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Newsletter Dated: 10/4/2003 5:40:12 PM
Subject: Happiness Tips From Tina - Motivation and How to Create It
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Happiness Tip: Motivation and How to Create It
Do have trouble getting motivated? Perhaps you feel you are not being motivated enough on the job, or not sticking to your diet, not getting your work done, not able to quit smoking, or not following through on your goals and decisions. If you would like to achieve both positive and negative motivations — to be energized enough to accomplish things, or to stop undesirable behaviors, read on.
Most people try to motivate themselves with negative internal messages:“You’ll be fat and ugly if you don’t exercise.” or “You better read the research or you’ll mess up the presentation.” or “No loves a smoker.” Bribing or persuading yourself works for a while, but fails sooner or later. Or you find someone else – a motivational group, hypnosis, a parent or parent substitute -- who will insist that you have to behave. But none of that works very well, does it?
Sooner or later, overpowering yourself with internal criticism or external coercion makes you feel oppressed and rebellious, and leads to paralysis and procrastination. Motivation is really self-management, and it grows out of celebration and appreciation. It’s easy to remember in equation form: celebration + appreciation = motivation
Appreciating what you’ve already accomplished, and celebrating your previous successes, will naturally motivate you to accomplish more. No struggle, no hassle -- you accomplish out of the pure joy of success! There are two basic styles of self-management: The “bad boss” and the “good boss”.
The Bad Boss
* Operates through intimidation and criticism.
* Always complains; never praises (silence means you’re doing okay).
* Gets nasty if you make a mistake.
* Humiliates you in front of others.
* Never thinks you’ve done enough.
* Assumes you are lazy and dishonest.
* Changes the rules arbitrarily.
* Is never satisfied of pleased.
The Good Boss
* Is generous with praise.
* Lets you know when you’re doing well.
* Helps you correct mistakes.
* Cares about your well-being as well as your productivity.
* Assumes you want to do a good job.
* Helps you feel like part of the team.
* Treats you as a valued human being.
* Is clear about his expectations.
Both of these bosses have the same goal: to get the job done – which one do you think gets more out of his employees? Working for the bad boss, you’d feel tension and anger, work only to keep the boss off your back and goof off whenever possible. When you’re stressed and resentful, you’re not efficient, you’re not enthused, and you dread the work.
Working for the good boss. You’d care about your productivity and your job; take pride in your accomplishments; be eager to learn; accomplish more, and feel cooperative, gratified and appreciated. You’d would feel enthusiastic and motivated, looking forward to work each day.
Which boss would you rather work for? Which would you rather be to yourself?
Your Own Boss
If you choose to be a good boss to yourself, you’ll be kind, understanding, generous with praise and gentle with corrections. You’ll learn to use the two “magic motivators”: celebration and appreciation. As a result, you’ll accomplish your goals with a sense of pride and achievement, and a great deal of pleasure. You will feel motivated, and wonder why you never realized how easy it was.
A good boss gets information about how to run things, gets educated, goes for help when necessary, but remains in charge. Information is there for your use, but no outside expert can know what is right for you. As your own internal boss, you can sort through the facts wisely and judiciously, reject what does not suit your style, personality or goals; and use the rest to further and celebrate your accomplishments.
Whenever you find your motivation flagging, look around for how you are doing at being your boss. Are you using a motivational, supportive style? Have you let someone else take over your authority? Is there some appreciation you need?
Take a few minutes with yourself every day just for appreciation. It’s easy, fun, and very effective. Imagine living every day energized and motivated!!
[adapted from “The 10 Smartest Decisions a Woman Can Make Before 40", HCI, Deerfield each, (1998) ]© 2003 Tina B. Tessina
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It Ends With You
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The Real 13th Step
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Wishing you joy,
Tina B. Tessina, PhD
Really good stuff, great advice!
i think making new friends will bring the world at your doorstep, know about other peoples background, culture and so on
[Re: It Ends With You]
I love what I've read here, and wish that Dr. Tessina had been around when I first sought help, and when I had the idiotic impression that I could CHANGE my dysfunctional family of origin. I have no children myself, but I saw my nieces being brought up in the same dysfunctional environment. Now a nephew is involved as well. While trying to help, I was branded "mentally ill" by my mother for my trouble. My family (parents especially) are scared to death of change, and accuse me of accusing THEM for "ruining" me! I'm not ruined, but I'm not happy either. Bless you, Dr. Tessina. I pray your work helps many people and their families!
Thank you. Continue on your path of growth, and happiness will come.
Visit Tina B Tessina at: http://www.authorsden.com/tinabtessina