AuthorsDen.com  Join Free! | Login 

     Popular! Books, Stories, Articles, Poetry
Where Authors and Readers come together!

Signed Bookstore | Authors | eBooks | Books | Stories | Articles | Poetry | Blogs | News | Events | Reviews | Videos | Success | Gold Members | Testimonials

Featured Authors: Helen Vandepeer, iTodd Cheney, iBino Pires, iVaughn Aiken, iBettye Johnson, iMichael Charles Messineo, iDenise Richardson, i
  Home > Tina B Tessina > Newsletter  

Tina B Tessina

· Become a Fan
· Contact me
· Success story
· Books
· Articles
· Poetry
· Blog
· Messages
· 490 Titles
· 258 Reviews
· Share with Friends!
·
Member Since: Mar, 2001

   newsletter

Subscribe to the Tina B Tessina Newsletter. Enter your name and email below and click "sign me up!"
Name:
Email:
Tina B Tessina, click here to update your pages on AuthorsDen.






Hello, and welcome to the "Happiness Tips" newsletter. In addition to a helpful tip for increasing your happiness, you can find out where I'll be signing books, and how to contact me, along with "Happiness Tips from Tina" in every month's newsletter. Please remember to add tina.tinatessina.com to your "acceptable" list, especially if you're on AOL.
Newsletter Dated: 8/3/2009 8:12:26 PM

Subject: Happiness Tips from Tina: Peace Begins at Home


Dear Friends:

Welcome to our new subscribers, I love hearing from all of you, and I've printed your e-mail responses at the bottom of this newsletter. I welcome all suggestions for topics. To make sure your spam system doesn’t reject this newsletter, please add tina@tinatessina.com to your list of acceptable e-mail. I am not able to fill out forms online because you’re screening for spam. To unsubscribe, see below.

Remember if you don’t want the newsletter, just click the link at the bottom, and you’ll be instantly unsubscribed. If you missed the newsletter last month, the article is on my website at http://www.tinatessina.com/primary.html

Happiness Tip: Peace Begins at Home

There is so much unrest in the world today: we are still in two wars, terrorism seems to be endemic worldwide, and domestic violence still dominates the news. We still need to heed the old bumper sticker: TEACH PEACE. The more current one on my car says “Peace is Patriotic.”

While it’s easy to talk about, teaching peace isn’t so easy to do. The prerequisite is learning to wage peace in our own lives. “We teach best what we most need to learn,” writes Richard Bach in Illusions. That’s because we are subconsciously focused on what gives us trouble; and motivated to learn about it. For example, if lack of peace – anxiety, rage, addiction or relationship hassles – is a problem, your life will constantly face you with the need to learn to be more calm. Anyone who does not meet your expectations can trigger agitation of one sort or another, and internal agitation evokes a negative reaction.

In my counseling office, I’m constantly reminded of how hard it seems to be for most people to sustain peacefulness – what the twelve-step (AA) programs call “serenity.” We are all easily bumped off- center. I also see how powerful it is to maintain a peaceful (or serene) emotional climate in the middle of an upsetting circumstance. The calmest person is also the most clear-thinking, and therefore can control what’s happening. People in high-pressure situations, such as medical and military personnel, police, firefighters, and rescue workers are trained in maintaining a calm demeanor. It makes them more effective.

Internal peace is the key to keeping all relationships on track. In my life, I’ve found that keeping my inner balance not only prevents me from making things worse in bad situations, it also influences others to be calmer.

Every day I am reminded of the importance of inner peace, a peaceful relationship with myself, and keeping peace in my private universe. Without this inner serenity, I am not very powerful to create peace in my surrounding environment. I find that whenever I’m agitated, especially when the turmoil seems to be caused by an event or another person, the effective solution begins with establishing peace within myself. Here is the idea I use to help myself and my clients do that:

I have my own sphere of influence, my own private “universe” which I can picture as a invisible, protective membrane surrounding me; rather like the invisible glass box mimes often create around themselves. All other people and events are outside this boundary, but visible and accessible through it. I can “send messages” in the form of words and deeds, subtle body movements and facial expressions, through the boundary, and other people can send theirs in to me. I have little control over what people choose to send toward me, and total control over what I choose to send out. However, I do have control over how I receive what other people choose to send me.

For example, if my husband, Richard sends out some crabbiness, I have very little control over what he says or does. Perhaps he’s annoyed about something that happened in his business, or concerned about someone he cares about, and he feels safe letting his frustration out around me. There is little to be gained from trying to read his mind, or change his attitude. However, if I remember that I am the Highest Power in my own sphere, I have many options.

*I can choose to believe that his crabbiness is something I deserve, and feel hurt.
*I can choose to believe that he sent it because he’s a bad person, and shut down my love for him.
*I can choose to believe that he sent it because of a separate event in his private world, and check to see what’s happening with him, and if I can help.
*I can choose to care for myself, and put some distance between us, until things calm down.
*I can just react without thinking, and not make any choices at all.

Through experience, I soon learn which options give me the results I want. Once I know that, I can choose to repeat successful options at will. Richard has, and often uses, the same options.

The operative word here is choice. As long as I know my response to stimulus is a choice, I can create peace. Once I decide that the atmosphere I most want in my own world is one of peace, then I create the power to insure that.

The question I need to answer is: “What is peace to me?” It is easy, given our social environment, to think that creating peace with others means waging war with myself. For example, I can believe that, to create peace with Richard, I need to deny my own wants and feelings. That sets up an internal fight, which inevitably surfaces externally. Sooner or later I will get angry enough at the (self-imposed) limits to want to get even with him. Or, I will further increase my stress to keep the “peace” and begin to create illness.

Experience has taught me that the only peace that can be safely sustained is peace that begins at home – within the boundaries of my own inner self. Once I have created peace within myself by listening to all sides of the internal struggle, and acknowledging my right to feel all those ways at once, and finding a solution that calms me down, I know what I need to do with the situation that upset me. Then, I’m secure enough to begin to negotiate with who- or whatever my struggle was about. Peace with the other person may take a little effort to achieve, especially if I have a point of view of my own, but it will be lasting, and begins to build the trust necessary to a compatible relationship. Peace can even mean walking away from a relationship that involves constant struggle.

Paradoxically, this is often the easiest way to work toward peace in some ways, and the most difficult in other ways. It’s easy because it requires nothing beyond myself; only mental/emotional work. Difficult because there are many ingrained attitudes, prejudices, and assumptions I must challenge and overcome on the way to internal peace.

The path to peace, inner and outer, is not a direct line with specific steps. It is full of trial and error, wrong turns and delightful discoveries. Sometimes talking with myself is all I need, sometimes it helps to talk it out with a friend, or even a therapist. Sometimes the words of a great teacher help. I like “My religion is simple. My religion is kindness” – Dalai Lama. Or “Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever.” – Psalm 23. Usually my heart knows, better than my head, where the peaceful path lies.

I have chosen to follow a path of peace, internally and externally. This choice shapes all of my subsequent choices, and commits me to a process of self-awareness. To the best of my ability, I make my choices, and check the results with my mind and my heart. I get it wrong often, but I also get it right enough times to make my life much more peaceful; and I am happy, more often that not. When something makes me unhappy, I can find the path to peace more quickly than I used to.

I hope you find this useful on your own path.

© 2009 Tina B. Tessina
adapted from: The 10 Smartest Decisions A Woman Can Make Before 40 (HCI) ISBN#1-55874-614-5 (also in 16 languages)

If you want more, here are some related articles you can download from my website at http://tinatessina.com/monthly_column.html

Anger: Cleansing Squall or Hurricane?
Attitude: From Negative to Gratitude
Coping with Critics
Don't Panic
Emotions as Weather
Getting Out of Your Way
Getting to Yes
Handling Anxiety Effectively
Into Every Life
Letting Go of Anxiety
Mirrors and Teachers
The Power of Politeness
Relating With Love
Resolving Inner Anarchy
Winning The War Within
The Worrier's Guidelines
Year of Peace

Appearances Calendar

New! Follow me www.twitter.com/tinatessina
Please look for my newest book: The Commuter Marriage: Keep Your Relationship Close While You're Far Apart (Adams Media, June 2008) ISBN # 1-59869-432-4
The Dr. Romance blog: http://drromance.typepad.com/dr_romance_blog/
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=654038567
LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/tinatessina
You can find me on the Internet as "Dr. Romance" on Yahoo!Personals at http://personals.yahoo.com/us/static/content_date;
Divorce360.com: http://www.divorce360.com/articles-by-tina-tessina/128.aspx
I’m a designated Expert for Redbook Love Network
I'll also answer your questions at http://www.tinatessina.com

Upcoming radio shows, TV, and lectures are all posted on my website at http://www.tinatessina.com and at http://www.booktour.com/author/tina_b_tessina


I welcome your feedback and support, please contact me at tina@tinatessina.com.

Wishing you joy,
Tina B. Tessina, PhD
www.tinatessina.com

MAILBOX
Re: Getting to Yes
Interesting. Thank you, Tina! I'm thinking several of those expressions have been on my face, too, in many conversations with my family of late. Erin

Thank you, Erin. Peace to you.

Re: Detox Your Life

Another good one Tina. Helpful to many I am sure. Madelyn

Thanks again, Madelyn. I hope so.



Recent Newsletters
· Saturday, May 02, 2015
· Saturday, May 02, 2015
· Wednesday, April 08, 2015
· Tuesday, March 03, 2015
· Sunday, February 01, 2015
· Thursday, January 01, 2015
· Monday, December 01, 2014
· Monday, November 03, 2014
· Wednesday, October 01, 2014
· Monday, September 01, 2014
· Friday, August 01, 2014
· Wednesday, July 02, 2014
· Monday, June 02, 2014
· Thursday, May 01, 2014
· Monday, March 31, 2014
· Sunday, March 02, 2014
· Monday, February 03, 2014
· Monday, February 03, 2014
· Tuesday, December 31, 2013
· Thursday, December 05, 2013
· Monday, November 04, 2013
· Tuesday, October 01, 2013
· Sunday, September 01, 2013
· Thursday, August 01, 2013
· Monday, July 01, 2013
· Thursday, June 06, 2013
· Monday, May 06, 2013
· Monday, May 06, 2013
· Wednesday, April 03, 2013
· Friday, March 01, 2013
· Thursday, January 31, 2013
· Thursday, December 27, 2012
· Thursday, November 01, 2012
· Saturday, September 01, 2012
· Saturday, September 01, 2012
· Wednesday, August 01, 2012
· Sunday, July 01, 2012
· Sunday, June 03, 2012
· Friday, May 04, 2012
· Sunday, April 01, 2012
· Saturday, March 03, 2012
· Friday, February 03, 2012
· Wednesday, January 04, 2012
· Sunday, December 04, 2011
· Tuesday, November 01, 2011
· Saturday, October 08, 2011
· Friday, September 02, 2011
· Tuesday, August 02, 2011
· Thursday, June 30, 2011
· Thursday, June 30, 2011
· Tuesday, May 31, 2011
· Thursday, May 05, 2011
· Friday, April 01, 2011
· Friday, March 04, 2011
· Thursday, February 03, 2011
· Saturday, January 01, 2011
· Wednesday, December 01, 2010
· Monday, November 01, 2010
· Thursday, September 30, 2010
· Wednesday, September 01, 2010
· Sunday, August 01, 2010
· Thursday, July 01, 2010
· Tuesday, June 08, 2010
· Monday, May 03, 2010
· Saturday, April 03, 2010
· Monday, March 01, 2010
· Monday, February 01, 2010
· Thursday, January 07, 2010
· Tuesday, December 01, 2009
· Tuesday, November 03, 2009
· Monday, October 05, 2009
· Monday, August 03, 2009
· Wednesday, July 01, 2009
· Tuesday, June 02, 2009
· Thursday, April 30, 2009
· Wednesday, April 01, 2009
· Sunday, March 01, 2009
· Saturday, January 31, 2009
· Thursday, January 01, 2009
· Monday, December 01, 2008
· Thursday, November 06, 2008
· Friday, October 03, 2008
· Monday, September 01, 2008
· Saturday, August 02, 2008
· Sunday, July 06, 2008
· Tuesday, June 10, 2008
· Wednesday, May 07, 2008
· Tuesday, April 01, 2008
· Saturday, March 01, 2008
· Friday, February 01, 2008
· Tuesday, January 01, 2008
· Monday, December 03, 2007
· Saturday, November 03, 2007
· Tuesday, October 02, 2007
· Thursday, September 06, 2007
· Saturday, August 04, 2007
· Tuesday, July 03, 2007
· Tuesday, June 05, 2007
· Wednesday, May 02, 2007
· Sunday, April 01, 2007
· Saturday, March 03, 2007
· Wednesday, January 31, 2007
· Monday, January 01, 2007
· Friday, December 01, 2006
· Thursday, November 02, 2006
· Tuesday, October 03, 2006
· Wednesday, September 06, 2006
· Friday, August 04, 2006
· Friday, June 30, 2006
· Friday, June 02, 2006
· Saturday, May 06, 2006
· Friday, March 31, 2006
· Wednesday, March 01, 2006
· Thursday, February 02, 2006
· Saturday, December 31, 2005
· Thursday, December 08, 2005
· Thursday, November 03, 2005
· Tuesday, October 04, 2005
· Friday, September 02, 2005
· Friday, August 05, 2005
· Monday, August 01, 2005
· Tuesday, July 05, 2005
· Sunday, July 03, 2005
· Wednesday, June 01, 2005
· Wednesday, June 01, 2005
· Monday, April 25, 2005
· Saturday, April 23, 2005
· Sunday, April 03, 2005
· Wednesday, March 30, 2005
· Friday, March 04, 2005
· Wednesday, March 02, 2005
· Friday, January 28, 2005
· Wednesday, January 26, 2005
· Wednesday, January 05, 2005
· Tuesday, January 04, 2005
· Monday, December 06, 2004
· Sunday, December 05, 2004
· Monday, November 01, 2004
· Sunday, October 31, 2004
· Thursday, October 07, 2004
· Tuesday, October 05, 2004
· Friday, September 10, 2004
· Wednesday, September 08, 2004
· Friday, August 06, 2004
· Tuesday, August 03, 2004
· Thursday, July 08, 2004
· Thursday, July 01, 2004
· Monday, June 21, 2004
· Tuesday, June 15, 2004
· Monday, May 31, 2004
· Wednesday, May 19, 2004
· Tuesday, May 04, 2004
· Sunday, May 02, 2004
· Tuesday, April 27, 2004
· Wednesday, April 21, 2004
· Saturday, April 03, 2004
· Thursday, April 01, 2004
· Tuesday, March 30, 2004
· Tuesday, March 23, 2004
· Tuesday, March 16, 2004
· Wednesday, March 10, 2004
· Wednesday, March 03, 2004
· Tuesday, March 02, 2004
· Monday, February 23, 2004
· Tuesday, February 17, 2004
· Wednesday, February 11, 2004
· Friday, February 06, 2004
· Tuesday, February 03, 2004
· Monday, January 26, 2004
· Wednesday, January 21, 2004
· Tuesday, January 13, 2004
· Tuesday, January 06, 2004
· Friday, December 26, 2003
· Wednesday, December 10, 2003
· Wednesday, December 10, 2003
· Wednesday, December 10, 2003
· Monday, December 01, 2003
· Monday, December 01, 2003
· Monday, November 24, 2003
· Wednesday, November 19, 2003
· Wednesday, November 12, 2003
· Tuesday, November 04, 2003
· Saturday, November 01, 2003
· Tuesday, October 21, 2003
· Tuesday, October 14, 2003
· Thursday, October 09, 2003
· Saturday, October 04, 2003
· Monday, September 29, 2003
· Sunday, September 21, 2003
· Tuesday, September 16, 2003
· Tuesday, September 09, 2003
· Thursday, September 04, 2003
· Monday, September 01, 2003
· Tuesday, August 26, 2003
· Monday, August 18, 2003
· Thursday, August 07, 2003
· Friday, August 01, 2003
· Thursday, July 24, 2003
· Saturday, July 05, 2003
· Monday, June 23, 2003
· Monday, June 16, 2003
· Sunday, June 08, 2003
· Thursday, June 05, 2003
· Tuesday, June 03, 2003
· Sunday, May 25, 2003
· Sunday, May 04, 2003
· Thursday, May 01, 2003
· Wednesday, April 30, 2003
· Wednesday, April 30, 2003
· Tuesday, April 15, 2003
· Sunday, March 30, 2003
· Monday, March 24, 2003
· Monday, March 17, 2003
· Friday, March 14, 2003
· Friday, March 14, 2003

You can also search authors by alphabetical listing: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z



Featured Authors | New to AuthorsDen? | Add AuthorsDen to your Site
Share AD with your friends | Need Help? | About us


Problem with this page?   Report it to AuthorsDen

© AuthorsDen, Inc. All rights reserved.