference.

10 It’s about being happy, sunshine. Therapy can help you understand your underlying motive and desires and teach you how to be your best, most fulfilled, and happiest self.

If you know someone you want to recommend counseling to, the best way to do it without hurting their feelings or upsetting them is to tell about your own experience and how it helped you. “Guidelines for Finding and Using Therapy Wisely” which is free on the “Happiness Tips” section of my website at http://tinatessina.com/monthly_column.html, will show you or someone you care about when and how to find a good therapist. © 2011 Tina B. Tessina
adapted from: Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Squabbling
About the Three Things That Can Destroy Your Marriage (Adams Media) ISBN# 978 - 1 - 59869 - 325 - 6

If you want more, here are some related articles you can download from my website at http://tinatessina.com/monthly_column.html

Anger: Cleansing Squall or Hurricane?
Anticipating Change
Attitude: From Negative to Gratitude
Comforting the Little Orphan Girl
The Courage to Hope
Coping with Critics
Detox Your Life
Don't Panic
Emotional Hygiene
Emotions as Weather
Family Violence Q&A
Friends in Need: Interventions for Domestic Violence
Getting Out of Your Way
Guidelines for Finding and Using Therapy Wisely
Handling Anxiety Effectively
Handling The Green - Eyed Monster
How to Keep Yourself Out of a Violent Relationship
Into Every Life
Learning Forgiveness
Letting Go of Anxiety
Letting Go Takes Love
Life Lessons
Mirrors and Teachers
Motivation And How to Create It (Good Boss/Bad Boss)
Patterns of Change
Resolving Inner Anarchy
Response - Ability
Surviving Loss & Thriving Again
Tapping Your “Inner Mentor” to Create New Meaning in Your Life
Turning Poison Into Medicine
What Is A Dysfunctional Relationship?
Winning The War Within
The Worrier's Guidelines
Your Primary Relationship

Appearances Calendar

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You can find me on the Internet as "Dr. Romance" on Divorce360.com: http://www.divorce360.com/articles - by - tina - tessina/128.aspx
I’m a Contributing Editor for Redbook

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I welcome your feedback and support, please contact me at tina@tinatessina.com.

Wishing you joy,
Tina B. Tessina, PhD
www.tinatessina.com

MAILBOX

Re: Emotional Hygiene
Hi Tina, Thank you for another great and timely advice column. I have noticed this connect between our bodies and our emotional selves. What a good analogy you used in calling this taking care, hygiene. I am hoping all is well with you. Take Care, Bonnie

Thanks for letting me know, Bonnie – I respect your knowledge, so your comment means a lot.

Dear Tina:

Here we go again! Just when I thought you couldn't get much better, you prove me wrong. Your tips on Emotional Hygiene couldn't have come at a better time. I just want to thank you for your wonderful knowledge and how much I appreciate you. Friends forever, Eddie

Thanks for making me grin, Eddie – I’m glad it was helpful to you.

My dear Dr.Tina Goodnight for you and for your Family. I have become very happy to see your message today. You can not forget me please. agha

Hello, Agha – glad I’m reaching you so far away.

Hi Tina, Once again, thank you for these timely reminders. Grateful thanks, Anil

Thanks for writing, Anil.

Hi, Tina – A definition of forgiveness that I heard recently and liked: Forgiveness is giving up hope that the past will ever be any different. Christine

Hi, Christine - - I like that, too. And, I want it to say something about the present and the future. I think forgiveness is not saying "It's OK you did that" but "I know I'm safe from you now, so I can let go of my anger."

I always benefit from your writing... Joel
Thank you, Joel. I benefit from your support. I'm so glad you're benefitting from the newsletter.

Dear Dr. Tina: Thanks so much for including me! I always enjoy reading you. Cheers, Craig

Hi, Craig: Thanks for letting me know.

Hey Tina Sorry to hear about your recent surgery and subsequent trauma. I'm hoping that you are all recovered and life is sunny for you again. Sending you loving vibes to speed the healing! Mel

Hi, Mel: Thanks, I'm fine now. Hope all is well with both of you.

I know you through the eyes of my dear cousin Cookie...it appears I've heard of you
all my life...I love the work you're involved in, your perseverance, determination, and
efforts you do for humankind... Thanks again and looking very much to hear from you...Many blessings, Sylvia S.
Thank you so much, Sylvia. It's my pleasure, and I hope you find it helpful.

Tina im so far from you im in Egypt but all this distance wont me to stop reading your wisdom, yes i call it wisdom buz how pretty my life become since i enjoy your wall, im proud on you , im proud on you . im proud on you, i just want you to know i pray for you your faithful Kotaroh

Dear Kotaroh: Thank you so much for writing. It makes me very happy to hear that my newsletters are helping you. You and Egypt are in my prayers and thoughts. I will never forget my visits to Cairo and Alexandria, and I pray for a successful outcome to your current struggles.

Thank you, Tina, for this wonderful newsletter. As I do each month, I read your message from top to bottom. This month's really resonated with me and I'm keeping the text to refer back to it as needed. Thank you for everything - your wisdom is truly appreciated. Love, Luisa

Thank you so much for letting me know it's useful to you. I'm grateful for the feedback. I hope all is going well.

Hi Tina, I really appreciated your words on emotional hygiene. It’s is something that we don’t always think about. I know I don’t. On the one hand, it seems so simple, on the other, it’s quite profound. Keep up the good work. Ken

: - ) Thank you, Ken. That warms my heart.