AuthorsDen.com  Join Free! | Login 

 
USA Independence Day
   Popular! Books, Stories, Articles, Poetry
Where Authors and Readers come together!

Signed Bookstore | Authors | eBooks | Books | Stories | Articles | Poetry | Blogs | News | Events | Reviews | Videos | Success | Gold Members | Testimonials

Featured Authors: Elizabeth Weeks-Rowe, iWynn Schiller, iRichard French, iLloyd Lofthouse, iRoxanne Bland, iPaddy Bostock, iLinda Frank, i
  Home > Tina B Tessina > Newsletter  

Tina B Tessina

· + Follow Me
· Contact Me
· Success story
· Books
· Articles
· Poetry
· Blog
· Messages
· 497 Titles
· 267 Reviews
· Share with Friends!
·
Member Since: Mar, 2001

   newsletter

Subscribe to the Tina B Tessina Newsletter. Enter your name and email below and click "sign me up!"
Name:
Email:
Tina B Tessina, click here to update your pages on AuthorsDen.


Books by Tina B Tessina
Hello, and welcome to the "Happiness Tips" newsletter. In addition to a helpful tip for increasing your happiness, you can find out where I'll be signing books, and how to contact me, along with "Happiness Tips from Tina" in every month's newsletter. Please remember to add tina.tinatessina.com to your "acceptable" list, especially if you're on AOL.
Newsletter Dated: 5/31/2011 11:15:54 PM

Subject: Happiness Tips from Tina: It‘s a Dirty Job

Dear Friends:

Welcome to our new subscribers, I love hearing from all of you, and I've printed your e mail responses at the bottom of this newsletter. I welcome all suggestions for topics. To make sure your spam system doesn’t reject this newsletter, please add tina@tinatessina.com to your list of acceptable e-mail. I am not able to fill out forms online because you=re screening for spam. To unsubscribe, see below.

Remember if you don't want the newsletter, just click the link at the bottom, and you'll be instantly unsubscribed. If you missed the newsletter last month, the article is on my website at http://www.tinatessina.com/monthly_column.html

Happiness Tip: It‘s a Dirty Job
Richard and I celebrated our 29th anniversary last month. It hasn't always been easy, but it=s definitely been worth it. In the first year of our marriage, after a difficult struggle between us, I gave my husband a card. On the front it said, "I love you," many times, and inside it said, "It's a dirty job, but someone has to do it." That phrase has carried us through many difficult times since. We have kept our love alive, and the joy of this relationship carries us through the rest of life.

I read many articles about what happens "after the passion dies" in long term relationships, and my clients frequently are worried about the same question. I believe what happens, when all goes well, is that a sense of humor sets in.

The burden of passion can be a heavy one. Having to rev up the energy for a passionate, heavy breathing session making love after a hard day's work can be an appalling prospect. How much more inviting it is to be able to have a silly giggle session, complete with sexual play, with the dearest person I know. Suddenly, the heaviness and obligation are gone, and if I'm too tired to be passionate and alluring, I always seem to have the energy to "mess around".

Arguments are hard to have with a lovable three year old, which is what my husband can become at the drop of an accusation. He puts his hands on his hips, sticks out his chin, and (in a perfect imitation of a kid mimicking an angry parent) says, "Who did that?" He then points his finger at whatever offense (a messy table, a forgotten chore, lights left on) I've lost my sense of humor about. Watching him, I can't hang on to my anger. After we laugh, then we can do something constructive about the problem.

P1ease understand that I'm speaking of humor, not irresponsibility. We are both adults with successful businesses, and we have an equal, relatively balanced relationship. We hashed that out many years ago. We get irritable with each other mostly out of exhaustion and frustration with our heavy schedules, not because either one of us is slacking off. Things don't get done at times because we have hectic lives, and hectic lives benefit greatly from a sense of humor.

I guess it takes a certain amount of self acceptance to create healthy humor, rather than the hurtful kind; but then again, this loving, shared laughter has also enhanced my degree of self acceptance. The paradox seems to be that having permission for child like play also gives permission to be responsible and self accepting. We don't make nasty jokes about each other and our love, and I don't exactly know how to express the difference. What I do know is we laugh together, and it feels good.

We have been together more than a quarter century. We could still grow apart, but I don't think so. This is my second marriage, and the first long term relationship where I don't feel in danger of being bored. I seem to easily run out of things to be passionate about, or dramatic about, but laughter never gets boring. It's also difficult to store up resentments against the person in my life who makes it easiest for me to laugh.

I find myself looking for ways to make Richard laugh; and over the years, I've gotten pretty good at it. He knows my "laugh buttons" better, too. Could he be looking for them? I wouldn't be surprised.

So, rather than treasuring old grudges, old hurts, we treasure old jokes and funny lines. I know I can turn to Richard and say "it's a dirty job ..." and get an answering smile. I also know he understands when I say that phrase, that I love him, "warts and all" It's a good feeling.

There are times when an overwhelming feeling of warmth and caring flows over me, and many of those times are when I laugh with Richard. Humor seems to be the secret, at least for us, in both keeping our love fresh and alive, and in feeling confident that we will not lose our "specialness" to each other.

The more we learn about living together, the less we struggle, and the less we struggle, the more we laugh and play. One of things I have learned as a therapist is that struggle is often used by families to structure time. As a partner in this relationship, I have learned that replacing the drama of struggle with the delight of humor can be a positive addiction; and a powerful solution for what to do with our time together.

The net result of all this is that I have become an advocate of the "silly solution", and it is working better than all the seriousness I used to think my relationships required. There is a blessing in the joy of shared laughter.
(c)2011 Tina B. Tessina adapted from: How To Be a Couple and Still Be Free (New Page) ISBN #1 56414 549 2

If you want more, here are some related articles you can read or download for free at http://tinatessina.com/monthly_column.html

Anger: Cleansing Squall or Hurricane?

Apology and Forgiveness
Asking For What You Want
Aspects of Love
Attitude: From Negative to Gratitude
Couples Can Cooperate for Success
Coping with Critics
Creating Unconditional Love
Fair Fight Guidelines
Family Violence Q&A
Gentle Persistence
Getting to Yes
Guidelines for Being Understood by Your Partner
Handling The Green Eyed Monster
How Not to Fight
How to be Irresistible to Your Mate
How to Keep Yourself Out of a Violent Relationship
The Importance of Humor
Jealousy, Faithfulness and Distance
Lighten Up - Cures for Marital Boredom
The Magic of Reassurance
Peace Begins at Home
Relating With Love
State of the Union Meeting
Stop Reacting and Start Relating
What Is A Dysfunctional Relationship?
When Love is Kind: Mutuality in Relationships
Your Primary Relationship


Appearances Calendar

New! Follow me www.twitter.com/tinatessina @tinatessina
The Dr. Romance blog: http://drromance.typepad.com/dr_romance_blog/
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/tinatessina
LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/tinatessina
You can find me on the Internet as "Dr. Romance" on Divorce360.com: http://www.divorce360.com/articles by tina tessina/128.aspx
I'm a Contributing Editor for Redbook

I'll also answer your questions at http://www.tinatessina.com

Upcoming radio shows, TV, and lectures are all posted on my website at http://www.tinatessina.com and at http://www.booktour.com/author/tina_b_tessina

I welcome your feedback and support, please contact me at tina@tinatessina.com.

Wishing you joy,
Tina B. Tessina, PhD
www.tinatessina.com

MAILBOX

To Help an Addicted Friend:

Love it!!!!
Thanks for this! Amanda

So glad you do, Amanda!

Dear Tina, I thank you for the News letter, you always have interesting topics for your readers.
What I enjoy most is that you are neutral in your articles, so we enjoy reading with pleasure and have time to reflect. God bless you, Henry

Thank you, Henry, and thanks for writing. I do try not to judge, but to offer useful information instead. I'm glad you enjoy it.

l read your article on addiction with interest, Tina, and thank you. Jeff

Thanks for letting me know, Jeff. It keeps me going.

Hello Tina,
I want you to know how much I benefit from your happiness tips newsletter and your writings. You are such a positive force in the world, so thank you.
Best, Lauren

Thank you, Lauren – that’s what I want to be.


Recent Newsletters
· Wednesday, July 01, 2015
· Monday, June 01, 2015
· Saturday, May 02, 2015
· Saturday, May 02, 2015
· Wednesday, April 08, 2015
· Tuesday, March 03, 2015
· Sunday, February 01, 2015
· Thursday, January 01, 2015
· Monday, December 01, 2014
· Monday, November 03, 2014
· Wednesday, October 01, 2014
· Monday, September 01, 2014
· Friday, August 01, 2014
· Wednesday, July 02, 2014
· Monday, June 02, 2014
· Thursday, May 01, 2014
· Monday, March 31, 2014
· Sunday, March 02, 2014
· Monday, February 03, 2014
· Monday, February 03, 2014
· Tuesday, December 31, 2013
· Thursday, December 05, 2013
· Monday, November 04, 2013
· Tuesday, October 01, 2013
· Sunday, September 01, 2013
· Thursday, August 01, 2013
· Monday, July 01, 2013
· Thursday, June 06, 2013
· Monday, May 06, 2013
· Monday, May 06, 2013
· Wednesday, April 03, 2013
· Friday, March 01, 2013
· Thursday, January 31, 2013
· Thursday, December 27, 2012
· Thursday, November 01, 2012
· Saturday, September 01, 2012
· Saturday, September 01, 2012
· Wednesday, August 01, 2012
· Sunday, July 01, 2012
· Sunday, June 03, 2012
· Friday, May 04, 2012
· Sunday, April 01, 2012
· Saturday, March 03, 2012
· Friday, February 03, 2012
· Wednesday, January 04, 2012
· Sunday, December 04, 2011
· Tuesday, November 01, 2011
· Saturday, October 08, 2011
· Friday, September 02, 2011
· Tuesday, August 02, 2011
· Thursday, June 30, 2011
· Thursday, June 30, 2011
· Tuesday, May 31, 2011
· Thursday, May 05, 2011
· Friday, April 01, 2011
· Friday, March 04, 2011
· Thursday, February 03, 2011
· Saturday, January 01, 2011
· Wednesday, December 01, 2010
· Monday, November 01, 2010
· Thursday, September 30, 2010
· Wednesday, September 01, 2010
· Sunday, August 01, 2010
· Thursday, July 01, 2010
· Tuesday, June 08, 2010
· Monday, May 03, 2010
· Saturday, April 03, 2010
· Monday, March 01, 2010
· Monday, February 01, 2010
· Thursday, January 07, 2010
· Tuesday, December 01, 2009
· Tuesday, November 03, 2009
· Monday, October 05, 2009
· Monday, August 03, 2009
· Wednesday, July 01, 2009
· Tuesday, June 02, 2009
· Thursday, April 30, 2009
· Wednesday, April 01, 2009
· Sunday, March 01, 2009
· Saturday, January 31, 2009
· Thursday, January 01, 2009
· Monday, December 01, 2008
· Thursday, November 06, 2008
· Friday, October 03, 2008
· Monday, September 01, 2008
· Saturday, August 02, 2008
· Sunday, July 06, 2008
· Tuesday, June 10, 2008
· Wednesday, May 07, 2008
· Tuesday, April 01, 2008
· Saturday, March 01, 2008
· Friday, February 01, 2008
· Tuesday, January 01, 2008
· Monday, December 03, 2007
· Saturday, November 03, 2007
· Tuesday, October 02, 2007
· Thursday, September 06, 2007
· Saturday, August 04, 2007
· Tuesday, July 03, 2007
· Tuesday, June 05, 2007
· Wednesday, May 02, 2007
· Sunday, April 01, 2007
· Saturday, March 03, 2007
· Wednesday, January 31, 2007
· Monday, January 01, 2007
· Friday, December 01, 2006
· Thursday, November 02, 2006
· Tuesday, October 03, 2006
· Wednesday, September 06, 2006
· Friday, August 04, 2006
· Friday, June 30, 2006
· Friday, June 02, 2006
· Saturday, May 06, 2006
· Friday, March 31, 2006
· Wednesday, March 01, 2006
· Thursday, February 02, 2006
· Saturday, December 31, 2005
· Thursday, December 08, 2005
· Thursday, November 03, 2005
· Tuesday, October 04, 2005
· Friday, September 02, 2005
· Friday, August 05, 2005
· Monday, August 01, 2005
· Tuesday, July 05, 2005
· Sunday, July 03, 2005
· Wednesday, June 01, 2005
· Wednesday, June 01, 2005
· Monday, April 25, 2005
· Saturday, April 23, 2005
· Sunday, April 03, 2005
· Wednesday, March 30, 2005
· Friday, March 04, 2005
· Wednesday, March 02, 2005
· Friday, January 28, 2005
· Wednesday, January 26, 2005
· Wednesday, January 05, 2005
· Tuesday, January 04, 2005
· Monday, December 06, 2004
· Sunday, December 05, 2004
· Monday, November 01, 2004
· Sunday, October 31, 2004
· Thursday, October 07, 2004
· Tuesday, October 05, 2004
· Friday, September 10, 2004
· Wednesday, September 08, 2004
· Friday, August 06, 2004
· Tuesday, August 03, 2004
· Thursday, July 08, 2004
· Thursday, July 01, 2004
· Monday, June 21, 2004
· Tuesday, June 15, 2004
· Monday, May 31, 2004
· Wednesday, May 19, 2004
· Tuesday, May 04, 2004
· Sunday, May 02, 2004
· Tuesday, April 27, 2004
· Wednesday, April 21, 2004
· Saturday, April 03, 2004
· Thursday, April 01, 2004
· Tuesday, March 30, 2004
· Tuesday, March 23, 2004
· Tuesday, March 16, 2004
· Wednesday, March 10, 2004
· Wednesday, March 03, 2004
· Tuesday, March 02, 2004
· Monday, February 23, 2004
· Tuesday, February 17, 2004
· Wednesday, February 11, 2004
· Friday, February 06, 2004
· Tuesday, February 03, 2004
· Monday, January 26, 2004
· Wednesday, January 21, 2004
· Tuesday, January 13, 2004
· Tuesday, January 06, 2004
· Friday, December 26, 2003
· Wednesday, December 10, 2003
· Wednesday, December 10, 2003
· Wednesday, December 10, 2003
· Monday, December 01, 2003
· Monday, December 01, 2003
· Monday, November 24, 2003
· Wednesday, November 19, 2003
· Wednesday, November 12, 2003
· Tuesday, November 04, 2003
· Saturday, November 01, 2003
· Tuesday, October 21, 2003
· Tuesday, October 14, 2003
· Thursday, October 09, 2003
· Saturday, October 04, 2003
· Monday, September 29, 2003
· Sunday, September 21, 2003
· Tuesday, September 16, 2003
· Tuesday, September 09, 2003
· Thursday, September 04, 2003
· Monday, September 01, 2003
· Tuesday, August 26, 2003
· Monday, August 18, 2003
· Thursday, August 07, 2003
· Friday, August 01, 2003
· Thursday, July 24, 2003
· Saturday, July 05, 2003
· Monday, June 23, 2003
· Monday, June 16, 2003
· Sunday, June 08, 2003
· Thursday, June 05, 2003
· Tuesday, June 03, 2003
· Sunday, May 25, 2003
· Sunday, May 04, 2003
· Thursday, May 01, 2003
· Wednesday, April 30, 2003
· Wednesday, April 30, 2003
· Tuesday, April 15, 2003
· Sunday, March 30, 2003
· Monday, March 24, 2003
· Monday, March 17, 2003
· Friday, March 14, 2003
· Friday, March 14, 2003



You can also search authors by alphabetical listing: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z


Featured Authors | New to AuthorsDen? | Add AuthorsDen to your Site
Share AD with your friends | Need Help? | About us


Problem with this page?   Report it to AuthorsDen

© AuthorsDen, Inc. All rights reserved.