AuthorsDen.com  Join | Login 

     Popular! Books, Stories, Articles, Poetry
Where Authors and Readers come together!

Signed Bookstore | Authors | eBooks | Books | Stories | Articles | Poetry | Blogs | News | Events | Reviews | Videos | Success | Gold Members | Testimonials

Featured Authors: Michael Thal, iSky Purington, iKathryn Perry, iGracie McKeever, iChristina Neely, iBlue Sleighty, iMichael Csizmadia, i
  Home > Tina B Tessina > Newsletter  

Tina B Tessina

· Become a Fan
· Contact me
· Success story
· Books
· Articles
· Poetry
· Blog
· Messages
· 488 Titles
· 257 Reviews
· Share with Friends!
·
Member Since: Mar, 2001

   newsletter

Subscribe to the Tina B Tessina Newsletter. Enter your name and email below and click "sign me up!"
Name:
Email:
Tina B Tessina, click here to update your pages on AuthorsDen.






Hello, and welcome to the "Happiness Tips" newsletter. In addition to a helpful tip for increasing your happiness, you can find out where I'll be signing books, and how to contact me, along with "Happiness Tips from Tina" in every month's newsletter. Please remember to add tina.tinatessina.com to your "acceptable" list, especially if you're on AOL.
Newsletter Dated: 6/30/2006 12:35:51 AM

Subject: Happiness Tips From Tina: Stupid Cupid

Dear Friends:

Welcome to our new subscribers, I love hearing from all of you, and I've printed your e-mail responses at the bottom of this newsletter. I welcome all suggestions for topics. To make sure your spam system doesn’t reject this newsletter, please add tinatessina@Compuserve.com to your list of acceptable e-mail. To unsubscribe, see below.
Happiness Tip: Stupid Cupid

My husband and I were blessed to be present as our stepson married his lovely bride in June, and we’re now traveling in Thailand to visit her family. Mitch and Jackie didn’t rush into this relationship, and from the perspective of our twenty four years of married bliss, Richard and I think they are doing all the right things, and have a great chance to create a lasting, loving relationship. Congratulations, Mitch and Jackie!

In my counseling practice, however, I see lots of couples who don’t make it, for various reasons.
Cupid, the god who represented love to the ancient Romans, was blind. In mythology, he’s been represented as a cherub, a perpetual baby, (which means someone without wisdom or judgement) who flies around zapping people with his arrows, throwing them helplessly into infatuation with whomever they happen to be with when the arrow strikes. This is a great metaphor for the sensation of “falling in love” instantly, otherwise known as limerance, lust, or “blind love.” Unfortunately, lust doesn’t last, and love isn’t blind forever. I thought, in honor of Mitch and Jackie’s solid beginning, I’d outline some basic ideas to help others begin their relationships on the right foot.

Because I see so much of the damage caused by people blindly connecting, rushing through the stages of commitment, and not creating the solid basis a true relationship needs, I always welcome the chance to do pre-commitment counseling. My job is to ask the tough questions that, in the excitement of a new romance, the couple may not have considered. Here are several questions every couple should consider before moving in together or making joint financial commitments:

1. What is your definition of commitment?
Whether you know it or not, you and your partner will define your relationship. If you don't know what your relationship means to both the of you, you risk repeating past mistakes, getting stuck in uncomfortable roles, or fighting about what a healthy relationship is. Talk about what you mean by words such as relationship, commitment, love, and faithfulness. You'll be amazed by what you learn.


2. Have you discussed finances?
Next to sex, money is the biggest generator of problems, arguments, and resentment in long-term relationships. Couples tend to assume that money should be pooled, but it usually isn't that easy. A disparity in income can mean struggling about who pays for what, or whose income determines your lifestyle. Different financial habits (one likes to save, the other spends more, or doesn't keep track) can become a source of argument. For many couples, separating your money makes things run smoother; you don't wind up struggling for control. You can split expenses evenly, or work out a percentage share if your incomes are different.

3. What about household responsibilities?
If you're not yet living together, take a tour of each other's homes. Drastically different decorating styles, neatness, and organization levels can become sources of argument, and so can housekeeping and chores. If you have different tastes, it may require a lot of creativity and negotiation to decorate a joint home in a way that makes both of you comfortable.
Additionally, think hard before moving into your partner's established home. You may have trouble feeling as if you "belong" in a home that was previously established by your partner, unless you participate together in reorganizing and redecorating it.

4. How close are you to family or friends?
If one of you has a lot of family or friends, and the other does not, find out what those relationships mean. Where will you spend holidays? If there are family members who have problems, such as addiction or mental illness, how much will that impact your relationship?

5. How do you handle anger and other emotions? We all get upset from time to time. If you are usually good at diffusing each other's anger, and being supportive through times of grief or pain, your emotional bond will deepen as time goes on. If your tendency is to react to each other and make the situation more volatile and destructive, you need to correct that problem before you live together.

6. How do you show love to each other?
Sharing what actions and words mean love to you may be surprising. Even if it's a struggle, discussing how you give and receive love will improve your relationship. You will understand what makes each of you feel loved, and how to express your love effectively.

7. How well did you discuss these very questions?
Asking yourselves these questions are excellent tests of your ability to define and work out problems. Constructive discussion that leads to a mutually satisfactory solution means you know how to solve problems in your relationship. If not, get counseling before going further.


Staying together

The skills couples need to keep intimacy alive in a long-term relationship differ from new relationship intimacy skills, and they're not easy to learn, because people don't talk about them. Basically, couples need to lower their expectations of romance and glamour and raise the level of fun they have together. Regular weekly talks (I call them State of the Union discussions) keep the problems minor, the resentment level down,and the communication open, so that there is time and space for intimacy. In a successful, long term relationship, passion becomes a shared sense of humor and goodwill toward each other. I spend every day teaching couples how to do these things.

Generally speaking, men value competency and problem solving. Women value intimacy and emotional connection. The truth is that learning successful problem solving ends fighting and power struggles, and therefore leads to more intimacy. You may think he's focused entirely on time, power or money, but what he's really trying to do is create enough security that he can feel safe to let his guard down.

Intimacy is the art of making your partner feel understood and accepted. When this feeling is created, barriers fall. Gentle touch, eye contact a gentle sense of humor and the right words all create the atmosphere. Positive comments on your partner's looks or the day's activities positively will also help. Couples disconnect when they don't feel interested in each other any more. To reconnect, make an effort to listen and understand each others’ needs and wants. The most powerful thing you can do to keep a marriage strong is form a partnership, a team, where both parties feel respected, cared about and needed. If you really want to restore the marriage, begin not by complaining, but by seeking to understand your partner. Once the connection is there, you can begin to work out the issues.

One simple way to enhance your relationship is to create a relationship journal. The time investment is small, and the return is huge.

Every couple can benefit from creating a “Relationship Journal” It will become a positive reinforcement for your entire partnership. If you know what a “baby book” is like, this is a similar keepsake. Get a large, expandable scrapbook, carefully choosing the cover to reflect your mutual dreams. Begin the scrapbook with a few (no more than 4 or 5) highlights from your wedding. Choose only the most memorable moments. You already have your wedding album and video, plus honeymoon pictures to remember the details. Your Journal is for the most significant moments of your life together. Collect a few pictures (the bed in your hotel room?) and mementos of your wedding and honeymoon. Add a few notes about the most romantic moments. Throughout your life together, you can continue to add significant moments to your Journal. Paste in an anniversary card, two or three pictures of each vacation, a picture of your new home, each baby or new pet when it arrives, mementos of career achievements, children's artwork, and love notes to each other. Whenever you need encouragement, you can pull this book out and look at it together. Not only will it make each occasion memorable, but each new page will remind you of all the important milestones you have shared together. As this book grows, it will become one of your most precious possessions, a tangible expression of the power and joy in your marriage. (© 2006 Tina B. Tessina Adapted from the Unofficial Guide to Dating Again )

If you want more, here are some related articles you can download from my website at http://tinatessina.com/monthly_column.html

HAPPINESS TIPS FROM TINA

Aspects of Love
Dating Guidelines for Single Parents
Handling The Green-Eyed Monster
How to Keep Yourself Out of a Violent Relationship
It’s a Dirty Job
Learn to See Through The Eyes of Love
Mirrors and Teachers
State of the Union Meeting
Where is Love?
Appearances Calendar
upcoming radio shows, TV, and lectures are all posted on my website at www.tinatessina.com

Online
You can find me on the Internet, as the "Dating Doctor" on www.couplescompany.com, "Dr. Romance" on Yahoo!Personals at http://personals.yahoo.com/us/static/content_date (Look for my predictions for romance for 2006!), a designated Expert for Redbook Love Network and I'll also answer your questions at http://www.tinatessina.com.

Through my website, you can get CE credits online based on my books: It Ends With You; How to Be a Couple and Still Be Free and The Real 13th Step To sign up for classes or browse my books, visit www.tinatessina.com.

I welcome your feedback and support, please contact me at tina@tinatessina.com.
Wishing you joy,
Tina B. Tessina, PhD
www.tinatessina.com

MAILBOX

Re: Power of Purpose
thanks for the happiness tips-something we all can use on a regular basis!
-diane

You’re very welcome, Diane. Thanks for writing.

Wonderful article to begin the day.
T.R.C.

Thanks, TRC. I’m so glad you liked it.

Enjoyed the quotes used to make your points and the invitation to surrender is a welcome meditation to take with me. Very uplifting and deeply enjoyed.
JoAnne

Many thanks, JoAnne.

Wonderful words of wisdom...
Xxx dove

Thank you, Dove.

Hello Tina and thank you, I loved your article on the power of purpose.
Ellen


Thanks, Ellen, I’m glad you liked it.

Recent Newsletters
· Saturday, May 02, 2015
· Saturday, May 02, 2015
· Wednesday, April 08, 2015
· Tuesday, March 03, 2015
· Sunday, February 01, 2015
· Thursday, January 01, 2015
· Monday, December 01, 2014
· Monday, November 03, 2014
· Wednesday, October 01, 2014
· Monday, September 01, 2014
· Friday, August 01, 2014
· Wednesday, July 02, 2014
· Monday, June 02, 2014
· Thursday, May 01, 2014
· Monday, March 31, 2014
· Sunday, March 02, 2014
· Monday, February 03, 2014
· Monday, February 03, 2014
· Tuesday, December 31, 2013
· Thursday, December 05, 2013
· Monday, November 04, 2013
· Tuesday, October 01, 2013
· Sunday, September 01, 2013
· Thursday, August 01, 2013
· Monday, July 01, 2013
· Thursday, June 06, 2013
· Monday, May 06, 2013
· Monday, May 06, 2013
· Wednesday, April 03, 2013
· Friday, March 01, 2013
· Thursday, January 31, 2013
· Thursday, December 27, 2012
· Thursday, November 01, 2012
· Saturday, September 01, 2012
· Saturday, September 01, 2012
· Wednesday, August 01, 2012
· Sunday, July 01, 2012
· Sunday, June 03, 2012
· Friday, May 04, 2012
· Sunday, April 01, 2012
· Saturday, March 03, 2012
· Friday, February 03, 2012
· Wednesday, January 04, 2012
· Sunday, December 04, 2011
· Tuesday, November 01, 2011
· Saturday, October 08, 2011
· Friday, September 02, 2011
· Tuesday, August 02, 2011
· Thursday, June 30, 2011
· Thursday, June 30, 2011
· Tuesday, May 31, 2011
· Thursday, May 05, 2011
· Friday, April 01, 2011
· Friday, March 04, 2011
· Thursday, February 03, 2011
· Saturday, January 01, 2011
· Wednesday, December 01, 2010
· Monday, November 01, 2010
· Thursday, September 30, 2010
· Wednesday, September 01, 2010
· Sunday, August 01, 2010
· Thursday, July 01, 2010
· Tuesday, June 08, 2010
· Monday, May 03, 2010
· Saturday, April 03, 2010
· Monday, March 01, 2010
· Monday, February 01, 2010
· Thursday, January 07, 2010
· Tuesday, December 01, 2009
· Tuesday, November 03, 2009
· Monday, October 05, 2009
· Monday, August 03, 2009
· Wednesday, July 01, 2009
· Tuesday, June 02, 2009
· Thursday, April 30, 2009
· Wednesday, April 01, 2009
· Sunday, March 01, 2009
· Saturday, January 31, 2009
· Thursday, January 01, 2009
· Monday, December 01, 2008
· Thursday, November 06, 2008
· Friday, October 03, 2008
· Monday, September 01, 2008
· Saturday, August 02, 2008
· Sunday, July 06, 2008
· Tuesday, June 10, 2008
· Wednesday, May 07, 2008
· Tuesday, April 01, 2008
· Saturday, March 01, 2008
· Friday, February 01, 2008
· Tuesday, January 01, 2008
· Monday, December 03, 2007
· Saturday, November 03, 2007
· Tuesday, October 02, 2007
· Thursday, September 06, 2007
· Saturday, August 04, 2007
· Tuesday, July 03, 2007
· Tuesday, June 05, 2007
· Wednesday, May 02, 2007
· Sunday, April 01, 2007
· Saturday, March 03, 2007
· Wednesday, January 31, 2007
· Monday, January 01, 2007
· Friday, December 01, 2006
· Thursday, November 02, 2006
· Tuesday, October 03, 2006
· Wednesday, September 06, 2006
· Friday, August 04, 2006
· Friday, June 30, 2006
· Friday, June 02, 2006
· Saturday, May 06, 2006
· Friday, March 31, 2006
· Wednesday, March 01, 2006
· Thursday, February 02, 2006
· Saturday, December 31, 2005
· Thursday, December 08, 2005
· Thursday, November 03, 2005
· Tuesday, October 04, 2005
· Friday, September 02, 2005
· Friday, August 05, 2005
· Monday, August 01, 2005
· Tuesday, July 05, 2005
· Sunday, July 03, 2005
· Wednesday, June 01, 2005
· Wednesday, June 01, 2005
· Monday, April 25, 2005
· Saturday, April 23, 2005
· Sunday, April 03, 2005
· Wednesday, March 30, 2005
· Friday, March 04, 2005
· Wednesday, March 02, 2005
· Friday, January 28, 2005
· Wednesday, January 26, 2005
· Wednesday, January 05, 2005
· Tuesday, January 04, 2005
· Monday, December 06, 2004
· Sunday, December 05, 2004
· Monday, November 01, 2004
· Sunday, October 31, 2004
· Thursday, October 07, 2004
· Tuesday, October 05, 2004
· Friday, September 10, 2004
· Wednesday, September 08, 2004
· Friday, August 06, 2004
· Tuesday, August 03, 2004
· Thursday, July 08, 2004
· Thursday, July 01, 2004
· Monday, June 21, 2004
· Tuesday, June 15, 2004
· Monday, May 31, 2004
· Wednesday, May 19, 2004
· Tuesday, May 04, 2004
· Sunday, May 02, 2004
· Tuesday, April 27, 2004
· Wednesday, April 21, 2004
· Saturday, April 03, 2004
· Thursday, April 01, 2004
· Tuesday, March 30, 2004
· Tuesday, March 23, 2004
· Tuesday, March 16, 2004
· Wednesday, March 10, 2004
· Wednesday, March 03, 2004
· Tuesday, March 02, 2004
· Monday, February 23, 2004
· Tuesday, February 17, 2004
· Wednesday, February 11, 2004
· Friday, February 06, 2004
· Tuesday, February 03, 2004
· Monday, January 26, 2004
· Wednesday, January 21, 2004
· Tuesday, January 13, 2004
· Tuesday, January 06, 2004
· Friday, December 26, 2003
· Wednesday, December 10, 2003
· Wednesday, December 10, 2003
· Wednesday, December 10, 2003
· Monday, December 01, 2003
· Monday, December 01, 2003
· Monday, November 24, 2003
· Wednesday, November 19, 2003
· Wednesday, November 12, 2003
· Tuesday, November 04, 2003
· Saturday, November 01, 2003
· Tuesday, October 21, 2003
· Tuesday, October 14, 2003
· Thursday, October 09, 2003
· Saturday, October 04, 2003
· Monday, September 29, 2003
· Sunday, September 21, 2003
· Tuesday, September 16, 2003
· Tuesday, September 09, 2003
· Thursday, September 04, 2003
· Monday, September 01, 2003
· Tuesday, August 26, 2003
· Monday, August 18, 2003
· Thursday, August 07, 2003
· Friday, August 01, 2003
· Thursday, July 24, 2003
· Saturday, July 05, 2003
· Monday, June 23, 2003
· Monday, June 16, 2003
· Sunday, June 08, 2003
· Thursday, June 05, 2003
· Tuesday, June 03, 2003
· Sunday, May 25, 2003
· Sunday, May 04, 2003
· Thursday, May 01, 2003
· Wednesday, April 30, 2003
· Wednesday, April 30, 2003
· Tuesday, April 15, 2003
· Sunday, March 30, 2003
· Monday, March 24, 2003
· Monday, March 17, 2003
· Friday, March 14, 2003
· Friday, March 14, 2003

You can also search authors by alphabetical listing: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z



Featured Authors | New to AuthorsDen? | Add AuthorsDen to your Site
Share AD with your friends | Need Help? | About us


Problem with this page?   Report it to AuthorsDen

© AuthorsDen, Inc. All rights reserved.