I pushed;

I pulled.

It still wouldn’t open.

I cried and beat my head against the wood.

Still, the door would not budge.

Others tried it too.

Some were older;

Many were younger.

The widows and orphans - they also tried.

The door of pain and fear remained firm in its intent.

All I wanted to do was to go

Back into the past

Before September 11^th.

Then….

I wasn’t afraid of tall buildings.

CNN was not one of my addictions.

My husband could work peacefully at his office w/out me calling ten times a day.

The sound of an airplane flying low didn’t cause me to worry.

I could kiss my daughter goodbye at her departure gate.

I planned for my future.

Now…

I push;

I pull.

I need to open that door.