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Tina B Tessina

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Books by Tina B Tessina
Hello, and welcome to the "Happiness Tips" newsletter. In addition to a helpful tip for increasing your happiness, you can find out where I'll be signing books, and how to contact me, along with "Happiness Tips from Tina" in every month's newsletter. Please remember to add tina.tinatessina.com to your "acceptable" list, especially if you're on AOL.
Newsletter Dated: 11/6/2008 5:34:26 PM

Subject: Happiness Tips from Tina: Your Job on Earth

Dear Friends:

Welcome to our new subscribers, I love hearing from all of you, and I've printed your e-mail responses at the bottom of this newsletter. I welcome all suggestions for topics. To make sure your spam system doesnít reject this newsletter, please add tina@tinatessina.com to your list of acceptable e-mail. To unsubscribe just click the link at the bottom. Back issues are athttp://www.tinatessina.com/monthly_column.html

Happiness Tip: Your Job on Earth
In Peace, Love and Healing, Dr. Bernie Siegel says: "Whatever your age, if you learn to listen, your inner voice will speak to you about your path... your Ďjob on earth.í This wisdom that is directing you from within is your birthright... an inner message, an inner awareness, that says, ĎThis is your path, this is how you can be the best human being possible.í If you follow it, you will achieve your full growth and full potential as a human being before you let go of the Tree of Life..."

I know Dr. Bernie is right, because I see the power of the inner voice daily in my clients, in my friends, and in my own life. But, how does a seeker access that voice, that wisdom, and get one's feet started on the path?

It's easy for any of us to get discouraged when we become aware of the suffering throughout the world: racial prejudice; addiction and self-destruction; political oppression in its many forms (starvation, war, torture, misinformation, imprisonment, denial of rights of speech, health and human dignity, and just plain bigotry and nastiness). My own reaction, years ago, was despair. "I can't stand it! So much suffering! So many issues! There's nothing significant I can do."
Gradually, with the help of wiser people, I came to realize that I wasn't supposed to do it ALL. I just needed to do a part. But what part? Through the next couple of years, I began to learn about my inner wisdom, my unique birthright, my own peculiarities and talents.

Since each of us is unique, with different genetic mixes, different fingerprints, different gifts and personalities, let's suppose that there must be a reason for our uniqueness; a Plan. Included in the Plan is a special place for each of us, and we have been designed, by a Super Intelligence, for a special task within the Plan. Supposing that Plan exists, what is your part in it? What were you designed to do? What's your "job on earth"?

If you feel confused or overwhelmed by life, or if your life seems to have no meaning, no important reason for your existence, spend some time pondering the Plan. Try reading God's mind a little: Imagine -- If you were God, and you had created the human being that is you, what would you have created that person for? It's an interesting puzzle, and the clues are in your unique characteristics. Are you a good listener? Then maybe counseling is your intended "job". Are you a mathematical whiz? A musician? An artist? Can you make people laugh? All of these talents can be used in unique ways to make the world a little better. For example, if you like to make people laugh, and you enjoy elderly people, perhaps entertaining, volunteering, or working in a senior citizen's center is your special place. Or if you are a survivor of abuse or illness, perhaps your life work lies in helping others survive.

Like me, many others have found it useful to ponder solve this riddle. The clues and hints are subtle, but they exist. The secret to your life's purpose is hidden in your heart's desire. Discover that, and you discover meaning, joy and purpose. There is a Plan, and you fit within it. No one has been omitted, every small link fits. As you discover your secret mission, and join the rhythm of the Intelligent Plan, life begins to run itself, doubt fades, and joy becomes a more frequent companion. Try listening to your heart, and to the obvious things about you, and you'll find it works.


"I give you something, you know not what, enrich it, you know not how, bring it back, you know not when. And remember, I shall be watching you." Said the Sun to the newborn child.
-P.L. Travers

Thus begins the adventure of finding your "job on Earth".

As Marsha Sinetar says, in Ordinary People as Monks and Mystics: " To find in ourselves what makes life worth living is risky business, for it means that once we know it we must seek it. It also means that without it life will be valueless."

Did you know that problems with compulsive eating, substance abuse, destructive addictive relationships, and obsessive behavior are most often misguided attempts to satisfy the heart's desire?

We are such amazing miracles of creation. Within each of us is a driving force, that will NOT give up and go away. We can attempt to drown it out with loud, raucous living, to anesthetize it with food, drink or drugs, to avoid it through some zealotry or other, to ignore it by working obsessively, to be too overwhelmed drama and agony to notice it; but as soon as the unavoidable quiet moment happens, there it is, urging us on. Often, people misread this uncomfortable inner restlessness and call it "fear" or "loneliness", but it is only the call of the heart. Until we acknowledge it, it will not allow us to be at peace. Believe it or not, our hearts are filled with purpose and meaning, and will constantly press us to discover our true desire and act upon it.

A spectrum is a wide range of something, like the colors light creates when beamed through a prism. A rainbow. My rainbow, the one I want to share with all of you, is the warrior rainbow. It's the wide range of people who are willing to face their own fear and anger, to brave the terrors of the inner deep, to challenge the naysayers and the criticizers, because they know how important it is to be who they really are. It's a broad spectrum of people, all colors, orientations, beliefs and experiences.

Nothing elaborate is required to take your place in the warrior rainbow. Just the courage to be you -- to face your fears, to believe in yourself, to be willing to fight where you can (remember, a rainbow warrior always takes prudent risks -- self-sacrifice is not encouraged.)
I find that many people who come to me for counseling are "autophobic" -- afraid of themselves. They are afraid of feeling emotion, afraid of being forced to be alone with themselves, afraid to find out what is actually inside them. It actually comes down to fearing the power within. We can run very fast, but we canít escape who we are.

The philosopher Joseph Campbell says: "If the person insists on a certain program, and doesn't listen to the demands of his own heart, he's going to risk a schizophrenic crackup. Such a person has put himself off center. He has aligned himself with a program for life, and it's not the one the body's interested in at all. The world is full of people who have stopped listening to themselves or have listened only to their neighbors to learn what they ought to do, how they ought to behave, and what the values are that they should be living for...my analysis of the human situation is that we would rather feel alive than be alive. Sometimes it kills you, to feel so alive out there on a battlefield somewhere, or in a corporate environment where it's quite clear that you're heading for a heart attack, and you don't change your course because you are living in that stream of energy and aliveness. You wind up bargaining your life away for it."

Reading through the wisdom of the ages, I have come across this advice time and time again. The greatest minds in the history of humankind insist that the costs of denying your heart's desire are far greater than anything that could happen by following it. When my clients overcome their reluctance to know who they are, they release an inner power that transforms their lives. I have seen the beauty of these changes over and over again.

What better time to become a rainbow warrior than in this year that marks the beginning of the last decade of the millenium? Here's Dr. Campbell's advice about how to begin: "You must have a room, or a certain hour or so a day, where you don't know what was in the newspapers that morning, you don't know who your friends are, you don't know what you owe anybody, you don't know what anybody owes to you. This is a place where you can simply experience and bring forth what you are and what you might be. This is the place of creative incubation. At first, you may find that nothing happens there. But if you have a sacred place and use it, something eventually will happen... Where is your bliss station? You have to try to find it. Get a phonograph and put on the music that you really love, even if it's corny music that nobody else respects. Or get the book you like to read. In your sacred place you get the "thou" feeling of life ...for the whole world. I even have a superstition that has grown on me as a result...that if you do follow your bliss you put yourself on a kind of track that has been there all the while, waiting for you, and the life that you ought to be living is the one you are living. When you can see that, you begin to meet people who are in the field of your bliss, and they open the doors to you. I say, follow your bliss and don't be afraid, and doors will open where you didn't know they were going to be."

I invite you to get acquainted with your heart's desire, so you can follow your bliss. Join me in a resolution to surrender, to slow down and find out what is inside, straining to get out, longing to make contact with you. Make a "sacred space" for yourself, and spend a little time in it, at first reading or listening to music, and little by little listening to your heart. Perhaps it will change your life, as it has so many others. Try reading my friend and colleague Sam Greengardís book Finding the Work You Love at http://search.barnesandnoble.com/Finding-the-Work-You-Love/Samuel-Greengard/e/9781402752407(adapted from: It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction (New Page) © Tina B.Tessina, 2008)

If you want more, here are some related articles you can download from my website at http://tinatessina.com/monthly_column.html

Anticipating Change
Asking for What you Want
Attitude: From Negative to Gratitude
The Colors of You
The Family of the Heart
Getting Out of Your Way
Giving Thanks
How to Stretch Time
Into Every Life
Intuition or Inner Knowing
Itís a Dirty Job
Learning Forgiveness
Life Lessons
The Meaning of Life
Mirrors and Teachers
Motivation And How to Create It (Good Boss/Bad Boss)
No Two Miracles Alike
Patterns of Change
The Power of Purpose
Response-Ability
These Decisions Can Increase Your Happiness
True Beauty: Honor the God or Goddess in You
Weaving The Web
Winning The War Within
Without Ego
Year of Peace
You Are a Gift
Your Heartís Desire

Appearances Calendar
New! Follow me www.twitter.com/tinatessina
Please look for my newest book: The Commuter Marriage: Keep Your Relationship Close While You're Far Apart (Adams Media, June 2008) ISBN # 1-59869-432-4
The Dr. Romance blog: http://drromance.typepad.com/dr_romance_blog/
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=654038567
LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/tinatessina
You can find me on the Internet as "Dr. Romance" on Yahoo!Personals at http://personals.yahoo.com/us/static/content_date;
Divorce360.com: http://www.divorce360.com/articles-by-tina-tessina/128.aspx
Iím a designated Expert for Redbook Love Network
I'll also answer your questions at http://www.tinatessina.com

Upcoming radio shows, TV, and lectures are all posted on my website at http://www.tinatessina.com and at http://www.booktour.com/author/tina_b_tessina
I welcome your feedback and support, please contact me at tina@tinatessina.com.

Wishing you joy,
Tina B. Tessina, PhD
www.tinatessina.com

MAILBOX
Re: Apology and Forgiveness

Dear Tina, Sometimes I think you can read my mind. I was debating whether to write to you because I wasn't sure what to do. This piece (which tells me I need to go back and reread Money, Sex and Kids) was exactly what I needed to see. You're the best! Love, -Gracie

Thanks, Gracie! Iím glad to know it helped.


TINA; YOU'RE AMAZING. Keep your timely emails coming. THANKS, Joe

Thank you, Joe. As long as you keep letting me know you like them, theyíll keep coming.

Sounds like good common sense...but oftentimes, in situations, we don't use it! Thanks for sharing this excerpt... Glenda

Another interesting newsletter. I enjoy reading them all. Still learning. M.
Thanks, M: Iím glad you enjoy them.

Dear Tina, I particularly appreciate the following paragraph in your last newsletter. In my clinical experience, I've encountered many clients who are afraid to admit they're wrong. This comes from a culture of blaming and accusing-where one's early family may have picked a "culprit" when something went wrong, and focused on blame, rather than on fixing the problem and healing the hurt. People with such experiences approach every situation as is they're on trial, and they compulsively try to convince everyone they're not guilty. They have no patterns to follow for apology and forgiveness. Certainly this applies to relationships with family and friends, but I also see this as having great applicability to people relating in the workplace.
Thanks for your continuing good insights. Ken
And thank you for your insight, Ken.

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