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Hello! My newsletter has been moved to www.juliedonnerandersen.com. Please go to my website and register as a new member. Doing so is free, and you will automatically be signed up for my monthly newsletter. While there, why not check out the Official WOW/GOW Message Board? I also have a blog at http://www.juliedonnerandersen.blogspot.com!





FYI...My book, "PAST: Perfect! PRESENT: Tense! Insights From One Woman's Journey As The Wife of a Widower" is available for purchase at Amazon.com, BarnesAndNoble.com and via the publisher, iUniverse.com.







Blessings...







Julie Donner Andersen



http://www.juliedonnerandersen.com



http://www.authorsden.com/juliedonnerandersen
Newsletter Dated: 10/31/2004 8:58:42 PM

Subject: The WOW/GOW NEWSLETTER - OCTOBER 2004

The WOW/GOW Newsletter - October 2004 - Julie Donner Andersen




October 2004 WOW/GOW Newsletter –
Julie Donner Andersen

**************************************


Hi Guys and Gals!


WOW – what an incredible month for new subscribers to the newsletter! Thank you, newbies, for all your wonderful e-mails of support. Welcome to “the sisterhood”! I hope you will find the encouragement and support you crave. J


FOR THE NOVEMBER WOW/GOW NEWSLETER:

Ladies, I need your BEST Christmas cookie recipe(s) for the next newsletter. I will post them in the November issue so you can bake them for the holidays! Send ‘em to me at juliedonnerandersen@mail.com. If I can use your name to give credit where credit is due, please let me know – otherwise, I will keep your name anonymous, as always. Thanks!


Professional News…

~Just in time for Christmas! My illustrated humour book is finally at available for sale via my Authors Den page and through Amazon.com...just in time for Christmas! (Think “gift idea” for your friends and family!) “Parentally Insane: Insights From The Edge...of Midlife!” was three years in the making, and I am quite proud of this one. After spending years in the throes of grief research for “PAST”: Perfect! PRESENT: Tense!” it was kinda nice to be able to laugh again and write humorous stories about my midlife woes and crazy family.

~Media Frenzy! Yep, the local press found out my new humour book was coming out and phoned me for an interview. You can read it here: http://www.yorkregion.com/yr/newscentre/erabanner/story/2253620p-2611006c.html

~Word of advice to anyone who has not yet bought my book “PAST: Perfect! PRESENT: Tense! Insights From One Woman’s Journey as the Wife of a Widower” but is considering it: The white cover copy, published by Weyant Press, is no longer in print. The NEW edition, published by Writers Club Press/iUniverse, Inc. (BLUE cover), has 5 new chapters and is available at Amazon.com.


On the Home Front…

My husband is building an ice fishing hut...in our FRONT yard! Lord, help me. But you know what I’ve discovered? A man who toils away at a hobby is a happy guy. So what if my home looks like the cover of Redneck Monthly? Sometimes, we women have to just let our men “do their own thing”, even if it means a sacrifice on our parts.

The same is true for grief. In this issue, Dr. Tim, my neighbour extraordinaire and remarried widower, is back for a new interview, and he “brings it home” when discussing the fits and starts of grief.

Enjoy!

As always, I’m only an e-mail away!

Blessings…Julie :)


(~~Julie Donner Andersen is the author of “PAST: Perfect! PRESENT: Tense! Insights From One Woman’s Journey As The Wife of a Widower,” available at Amazon.com and BarnesAndNoble.com. Julie’s illustrated humour book, “Parentally Insane: Insights From The Edge…of Midlife!” is now available at Amazon.com. Her personal website is http://www.authorsden.com/juliedonnerandersen. Julie can be reached via e-mail at juliedonnerandersen@mail.com)

**************************************************


(Disclaimer: The opinions, feelings, and emotions displayed in the articles, stories, news articles, and poems in this newsletter do not necessarily reflect the same as the newsletter owner and author Julie Donner Andersen, and should not be construed as her personal advice/opinion, nor should they be considered her personal endorsement. Thank you.)


Interview with a Widower – Part III
By Julie Donner Andersen


Key:
T = Dr. Tim
J = Julie

J: Well, here we go again, Dr. T. Thank you so much for agreeing to another interview for the WOW/GOW Newsletter.

T: Hey, you ran out of home grown tomatoes, so now you have to pay me with your world famous chocolate chip cookies. (laughs)

J: You got it! Ok, back to business…Tim, you and Angie have been married for a few years now. Do you still grieve to some extent for your late wife, Susan?

T: I think most widowers will always grieve in their own way. I must say that I am much better than I used to be, thanks to Angie’s love. But there are still times when something jogs my memory, like a song on the radio or the familiar smell of Susan’s trademark perfume…those things will take me back to time in my life that is long past but fondly remembered. It still amazes me that I sometimes forget things, too. For instance, there are times when I can’t remember what Susan looked like, or the way she smiled, or laughed. That makes me feel sad, but I know that this is normal.

J: Do you think these grief spells interfere with your marriage to Angie at all?

T: No, not at all. In fact, missing Susan makes me appreciate Angie all the more. Not that Ang is a substitute for Susan, but what I mean is, since I know what it is like to lose someone I loved, I tend to make each day with Angie count…big time!

J: In your opinion, should GOWs and WOWs fear these “fits and starts” that a widower can sometimes go through?

T: Well, yes and no. I think it depends on the maturity of the widower, and where he’s at on his grief journey. If he’s still waking the stages, then I can see that his fits and starts would be confusing to his girlfriend or wife, since they are ten times MORE confusing to him! But if a man can smile instead of cry when walking down Memory Lane, then the fits and starts are simply momentary flashes of the past, and they will not impact his present life.

J: Wow, that’s really profound, Tim! Thanks for sharing that. What would you say to a WOW or GOW who is struggling with a widower who seems stuck in a grief stage?

T: I can only comment about what Angie would do when we first started dating. Being the smart cookie that she is, she could read my disposition pretty well. Whenever my thoughts of Susan would make my mind drift, Angie would notice it right away, snuggle up to me, and whisper, “Tell me what you’re thinking RIGHT this very moment”. I suppose I could have lied, but I found that sharing my thoughts with Angie made her trust me more, and conversing about my late wife also brought us closer.

J: How so?

T: Well, at the end of our conversations like these, Ang would always comment about how amazed she was with herself about how she could handle my thoughts of Susan. She’d say “I thought what you’d have to say would crush me like a bug, but I suppose my fear of the unknown was worse than anything you had to tell me”.

J: Were there ever times when she DID feel “crushed like a bug” by your thoughts of Susan?

T: Oh Lord, you really know how to make a man squirm, don’tcha Jules? (laughs). Well, OK, yes…There was one time I remember vividly. It was our first wedding anniversary. Ang and I had just finished a great meal at a nice upscale restaurant. We were just sitting there, kinda staring at each other all googly-eyed and in love across the candlelight, when Ang asks me what I’m thinking. I learned later that she was hoping I would comment about how beautiful she looked, or how much I loved her and always would. Well, duh, I said, “I was thinking of how Susan had that same look in her eye on our first anniversary together”.

J: Whoa…You blew it, mister! (laughs)

T: Yeah, I know. And I’ve been paying for it in one way or another ever since! (laughs). Ang was hurt, and rightfully so. Since then, I have learned how to remain honest about my thoughts, but still be a tactful gentleman about it.

J: So what you’re saying is that widowers need to open up about their thoughts and feelings in regard to their late wives and former lives, but they need to do so with the WOW/GOWs feelings foremost in their minds?

T: Exactly. We don’t want to hurt you (GOWs and WOWs). We want to tell you how we feel and what we think, but we’re men, and thus, we have a tendency to blurt out stuff without thinking first. (laughs).

J: Tim, thank you for your honesty.

T: My pleasure, as always. Now when can I expect my cookies?

~end~

***************************************

OCTOBER QUESTIONS OF THE MONTH (and your responses)

***************************************

1.) Have the interviews with Dr. Tim and Angie Prentice shed any light on your GOW/WOW issues? Would you like to hear more from them? If yes, what issues would you like Angie and Tim to address?

~Yes! It’s nice to hear from a widower. Especially since mine won’t talk to me about his grief issues.

~Dr. Tim and Angie’s interviews have validated me as a WOW. I don’t know any widowers, GOWs, or WOWs in “real” life, so it’s nice to know that there are people “out there” who feel the same emotions and walk the same walk that I am.

~The interviews are GREAT! Could they discuss the “nasties”…people who make it hard to be a GOW/WOW?


2.) In regard to your GOW/WOW issues, do you look forward to - or feel anxious about - the upcoming Christmas/Hannukah holidays? Explain.

~No, I don’t look forward to holidays at all. I’ll never make Christmas as nice as the late wife. She was the one who started all of my husband’s family traditions, and he is not interested in changing them just because I’m in the picture now.

~ I hate the holidays. I am forced to “make nice” with his late wife’s family, and they despise me, even though I’ve never done anything to them personally. I envision a Chirstmas, some day, that is not shared with anyone else, where I can implement my own traditions, and where his self-centered kids are grown and GONE!

~I love the holidays, and I look forward to each one. I enjoy playing “Martha Stewart” so I go all out for Christmas. My husband loves this, and I love doing it for him. It brings us so much closer together.


3.) The WOW/GOW Newsletter is approaching its anniversary. Has this newsletter helped you? In what ways? What would you like to see added to this newsletter to make it more helpful to you? What things could you do without?

~Happy anniversary, Newsletter! What a lifesaver it has been for me! It has shown me that I am not alone in my fears and anxieties about being a GOW. It has encouraged me to find the strength to guide my BF into conversations about his late wife and their marriage, too. Thank you!!

~God, what would I be without this newsletter? Probably still single and looking for Mr. Right, when here he has been all along, I just needed to stop whining about his past and enjoy the present. The newsletter reminds me that my feelings are not so much selfish as they are needy, and having needs is not wrong.

~Could you add more feedback from widowers? I like the Dr. Tim interviews, but it would be nice to hear another man’s perspective. Also, could you please advise us about how to get our men to open up a bit more in regard to their wives and former lives? Oh, and I love the questions of the month – they make me feel so NORMAL!

**********************************

NOVEMBER QUESTIONS OF THE MONTH

***************************************

OK, gals, send ‘em in! Pick one or answer all three…but DO share with us! Don’t make me bombard your e-mail with nag notes! LOL! Results posted in September Newsletter, due out Sept. 26th….JDA


1.) WOWs only: Do you feel that you have made progress in your relationship in regard to your WOW issues? How so? OR, do you feel like you will ALWAYS feel this way (negative) about your overwhelming insecurities regarding his late wife and former life? Explain.


2.) Who in your present life still makes it hard for you as a GOW/WOW (no names, please)? How do they do this to you? How do you respond to their treatment of you? Is your widower on your side? What do you think you can do to endure?


3.) Confession time! Have you ever: Insulted the late wife in front of your BF/Hubs? Hid/burned/torn “her” picture without him knowing? Screamed at “her” in anger?




~~Send in your responses via e-mail to juliedonnerandersen@mail.com. Results to be posted in the October 2004 edition of the newsletter. Please do not use Julie’s messaging system through her website at Authors Den to submit responses, please. Thank you!


***********************************************

DEAR JULIE

************************************************

Dear Julie,

I’ve been married for about 5 years to a wonderful man and former widower. Most of his friends and family have been wonderful to me. However, there is one woman who still makes it hard for me every time I see her.

I’m really not sure if she means to, or if this is my insecurities talking. For example, if I bump into her at the store, she asks me the usual “How are you?” questions, which I politely answer. Then, when I’m done, she NEVER fails to add something about the late wife. Once, after I finished telling her about my husband and my recent vacation, she said “Oh, Claire (late wife) LOVED that beach, too!”

This angered me, mostly because I didn’t know my husband and his late wife had even been to the same beach we had, but also because this “friend” seems to know this knowledge would hurt my feelings. It seems like she tells me things like this to break up my marriage!

Julie, what can we do about people like this who can’t seem to let the past be the past? And what do you say to “friends” like this who seem mean-spirited about how they treat you as a WOW?

Signed,

Bullied, but Not Broken



JULIE RESPONDS:

Dear Bullied,

As I sat reading your letter, I had to wonder if this peachy “friend” was after your husband before you came along! LOL!

OK, regardless…There will ALWAYS be people in our lives who drive us nuts like this. Perhaps they are jealous of our happiness. Perhaps they can only feel good about themselves when someone else feels worse. I call them “Toxic People”, or TP for short (how appropriate!).

WOWs and GOWs deal with TPs from a variety of sources: the late wife’s family, friends, and even co-workers. The one underlying reason for their toxicity is fear. They are afraid that their loved one’s memory will be forgotten. They fear that the GOW/WOW has somehow invalidated their loved one’s existence since the late wife’s husband has found love again. In short, TPs are to be pitied, not poked with voodoo pins. They are insecure about themselves, their place in this world, and their value. They are insulting because they get something out of it – your pain.

How to deal with TPs? Simple. Don’t let them see you sweat! Just like with bullies, TPs back down from the fun they’re having with you when they see that they can no longer get to you!

Better still, do what you must to increase your own levels of self-worth, self-esteem, and security within your relationship. Competition makes us stronger – so USE this TP’s wrath to encourage you to be a better wife, friend, and lover to your mate.

And when you are the happiest you can be, you will be able to “smile down the demon” TP, saying to her when she tells you about the late wife, “Great! I’m glad to know my beloved husband treated her with the same love and respect with which he treats me!”…then walk away and let the egg ooze down her face. J

Blessings….Julie


~~Do you agree? Disagree? Have some advice to help this reader? Got a question for me? Let me hear it! juliedonnerandersen@mail.com


*********************************

Annoying Author Stuff

*********************************

I need your reviews, PLEASE!!!!!
Ladies, I so enjoy doing this newsletter. It is a labour of love for me. But doing all my own book promotions (plus raising 3 kids, plus selling on Ebay, plus being a fulltime wife and homemaker…) is time consuming, but necessary. I don’t want to be swamped with so much promoting that I have no time left for the newsletter. But that’s where you can help…

It would take an entire newsletter for me to explain the “ins and outs” of online booksellers like Amazon, but suffice to say, the more reviews that appear on a book’s/author’s page there, the more visible it becomes to the general public and the search engines.

So please, can you do me one small favour today and post a (anonymous, if you want) review of my book at Amazon.com, Amazon.ca (Canada), and/or BarnesAndNoble.com? Promoting my book on these online store websites is by far the best way to reach other WOWs and GOWs, letting them know that REAL people are being comforted by it. Thanks a bunch, my readers! Oh, and be SURE to post your reviews under the BLUE cover copy, NOT The white cover, which is no longer in print. Thanks!

~~~Calling all libraries! Yes, PLEASE call your library, and ask them to stock my book for their patrons. Most will be happy to accommodate. Or drop them a note in their suggestion box (most libraries have one) with the publisher’s name (iUniverse.com) so they can order it. Thank you!!

~~Please consider getting my new illustrated humour book, “Parentally Insane: Insights From The Edge…Of Midlife!” (Amazon.com and PublishAmerica.com) for yourself or as a Christmas gift for a friend or family member. Partial proceeds from the sale of the humour book go toward helping me set up a WOW/GOW convention in the not-too-distant future! Thanks all!


*******************************

JUST FOR FUN…

*******************************


“Why Men Are Happier Than Women”

Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be president.
You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
You can wear NO T-shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one
is just too icky.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental -- $100.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood -- all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to s have your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
Your belly usually hides your big hips.
One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 20 relatives on December 24 in 18
minutes.
No wonder men are happier!


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

INSANITY, THY NAME IS WOMAN!…

1. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't.

2. I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

3. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.

4. I used to have a handle on life but it broke.

5. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

6. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

7. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

8. Quoting one is plagiarism; quoting many is research.

9. The trouble with life is there is no background music.

10. God must love stupid people, he made so many.

11. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

12. Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.

13. Ever stop to think and forget to start again?

14. Wrinkled was not one of the things I wanted to be when I grew up.

15. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

16. I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.

**************************************

ENCOURAGEMENT

***************************************

Famous Quotes by My Heroine, Eleanor Roosevelt:


Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent.

Friendship with oneself is all important because without it one cannot be friends with anybody else in the world.

You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience by which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.

I could not, at any age, be content to take my place in a corner by the fireside and simply look on.

Justice cannot be for one side alone, but must be for both.

Life was meant to be lived, and curiosity must be kept alive. One must never, for whatever reason, turn his back on life.

We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.

People grow through experience if they meet life honestly and courageously. This is how character is built.

Do what you feel in your heart to be right, for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do and damned if you don't.

I have spent many years of my life in opposition, and I rather like the role.

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, and today is a gift; that’s why they call it the present.


You must do the things you think you cannot do.


When you cease to make a contribution, you begin to die.


The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.


When life is too easy for us, we must beware or we may not be ready to meet the blows which sooner or later come to everyone, rich or poor.


Only a man's character is the real criterion of worth.


It is better to light a candle than curse the darkness.


For it isn't enough to talk about peace. One must believe in it. And it isn't enough to believe in it. One must work at it.


I could never say in the morning, 'I have a headache and cannot do thus and so.' Headache or no headache, thus and so had to be done.


Happiness is not a goal; it is a by-product.


***************************************

WIDOWER INFO IN THE NEWS

**********************************


Sandra Cavallo and Lyndan Warner, eds.

Widowhood in Medieval and Early Modern Europe.
Women and Men in History.

New York: Longman, 1999. xiv + 272 pp. Illustrations, tables, notes, annotated bibliography, index. $72.95 (cloth), ISBN 0-582-31747-9; $27.65 (paper), ISBN 0-582-31748-7.

Reviewed by Michelle Wolfe, Department of History, Ohio State University.

Published by H-Women (January, 2000)
http://www.h-net.org/reviews/showrev.cgi?path=19863947713148

Chapters by Margaret Pelling and Pamela Sharpe discuss the relative "invisibility" of the English widower. Chronicling the tendency of seventeenth-century widowers to disappear rapidly into remarriage, Pelling argues that both Englishmen and English cultural norms rejected the state of male widowhood. Pelling suggests that men overwhelmingly preferred and needed domestic partners, and that English society was organized to ease and encourage their remarriage.

Sharpe's treatment of nineteenth-century poor relief and widowed men and women finds a similar absence of widowers and a similar resistance to living without a household helpmeet. In particular Sharpe finds poorer widowers employing daughters as "miniature" wives when remarriage was not immediately possible. Widowerhood acquired invisibility as remarriage and other preferential forms of social support relieved the widower from the solitude and poverty which often culturally characterized the widow.

However, like the widow, the widower could be seen as destabilizing to the marital and reproductive order. Becoming "visible" in such moments, they could also find themselves defined by the dominantly feminine meanings of widowhood. In her chapter "Widows, widowers and the problem of second marriages in sixteenth-century France," Lyndan Warner discusses how legal restrictions originally enacted to control widowed women were eventually imposed on widowed men. Studying a precedent-setting case, Warner explores how the rhetoric of weakness and emotional susceptibility, conventionally applied to widowed women, was extended to widowed men.

Despite the fact that this rhetoric undermined the authority of the remarried widower as a husband, householder, and representative of the larger patriarchal order, it was nonetheless deployed by lawyers, families and the courts when the widower's marital ambitions undermined the heirs and established property rights of his previous family.
Highlighting contrasts in male and female experience of spousal loss, these chapters provide insights into the ways that masculinity and male dependency were negotiated at the individual and cultural level in medieval and early modern society.

Placed in dialogue with the other essays, they illuminate some of the ways in which European constructions of male and female experience were fluid and mutually defining. Taken together, all the chapters provide an alternative angle on the historical dynamics of family relationships and the range of influence which marriage exercised upon the identities and lifestyles of medieval and early modern men and women.

********************************

NEWS WOMEN CAN USE

*******************************


The 13 Things PMS stand for:

1. Pass My Shotgun
2. Psychotic Mood Shift
3. Perpetual Munching Spree
4. Puffy Mid-Section
5. People Make me Sick
6. Provide Me with Sweets
7. Pardon My Sobbing
8. Pimples May Surface
9. Pass My Sweatpants
10. Pissy Mood Syndrome
11. Plainly; Men Suck
12. Pack My Stuff

And my favourite one...

13. Potential Murder Suspect

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

THE HORMONE WARNING: The Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life in his own hands! This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver's license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, or significant
other!

DANGEROUS: What's for dinner?
SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?
ULTRASAFE: Have some chocolate

DANGEROUS: Are you wearing that?
SAFER: Wow, you look good in brown.
SAFEST: WOW! Look at you!
ULTRASAFE: Have some chocolate

DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?
SAFER: Could we be overreacting?
SAFEST: Here's my paycheck.
ULTRASAFE: Have some chocolate

DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?
SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.
SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?
ULTRASAFE: Have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: What did you do all day?
SAFER: I hope you didn't over-do it today.
SAFEST: I've always loved you in that robe!
ULTRASAFE: Have some more chocolate.

And remember: Money
talks.... But Chocolate sings



*******************************

BOOK REVIEWS

*******************************


(All of the following book information has been gathered through the Amazon.com website)


FOR HIM:


The Wedding Was Great, But When Does Chuck Leave? One Stepfather's 20-Year Journey
by Charles H. Lund

Book Description
Forward
by
Francesca Adler-Baeder, Ph.D., CFLE
Director of Family Life Education
Stepfamily Association of America
Professor, Human Development
and Family Studies
Auburn University

I am so impressed with this beautiful story of life, love, mistakes, challenges and hope. Although Charles Lund’s story is uniquely his, his experiences are shared in many important ways by stepfathers and stepfamilies throughout the country.

He brings life and humor to the process of creating a family after remarriage. Many men struggle in stepfamily formation since our broader culture offers little in the way of clear roadmaps. His story touches on so many of the issues that we know from research and from clinical work are a normal part of negotiating these unclear family roles and complicated family dynamics.

Rather than a preachy, here’s how to do it kind of self-help tale, his is a readable (I went through this in one sitting!), entertaining, and subtle account that will be an enjoyable and valuable resource for stepfathers and stepparents. He offers important lessons learned, seamlessly weaving together stories of personal stepparenting over two decades of family life.

I am most impressed with the honest and thoughtful way he reflects on and explains his thoughts and actions over the years as a husband, as an ex-husband, as a stepfather, as a parent, and as a man, who, through it all, is striving to build a successful, satisfying, and happy life, both as an individual, and as a member of a complex stepfamily.

I am especially struck by the central theme of the love he has for his wife as the motivation to work through the blurry lines of the stepparent/parent roles. The couple creates the stepfamily and his message of building a strong couple relationship in order to build a strong stepfamily comes through loud and clear.

Beautifully written, and powerful, The Wedding Was Great, But When Does Chuck Leave? is a love story for our time.



~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


FOR YOU:

The Second Wives Club: Secrets for Becoming Lovers for Life
by Lenore Fogelson Millian, Stephen Jerry Millian

Book Description

Second wives are often plagued by problems ranging from intrusions by their husband's ex-wife to the logistical horrors of sharing children over the holidays. With the divorce rate at over 65 percent, such issues are a growing reality for many women.
The authors, a husband-and-second-wife team, use clinical case studies and informative vignettes to highlight distinctions between a healthy second marriage and one tarnished by what they term "ghostly intrusions" from a prior marriage. Using self-diagnostic quizzes throughout the book, readers will learn to develop and customize workable techniques for resolving their second-wife issues.


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