Paul Kyriazi's Newsletter
I release info about my projects and Living the James Bond Lifestyle.
Newsletter Dated: 7/2/2003 2:45:24 AM
Subject: Is James Bond a Giver or a Taker?
He's giving to his Magesty's Secret Service. He's giving when he risks his life to keep the world away from nuclear war, as he often does. He's giving to the women he rescues. And he always tips.
There has to be a balance between giving and taking. You should give without being a victim to takers. And you should take freely what is offered to you without feeling the obligation to return something directly to that person.
The big problem for those wanting to live the JBLS is when you're in a friendship with a chronic taker and you are a natural giver. One day it hits you that you have been used by this taker for a long time, even years. When you realize this situation it time to stop giving so much and see where that takes the relationship. What usually happens is the taker moves on and attaches himself to other givers and stops trying to take from you. This is a great natural weeding out of this type of person in your life.
Living the JBLS requires you being a natural giver, to evoke the law of circulation and to establish important business and personal relationships. Also it's great fun to search for and find just the right gift, compliment, or experience for that individual person.
Are you a giver or taker. It's easy to answer this for yourself. When you walk into a room and see someone there, do you think "There you are." As in, "I'm excited to see you." Or "Here I am." as in "Cater to me."?
A study by researchers in this field have said 80% of all men are takers. They will take from everyone all year long and then have one event, like take everyone out for dinner, and then they'll talk about it for the rest of the year while continuing their taking ways.
Wow! 80% of all men takers? Ask yourself, "Am I in the rare 20%? And if I'm not, do I want to move up into that group. The operative word there is "up". This is why rule # 13 of the JBLS is "Everyone I meet is better off for the experience."
One thing is for sure. Givers don't understand takers. And takers don't understand givers. I had an exceptional taker friend who would always ask, "Why did you give that thing to him?" And I would have to explain how the guy helped me or was a long time friend, or whatever reason." But when I gave to him, he happily grabbed it with both hands. And would even hint about something of mine that he wanted knowing that I would probably volunteer to give it to him. His "thank you"s were always short and under his breath, so as not to infer an obligation to return the gift or favor.
However, I never felt a victim to him because at that time he was a friend. Later when he became too devious, untrustworthy, and secretly slanderous to include in either my film jobs or personal life, I stopped contacting him and he dropped out of my life.
The interesting thing is that these takers know what they're doing. They know that they're using you. So when you get wise to them, they know right away that the jig is up and move out of your life.
Once a particular taker drops out of your experience don't feel that you were victimized by him. You gave to him in the past because you wanted to. Or as Rocky Balboa would say, "Friends do because they wanna do."
However, if this taker suddenly shows up in your life now asking for something, politely refuse him, because it would take away from you giving that thing, time, or money to someone else that is more important to you, not to mention more worthy.
In a love relationship, it has been said that, "The man should give 100% to the woman making her give back 200%." This sounds nice and may be true. But then comes the question, "Is my Bond girl a giver or taker? Does she really like me? Love me? Or is she just using me?"
To me, the JBLS man's relationship to his Bond girl is a different situation than that with his male friends. A man often enjoys being the hero to the girl by fixing her problems and giving to her, so he enjoys it. Or that she's such an extraordinary experience that she's worth all the giving, even all the hassle. Or as Paul Newman said over the phone to his girlfriend in "The Color of Money", "My pool playing is good, but I've got no one to give me any grief. Why don't you fly down here and give me some grief?"
Or as Rock Hudson said to Liz Taylor in "Giant" about her selfish and temperamental ways, "Us Texas like some vinegar in our greens. Gives them flavor." So if you've got a young Liz Taylor for a Bond girl, you might consider that her taking and you giving all the time, is worth it. It's all up to you and your point of view. And how much you value that particular Bond girl.
Bottom line: When Bond rescues the girl, he never asks for anything in return. He just takes what they want to give, and enjoys it.