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Ball of Fire

© Megan Lutz
2002-09-28

Night after night,
It is all the same,
I return to a mess,
I return to a bitch,
I return to my own private hell.

Sad, depressed, I write words that have no meaning to anyone else,
But me,
Sad and depressed, I make the same mistakes over and over again.
I cannot remember last night,
I know I did some pretty fucked up shit,
I know, that I am loosing myself,
And no matter how much I want to forget,
To wish that the night ever happens,
I cannot…

I can only grow during the pain,
Learn from my mistakes,
And hey,
I have even learnt something…
I am a cannonball,
Wild and free,
Hurting people,
Hurting myself,
On a road of destruction,
Destined to end in a ball of fire.

I don’t know when I lost the track,
I don’t know when I fell from the rails of life,
It is called growing in life,
It is called dying in life,
It is called ending in a big heap of fire,
I will curl up on my bed,
In a ball of fire,
And slowly burn to death.