My Birthday Suit
by Margo Maris
Friday, August 23, 2002
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Oh my, another year has passed.
A peek in the mirror and I’m aghast!
The birthday suit that once fit so well,
looks like it has gone through hell.
Stretched and wrinkled, covered with hair,
who said old age was supposed to be fair?
Then “alteration” came to mind,
but did I have enough time?
Face lift, breast enlargement, just won’t do.
Need a tummy tuck, butt lift, liposuction too!
And electrolysis would do wonders,
to prevent all of those shaving blunders.
So I headed out, shopping list in hand.
By gosh I was going to take a stand!
The first surgeon said with a laugh,
“Too much to stretch, you’d be a giraffe.”
Another one said, “You’re expectations are too high.”
“I don’t perform miracles”, he added with a sigh.
However, I was determined to find,
someone willing to shrink my behind.
Maybe a veterinarian would be the answer,
to shape me into an exotic dancer.
I visited one, but thought, “never again!”
Exotic to him was a pelican!
And so I continued with my quest,
to find someone to enlarge my breasts.
Every time I asked for help,
I was greeted with a shrieking yelp.
I finally gave up and headed for home.
My aging body I still bemoaned.
I thought about just dying my hair,
but instead I sat in my rocking chair.
While pondering on my fate that day,
I heard a little voice whisper and say,
“Forget about that improvement plan.
You’re still loved by that special man.”