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FYI...My book, "PAST: Perfect! PRESENT: Tense! Insights From One Woman's Journey As The Wife of a Widower" is available for purchase at Amazon.com, BarnesAndNoble.com and via the publisher, iUniverse.com.
Julie Donner Andersen
Newsletter Dated: 8/30/2004 1:44:25 AM
Subject: AUGUST 2004 WOW/GOW Newsletter – Julie Donner Andersen
AUGUST 2004 WOW/GOW Newsletter –
Julie Donner Andersen
Hi Guys and Gals!
First of all, my most sincere apologies for getting this newsletter to you so late! Hubs was on vacation this past week, and we wanted to make the best of the time. We did a LOT of home improvement projects, worked on our painted wood items for our Ebay sales, and did some boating/fishing/relaxing with our 4 yr. old. Why is it that time passes so quickly when you’re on vacation, but draaaaags when you are at work? LOL!
Anyway, back to business!…
I have a surprise for you this month! My very special neighbour Dr. Tim Prentice, D.V.M. (named slightly altered to protect privacy) agreed to be interviewed by Yours Truly for this month’s issue! Tim is a remarried widower…and even more exciting – his bride Angie will be interviewed for next month’s newsletter! (Not that Angie is more exciting than you, Tim, but you get my point…hee hee). My special thanks to both of them (they are new newsletter members!) for their kindness!
BIG NEWS for the little writer!….My illustrated humour book is finally at the printers, and will debut on October 30th!! YAHOOOOOOOO! Pre-sales will begin in late September, so I will keep you posted so you will be the first to get a first edition before it hits the shelves! :)
For those so inclined, please pray for me as I deal with an individual who has recently written to me, slamming me for posting a poem to my website in honour of a friend’s child who recently passed away, saying how dare I profit from another person’s pain. This letter broke my heart. For those of you who write, you will be able to relate to the power of the pen…how you must be inspired, motivated and moved in order to create something from the heart. I profit not from anything posted at Authors Den. I cannot. It is part of the contract I have with my publisher.
My life’s mission is to support you, my readers, through whatever my gifts. I do so freely and without payment or outside income of any kinds besides the royalties on my books. Yet there will be those who, for whatever their reasons, will find fault and try to chip away at your heart’s desires. Please pray that this individual finds peace within her heart and a better grasp of what true mission work is all about. Thank you.
As always, I’m only an e-mail away!
(~~Julie Donner Andersen is the author of “PAST: Perfect! PRESENT: Tense! Insights From One Woman’s Journey As The Wife of a Widower,” available at Amazon.com and BarnesAndNoble.com. Julie’s illustrated humour book, “Parentally Insane: Insights From The Edge…of Midlife!” will be released Oct. 30, 2004. Her personal website is http://www.authorsden.com/juliedonnerandersen Julie can be reached via e-mail at email@example.com)
(Disclaimer: The opinions, feelings, and emotions displayed in the articles, stories, news articles, and poems in this newsletter do not necessarily reflect the same as the newsletter owner and author Julie Donner Andersen, and should not be construed as her personal advice/opinion, nor should they be considered her personal endorsement. Thank you.)
Interview With A Widower: Part I
Julie Donner Andersen
I had the distinct pleasure of talking my down-the-street neighbour – a recently remarried widower – into allowing me to interview him for this month’s newsletter.
Dr. Tim Prentice (name altered for privacy) was happily married for 4 years when his 34-year-old wife, Susan, was struck and killed by a drunk driver on New Year’s Day 1995. They had no children. Mr. Prentice was a widower for 3 years when he met Angie, his present wife. (Angie has agreed to do an interview with me for an upcoming WOW/GOW Newsletter, so stay tuned!). Tim and Angie have been married for 4 years and have a 2 yr. old son. Jack is a veterinarian. Angie is a nurse.
The following is Part I of my interview with my good friend and neighbour, Tim, with my thanks. It has been transcribed from a taped interview:
J = Julie
T = Tim
J: Tim thank you for allowing me to do this interview. I know it will shed some light on widower thoughts and feelings that might help my WOWs and GOWs understand their men much better.
T: My pleasure, Julie.
J: Tim, take us back to the day that Susan, your late wife, was killed. Can you describe your thoughts and feelings?
T: It was devastating. When you’re young, you think you’ll live forever. Neither one of us had talked about wills, funerals, our eventual deaths, or anything remotely related. We were just young and in love, hoping to start a family soon. I remember feeling very alone. No one really understood what I was going through. It’s very surreal – life goes on around you, but you don’t feel like a part of it. Then, all of a sudden, your partner is gone, and so are the dreams you shared together. You turn into this hideous monster – full of anger. You’re angry at God, at people who try to help but just don’t get it, at couples who hold hands and look happy, even at couple who aren’t happy because you just want to shake them and tell them to hold onto each other because life is too short for fighting. Then you get so very sad. All those phases and stages of grief are so true. You experience each one of them.
J: What was the hardest part of rebuilding your life as a widower?
T: Learning to do for myself. Not just everyday things like laundry and cooking, but learning to start thinking of my life and my future in terms of just me. After sharing with someone else for so many years, you always think in terms of “us”. All of your decisions and choices include another person’s feelings and opinions. It becomes second nature. But after my late wife died, I had to start thinking about what I wanted…what I needed. It might sound selfish, but it was the only way I could survive the devastation. I hated that part of early bereavement. I am someone who likes sharing my life with another. I don’t make a good bachelor (laughs).
J: At what point did you feel ready to start dating again?
T: Honestly, I didn’t think I would. I didn’t think anyone could “measure up” to Susan. I couldn’t replace her, so I didn’t even try. But man, it’s lonely all by yourself! Sure, I had my friends, and they were great, but I missed the companionship of a woman. I missed the things – the good things – about being in a relationship. So, I ventured out and just took a leap of faith. I dated a few women, but never more than one time. Something always made me withdraw.
J: What do you think that “something” was?
T: Honestly? I think it was the fact that none of the women I dated before Angie were willing to accept my feelings for Susan. There was too much jealousy. Many of the women I dated just wanted me to forget her and get past my grief quickly. I know it’s a lot to ask, but like your book says, it’s important to embrace the late wife, not just for your own peace of mind, but for the widower. We need to know that the “competition” GOWs and WOWs feel about the late wives won’t last forever. We (widowers) know it’s normal for you to feel this way, but it’s a special woman who understands a widower’s heart has room enough and love enough for both women.
J: Did Angie understand this right away?
T: (Laughs) No, she didn’t. She went through most of the normal GOW feelings as described in your book with one glaring exception – she “learned” to accept some things she cannot change. That book of yours was a lifesaver for her – for both of us. We would read it together. What amazed me is that my grief journey was very similar to Angie’s GOW journey. We both had to re-learn new things, adjust our attitudes and actions accordingly, and deal with each other’s feelings with sympathy and respect.
J: Did you have those feelings of “betrayal” when you started falling in love with Angie?
T: Oh God, yes! But from what I read in grief literature and through the bereavement classes I attended, I knew that my feelings were normal yet temporary. Still, there were times when I thought Susan was watching every move I made, feeling hurt that I was loving another woman. I felt so guilty about that.
J: Did you experience and epiphany of sorts which made you conclude that loving Angie was OK, in spite of your guilt?
T: Yes. During our first year of dating, I was driving past the cemetery, and I thought I saw Angie’s car. I turned into the drive, and I saw her at Susan’s grave. She was tidying it up, and had dug some pretty mums into the ground beside the headstone. She didn’t see me, thank goodness, because I was just enjoying sitting there, watching her. Then she knelt down in front of the headstone like she was praying. Man, I think I fell in love with her right then and there. I hope this doesn’t sound too corny, but at that moment, my guilt was released. It felt like my late wife had given her “permission” for me to love Angie…like she knew, because of Angie’s tending her gravesite, that she (Angie) would never try to erase her memory from my head.
J: So it IS possible to love two women at the same time?
T: Absolutely! Susan and Angie are two very different people. But even if they were clones of each other, I’d love them both for different reasons. Does that make sense? I mean, my love for Susan is deep and pure and special, and yet it’s a love that I can’t change because she’s not here to help make it grow. It’s part of my past, even though it’s still in my present. Angie’s here, and our love just keeps growing and growing because she is a part of my present and my FUTURE.
J: Are you guilty of comparing the two women?
T: Well, yeah, sometimes…but not in a bad way. Most of the time, it’s because Ang will do something or say something really nice that Susan never did, and I’ll think to myself, “Wow, that’s really cool!” But do I ever compare the bad stuff? No. They (wives) are unique people and special in their own ways.
J: Tim, what advice or words of wisdom can you, as a widower, impart on my readers that might help them with some of their GOW/WOW issues?
T: Oh, that’s a hard one! As a widower, I think my best advice to GOWs and WOWs would be: Try to be patient with his grief, and accepting of his love. Don’t doubt that he loves you just because he grieves his late wife. Also, try not to be jealous of the late wife. Accepting her, like Julie’s book says – embracing her, will only make us love you more. And last(ly), speak up if you are having issues. We aren’t mind readers, and although I can’t speak for all widowers, I know that I appreciate it when Angie comes to me with a problem she’s having, whether it’s WOW-related or not. I think resentment builds when things are bottled up, and that’s not healthy for a relationship.
J: Tim, thank you for the opportunity to hear a widower’s point of view. May I interview you again for a future newsletter?
T: As long as you keep me in home grown tomatoes, I am your willing subject.
QUESTIONS OF THE MONTH – AUGUST (and your responses)
1.) If you met a “newbie” GOW or WOW today and struck up a conversation with her, what is the one, best piece of advice you would share with her?
~I would tell a newbie GOW that this relationship will be a test of her strength in the area of real loving and of self-confidence. This will also be an opportunity for personal growth, whether the relationship grows or ultimately wanes and dies. You have to "play" by a special set of rules, because your newfound potential partner is probably distracted and grieving--but NEVER allow his "handicap" to blind either one of you to the fact that your needs in the relationship are every bit as important as those of the widower, and don't let his grief obscure the quest to finding out what sort of man he is (that is to say, when you've worked together through all the muck, will he really be the sort of person you'll want to hang on to?) It's a "tough row to hoe"--don't expect it to be easy (surely we've figured out by now that even "normal" relationships aren't easy!) My widower companion has become my best friend--the "love of his life" has come and gone. But when I stopped focusing on him and his situation, I finally realized he really is not, and never was, "the one" for me, either. Now I am content to enjoy his friendship--I've worked hard to win his confidence and trust. It's a good friendship, indeed. If your relationship turns out to be more--WONDERFUL! If not, I believe you'll be the wiser and stronger for it, anyway. I wish you the best--whatever that might be.
~ I would advise a "newbie" to have patience with friends, family and especially with your widower boyfriend or husband. Having been a divorced woman for many years, this new man in my life is very untainted by the hurt, pain and bitterness of divorce. Dealing with his grief, and at the same time trying to help his kids through their's has made this year a very difficult one for him..But, slowly coming out of it, I am finding a man who know only one way to have a long, loving relationship and for this I credit him and beloved late wife. I am reaping the rewards of the success of their marriage and for that I am eternally grateful to her. Also, be very open to the wonderful changes in your life that will occur!!
~ The best advice I would give a GOW or WOW is: Read Julie's book!
~My advice would be to be very, very careful and take it slow. He may think he is ready for a new relationship and of course you may want to believe he is, but chances are HE IS NOT. This all depends on the
situation - how long they were married, what kind of marriage they had, etc. I would especially take it slow if they were married for a long time and had a "perfect" relationship. At some point you
should recognize your own needs and make sure he understands what they are, and if he can't live with that then say bye. Being in a relationship with a widower whose wife was (and is) a saint is very humbling. I had no idea how hard it would be.
~ I would tell her to protect her heart and don't fall too fast. At any given moment they can TOTALLY retreat and you will be back at square one. Sometimes you will hurt so bad that you will wish you had
died instead of "her". Yet, sometimes you will be so happy and you will forget "her" existence...but don't be fooled, he never will forget.
~ If I met a newbie GOW, my advice would be to GO SLOWLY. If I met a newbie WOW, my advice would be to pray a lot, take a day at a time, be patient when unexpected situations arise, and keep a good sense of humor! Not everything about being married to a widower has to be so serious - we have to be able to laugh at things once in a while, too!
~ I would tell her (GOW), unless she can accept the fact that she will be sharing her life with a man who still is attached in many ways to another woman (especially in the beginning)....RUN - RUN - RUN...in the opposite direction. Expect graveyard visits, the "blank stare" that he explains as "nothing", being called by her name, doing things he had planned to do with her, and pictures of her in the house forever. To a WOW, I would say ...continue making your own memories, and give him time.
~ Communicate, embrace the late wife, and stand up for yourself. My husband brought up his widower situation from the very first date, so it has never been an awkward subject, though sad to talk about sometimes. Communication also means honesty about how you're feeling, something that is very important for you and the WHOLE family who is also dealing with the loss. Embrace the late wife - realize he will always love her, but he's capable of loving someone else too, maybe even more since he realizes how special marriage is and knows how to love and how precious every second is. Embrace the LW might also mean accepting her relatives who are your husbands in-laws - they can be a great strength in helping you through this – my father-in-law from the LW side is a great friend of mine. Stand up for yourself - know your rights as a girlfriend/wife and don't settle for being second in his life. Yes, the LW will always be a part, but decisions for your relationship should be based upon what's best for this new relationship, not what's best for his relationship with his LW.
2.) Have you ever vacationed to or visited somewhere special that your BF/Hubs and his late wife had been to? Did you know beforehand that he and his LW had been there? How did it make you feel?
~Well, I haven't YET vacationed at the same place as BF vacationed with his late wife, but I thought that you might find this of interest. I will be leaving in one week to spend two weeks away with my sweetie. One of the weeks will be spent with his late wife's brother and sister-in-law. I may be crazy ... but it was their idea. I'm just hoping and praying that this is going to be a reasonably positive experience, and not a huge mistake. My motto from day one with my guy has been keeping an 'open mind', and staying open about his late wife. This will be a stretch! Wish me luck!!!
~Oh yes...my man took me on a dinner train trip he had planned two years before. She died a week before her birthday and I am certain that he had purchased the tickets before the accident. In fact, he took me there to celebrate MY birthday, which is about the same time. No, I didn't know about it at the time. If I had known I would have felt as if he wanted her instead of me to be there. I am glad I didn't figure it out until I had gained the knowledge about why widowers act the way they do.
~Yes, we did go to a place that BF had been with his late wife, and he told me that during our visit there. I did not know that until we were visiting the little town for the day, and when he told me that, it made me wonder if he was feeling sad. It made me feel a bit melancholy.
~ We have never visited a vacation place that was theirs and I don't want to. Afraid he would be remembering how great it was then.
~ Yes! I was dating my DH only about 6 months when he invited me to go to the remote island that he and his LW used to go to for 10 years! I wanted to be cooperative (and at first I was flattered) so I went along. There were three other couples going too -- all of whom were "her" friends and did not like the fact that DH had moved on so quickly. The trip was a disaster. I felt totally alone and isolated. The friends kept talking about "her" and the things they used to do there. DH was oblivious to most of it . . . until he caught me crying one night. He still didn't seem to get it but could see I was upset. We did this trip twice, until we finally were engaged and I told DH that these "friends" made me feel very uncomfortable. We stopped attending the trips (and ironically, the friends stopped going too -- since DH was always picking up the tab!!!). I finally sat down with DH and told him that this island was him and LW's special dream - - not mine. I asked him to understand how he might feel if I took him someplace that was special to me and my ex. I think he understood. Anyway, we don't go there anymore, but there is still a riff with these "friends." They just can't seem to get over their own grief issues, although DH seems to be moving along just fine. Bottom line is: I don't think its healthy to try to revisit old places and relive the past. You must make your own NEW memories and traditions . . . Leave the past alone!
~ My BF has a timeshare in Florida that "they" went to every year. He hasn't offered to take me...and I am not sure I want to go. We have gone to summer theatre performances that his kids participate in (mine also). I know his wife used to always be there
and it was very important to her. Being there made me feel weird-and out of place...I am sure that sometimes as he was sitting there with me- he may have been thinking of times he was there with her. Also,
one of the performances was "indirectly" (lonnng story) in memory of "her"...that angered me. It's like she's everywhere.
~I can't remember. I don't think he has. If so, he wouldn't hide it from me. I know he specifically told me that the place he was planning to take me on our honeymoon was not where he took her - just to settle my own worries. I don't think it would bother me at this point if he took me somewhere that they had been too. I'm confident of my place in his life, and I know he just wants to share with me the places that he enjoys.
3.) What has been THE most reassuring thing your BF/Hubs has ever said to you in regard to your GOW/WOW issues? How did it make you feel?
~My BF told me that he is glad that I am, the way I am, which is very different from the LW. He said it is a relief not to have to put up with some of her impatient ways. I know he loved her and misses her, but it is good to know I've made his life better in a small way.
~He told me that he wanted me to be me and that he didn't want me to try to be "her".
~ Hmmmm, he hasn't exactly said anything reassuring...I am not sure he understand fully the feelings and tub-full of emotions that GOWs face. He has tried to understand. He always listens...but I don't think he HEARS me. I would love to hear just once that I was the best...ANYTHING...girlfriend, fiance, lover, wife...ANYTHING. Now THAT would be reassuring! But that won't happen because to say that to me will mean that his wife was "less than", and he would never say anything to tarnish that angelic memory.
~ The most reassuring thing that my husband has ever told me is that he never knew until now that there could be love as strong as what we have and that he never experienced that before.
QUESTIONS OF THE MONTH - SEPTEMBER
OK, gals, send ‘em in! Pick one or answer all three…but DO share with us! Don’t make me bombard your e-mail with nag notes! LOL! Results posted in September Newsletter, due out Sept. 26th….JDA
1.) Would you marry/date a widower again should (God forbid!) anything happen to your widower? Why or why not?
2.) What is one personality trait/value – good or bad - do you believe that you and the late wife have in common? Explain.
3.) Do you believe that the late wife’s spirit/ghost/presence is around you always/sometimes/never? Explain why or why not.
~~Send in your responses via e-mail to firstname.lastname@example.org. Please do not use Julie’s messaging system through her website at AuthorsDen. Thank you!
How do you respond to the widower who spends a great deal of time talking about the past? Not necessarily just about his LW, but most of his conversation is about what he did in the past. I'm finding it very hard to engage him in conversation about the present and future.
I think part of it is that he has only been widowed not quite 2 years, and he's single parenting a teenage daughter, so I don't think he's had much time to develop a sense of himself and his life in the present. But it makes me feel very sad not to be able to share our dreams and desires for the future together and begin to move forward.
We've talked about how ready he is to move forward and he assures me he is, but I'm not so sure that he is ready. Any suggestions?
Dragging Him Into The Present
Everybody has a past, and most people enjoy talking about it, recalling fond memories of days gone by, and remembering special people and places. But when the past interferes with the present so the point of immobility, impeding personal growth, then there is a self-esteem problem. Do these folks feel that the past is “as good as it gets” and the present or future could never best it? Perhaps, and if depression accompanies these thoughts, then help is urgently required.
Ah, but we are talking about a WIDOWER here, and as such, we are talking about a man whose past and its memories are as important as breath. We are also talking about fear. Many widowers are afraid to move beyond bereavement, feeling that doing so will negate his past as if it never existed. This is unacceptable to a man who nobly desires to keep his late wife’s memory as real as possible. He does not want to betray her, her memory, or the wonderful things she brought to his life when she existed on this planet. Yet he has not yet concluded that it is possible to keep memories alive while still moving on with life.
Gentle reader, I think you are onto something regarding your theory that your BF has not had much time to develop a sense of himself and his life in the present. As Dr. Tim said in the interview posted above:
“Learning to do for myself (was the hardest part of being newly widowed). Not just everyday things like laundry and cooking, but learning to start thinking of my life and my future in terms of just me. After sharing with someone else for so many years, you always think in terms of “us”. All of your decisions and choices include another person’s feelings and opinions. It becomes second nature. But after my late wife died, I had to start thinking about what I wanted…what I needed. It might sound selfish, but it was the only way I could survive the devastation.”
For all grief and GOW/WOW issues, time is the best healer. Your BF simply needs time to wrap his brain around the fact that he CAN be autonomous…a new and different person, apart from his late wife.
In the meantime, you can help by keeping the lines of communication open. Relate to him your anxieties about his many discussions of his past, why it bothers you, and what you can do together to create amore comfortable compromise. Harbouring resentments is the antithesis of relationship growth. To heal them, one must only air them.
~~Do you agree? Disagree? Have some advice to help this reader? Got a question for me? Let me hear it! email@example.com
I NEED YOUR HELP, GALS! PLEASE??
Ladies, I so enjoy doing this newsletter. It is a labour of love for me. But doing all my own book promotions (plus raising 3 kids, plus selling on Ebay, plus…) is time consuming, but necessary. I don’t want to be swamped with so much promoting that I have no time left for the newsletter. But that’s where you can help…
It would take an entire newsletter for me to explain the “ins and outs” of online booksellers like Amazon, but suffice to say, the more reviews that appear on a book’s/author’s page there, the more visible it becomes to the general public and the search engines.
So please, can you do me one small favour today and post a (anonymous, if you want) review of my book at Amazon.com, Amazon.ca (Canada), and/or BarnesAndNoble.com? Promoting my book on these online store websites is by far the best way to reach other WOWs and GOWs, letting them know that REAL people are being comforted by it. Thanks a bunch, my readers!
~~~Calling all libraries! Yes, PLEASE call your library, and ask them to stock my book for their patrons. Most will be happy to accommodate. Or drop them a note in their suggestion box (most libraries have one) with the publisher’s name (iUniverse.com) so they can order it. Thank you!! J
JUST FOR FUN…
Once again, The Washington Post published its yearly contest in which
readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for various words.
And the winners are...
1. Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.
2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.
6. Negligent (adj.) describes a condition in which you absent-mindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.
13. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.
14. Pokemon (n), A Jamaican proctologist.
15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die your Soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.
Make time to be with your kids!
The man came home from work late again, tired and irritated, to find his 5 year old son waiting for him at the door.
Daddy, may I ask you a question?"
"Yeah, sure, what is it?" replied the man.
"Daddy, how much money do you make an hour?"
"That's none of your business! What makes you ask such a thing?" the man said angrily.
"I just want to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an hour?" pleaded the little boy.
"If you must know, I make $20.00 an hour."
"Oh," the little boy replied, head bowed.
Looking up, he said, "Daddy, may I borrow $10.00 please?"
The father was furious. "If the only reason you wanted to know how much money I make is just so you can borrow some to buy a silly toy or some other nonsense, then you march yourself straight to your room and go to bed. Think about why you're being so selfish. I work long, hard hours everyday and don't have time for such childish games."
The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door.
The man sat down and started to get even madder about the little boy's questioning. How dare he ask such questions only to get some money.
After an hour or so, the man had calmed down, and started to think he may have been a little hard on his son. Maybe there was something he really needed to buy with that $10.00, and he really didn't ask for money very often.
The man went to the Door of the little boy's room and opened the door. "Are you asleep son?" he asked.
"No daddy, I'm awake," replied the boy.
"I've been thinking, maybe I was too hard on you earlier," said the man. "It's been a long day and I took my aggravation out on you. Here's that $10.00 you asked for."
The little boy sat straight up, beaming. "Oh, thank you daddy!" he yelled. Then, reaching under his pillow, he pulled out some more crumpled up bills. The man, since the boy already had money, started to get angry again. The little boy slowly counted out his money, then looked up at the man.
"Why did you want more money if you already had some?" the father grumbled.
"Because I didn't have enough, but now I do," the little boy replied.
"Daddy, I have $20.00 now. Can I buy an hour of your time?"
~ by Anita Barany of Victoria, British Columbia.
WIDOWER INFO IN THE NEWS
To read this article in its entirety, please click to:
Widower Helps Mothers Battle Postpartum Depression:
Spanghler Lost Wife Three Months After She Gave Birth
NEWS WOMEN CAN USE
(thanks to D. Hutzal for this eye-opener!…JDA)
Keep alert for people with cell phones in hand standing near you in the checkout line at retail stores, restaurants, grocery stores, etc., With the new camera cell phones, they can take a picture of your credit card, which gives them your name, number, and expiration date. Identification theft is one of the fastest growing crimes today, and this is just another example of the means that are being used. So, be aware of your surroundings.
(All of the following book information has been gathered through the Amazon.com website)
Getting to the Other Side of Grief: Overcoming the Loss of a Spouse
by Susan J. Zonnebelt-Smeenge, Robert Devries, Robert C. De Vries
Product Details:· Paperback: 222 pages · Publisher: Baker Books (September 1, 1998) · ISBN: 080105821X
About the Author
Susan J. Zonnebelt-Smeenge is a clinical psychologist at Pine Rest Mental Health Services. She is also a certified social worker and a registered nurse.
Robert C. De Vries is professor of church education at Calvin Theological Seminary and regularly conducts workshops and seminars on issues relating to adult education, youth ministry, and bereavement. The couple resides in Grand Rapids, Michigan.
It's something no married person wants to imagine. Yet each year, eight hundred thousand individuals mourn the passing of a husband or wife.
Coming alongside the grieving spouse, psychologist Susan Zonnebelt-Smeenge and pastor/professor Robert De Vries provide much-needed support from a unique perspective--empathy. They each suffered the loss of their spouse at a relatively young age. Throughout Getting to the Other Side of Grief, the authors share their stories as living proof that if worked through properly, grief will lead the way to a fresh new life.
Beginning with the premise that a full resolution to grief is possible, the authors extend this lifeline to readers: Complete healing doesn't happen without intentional effort (time alone doesn't heal), and this intentional effort, for complete success, must combine Christian faith and sound mental health practices. In offering these interwoven disciplines, the authors give readers the benefit of both the male and female perspective.
Readers will find getting to the other side of grief less lonely and more promising in the empathetic company of these two authors. Those who assist grieving persons on their journeys--pastors, counselors, family members, friends--will find this a useful supplement to the support they offer.
Second Wife, Second Best?: Managing Your Marriage As a Second Wife
by Glynnis Walker
· Hardcover: 274 pages
· Publisher: Doubleday Canada Ltd; 1st ed edition (May 1, 1984)
· ISBN: 0385184646
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