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Patrick A Granfors

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Short Stories
· Strawberry Green Springs

· Transitions

· Drip Line

· Fabulous Eight Bean Soup

· Consequences

· Mighty Fine Stuffed Cabbage Rolls

· Phobos-Grunt Re-entry

· My Second Ozark Boat Ride

· Marinating on my TV

· A Penny For My Thoughts?

· Time for Confusion

· Alzyisms Part 7 - Partial Reconciliation

· Alzyisms - Part 6

· Somebody Blinked

· Bend

· Drink About It

· Dominos

· Standard Issue

· Wisdom of the Wind

· Rainy Day Poem

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· The Beer Standard

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  A Real Life's Lesson
by Patrick A Granfors
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Rated "G" by the Author.

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Recent poems by Patrick A Granfors
•  Queen of Broken Hearts
•  Somebody Blinked
•  Drink About It
•  Bend
•  Dominos
           >> View all 528

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day
Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a life time

As I write this, I am 28 nautical miles off the coast of Cabo San Lucas aboard the cruise ship Norwegian Star. As they charge 25 cents per minute for internet access, I’ve been offline. It’s not that I’m cheap, but well….you know, that’s beer money. However that doesn’t mean my devious little mind has been completely idle.

The above proverb is both famous and informational. An experienced young Jamaican waiter here on the ship provided me with similar inspiration. His lesson taught with “Don’t worry, be happy” playing in the background works like a charm if you have a bottle with a non twist off cap but no opener. It was a Zen like experience that I will now share with you as a public service.

Give a man a bottle opener and he can have a beer

Teach a man to open one with his bare hands and he can drink for a lifetime

Proverbials: Patrick; Chapter 1


Here’s a little trick I thought you’d like to know

When you have a beer with no opener, Oh no no

Don’t worry, Be happy


No need to break your teeth or edge of door

No shaken foam escaping to the floor

Don’t worry, Be happy


Just grab the bottle neck between finger and thumb

Use your thumb as a fulcrum yum yum yum

Don’t worry, Be Happy


Take another bottle tilt it touching cap to cap

Rock the bottle on your thumb and just like that

Don’t worry Be Happy


Let the edges of the bottle caps do all the work

This trick’s so slick and it’s not a quirk

Don’t worry, Be happy


So to my Jamaican friend I would like to say

I’ve transcended beer for just a day

Don’t worry, Be happy


Copyright 2010 Patrick A Granfors





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Reviewed by Axilea MU 1/5/2011
Useful stuff, actually; I think I might try. :)


Reviewed by Annabel Sheila 1/4/2011
Happy New Year Patrick!!! Hope you have a wonderful cruise!!! Those Jamaicans are awesome people!!! Can't wait to go back and revisit their awesome country! Sound advice offered here......giggle...

Reviewed by pat medlin 12/31/2010
Reviewed by Ronald Hull 12/31/2010
My Jamaican raft poler was not happy rafting us down the river, even after my helper tipped him twice. He was deathly afraid we'd swamp and I'd drown. On the other hand, our over priced driver happily guided past horrendous wrecks to a stinky fish place we declined for our lifetimes to a roadside bar and local food we survived without diarrhea.

Have fun ringing in the New Year aboard ship or in Mazatlan or whatever.

I, too avoid the almost functional shipboard Internet cafe.

Reviewed by Eileen Granfors 12/30/2010
I thought when you asked about the proverb that you must be writing about the whale we saw. . . hmmm, perspective indeed. :0)
Reviewed by Karen Vanderlaan 12/30/2010
ah yes, a couple of proverbs that could turn the welfare system around!
Reviewed by Paul Berube 12/30/2010
Way to go, Patrick. Enjoy.
Reviewed by Richard King 12/30/2010
Patrick, I'm shocked!!!! No real beer drinker from "BACK IN THE DAY" would ever confess to not knowing that little trick. My problem was the wrong bottle always opened. (Works better with those little plastic disposable lighters and the old seat belts from the 70's worked quite well too.) But, I really like that little "Don't worry be happy" line. Hope the cruise goes well. Thanks Dick
Reviewed by Christine Tsen 12/30/2010
Powerful and exotic lyrics, you lucky man!
Happy New Year Mate,
Reviewed by The Poetess 12/30/2010
Oh you are just too funny. If I ever decide to take up drinking beer and am stranded without a bottle opener I will surely find this handy. ;-) Thanks for the chuckle.
Reviewed by Peter Schlosser (Reader) 12/30/2010
one of the few tricks i can actually perform which i do say i'm rather good at is chewing beer-caps off bottles without harming my teeth. enjoy your cruise.

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