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Patrick A Granfors

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Short Stories
· Strawberry Green Springs

· Transitions

· Drip Line

· Fabulous Eight Bean Soup

· Consequences

· Mighty Fine Stuffed Cabbage Rolls

· Phobos-Grunt Re-entry

· My Second Ozark Boat Ride

· Marinating on my TV

· A Penny For My Thoughts?

· Time for Confusion

· Alzyisms Part 7 - Partial Reconciliation

· Alzyisms - Part 6

· Somebody Blinked

· Bend

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  Be Careful What You Wish For
by Patrick A Granfors
Friday, March 04, 2011
Rated "G" by the Author.

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Recent poems by Patrick A Granfors
•  Queen of Broken Hearts
•  Somebody Blinked
•  Drink About It
•  Bend
•  Dominos
           >> View all 528

Ok, I know it is not nice to poke fun at somebody’s dying but the little devil on my right shoulder just beat the snot out of the angel that sits on my left one. The irony of this story was too much to for me to bear.

Blair River, 29 of Phoenix Az. and former Arizona state wrestling champion, died last Tuesday, apparently from pneumonia. He was the 575 lb spokesperson for a local restaurant “The Heart Attack Grill”. Its admittedly unhealthy menu including giant hamburgers and fries cooked in lard, boasts the motto, “taste… worth dying for.” I guess it must be true . The ad campaign proclaimed people over 350 pounds eat for free.


Don’t bother me with no puny Big Mac

Mine gets grilled at the Heart Attack

Fat people there get to eat for free

A fact that certainly applies to me


Giving up French fries was way too hard

Probably because they’re fried in lard

The girl in the picture looks like a nurse

I think she was measuring me for my hearse


No hard feelings you fulfilled you pledge

Heart Attack Grill on the culling edge

Sent Saint Peter a message and I hope he waits

Wonder if I can squeeze through those pearly gates


RIP, Blair River




Copyright © 2011 Patrick Granfors





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Reviewed by Regis Schilken 3/14/2011
Yikes, never thought of the Pearly gates being narrow. Okay, no more frenchries or rum.

(Might as well go to hell!)
Reviewed by Ronald Hull 3/10/2011
Laughing right along with you. However, we humans seem very prone to addiction. Almost every addiction (except poetry writing–maybe?) is unhealthy and leads to an early demise. For some strange reason I've avoided almost all addictions except the willingness to try to do and see as much as possible within time limitations and still get a good night's sleep.

My cousin loves to eat so much and is so obsessive compulsive about everything that she bloomed into a monster she didn't like. Therefore, she had her stomach stapled then returned to a size 6. Unfortunately, her stomach has stretched again and she is now back to two thirds of her monster weight.

We all have to die sometime. Some of us just want to do it early by getting in the insidious cycles of self abuse. I think I'll go masturbate and think about it.

Ron ;-)
Reviewed by Annabel Sheila 3/7/2011
Very sad story...the poor man had an obvious addiction to the wrong kind of food...But your lighthearted point of view is once again awesome!

Reviewed by Chessly Nesci 3/6/2011
We all have the choice what we put in our mouth. Great poem Patrick! You can apply humor in everything you write making the subject a little more light. Take care, and god bless! ~Chessly
Reviewed by John Flanagan 3/6/2011
Something tells me i'm not supposed to laugh
but...'worth dying for'...just can't help it..
take those pearly gates off the hinges,
there's a long queue forming.
Thank you, Patrick.

Reviewed by Christine Tsen 3/5/2011
I told my mum at four years old I was not going to eat the moo mooing cows.
You are so amusing and never-a-dull-moment in your poetry Patrick!!!
Infused with humor, proof of being fully alive.
Be well,
Reviewed by Mr. Ed 3/5/2011
He was the 575 lb spokesperson for a local restaurant “The Heart Attack Grill”.

Truly amazing how our heroes have changed so much over the years,
No wonder we've become an Obese Nation, devouring all, with no fear.
Reviewed by Karen Palumbo 3/4/2011
I love your sense of humor and I think I read something about it. It is sad that he is now dead, but you could say "He did it his way!"

Be always safe,
Reviewed by Regis Auffray 3/4/2011
Sad yes; but you find a way to express a sad truth while still managing to keep your sense of humor and eliciting smiles from your readers. Thank you, Patrick. Love and peace to you,

Reviewed by D Johnson 3/4/2011
there is humor in these sad words.

Reviewed by Ed Matlack 3/4/2011
There is a special heaven for people of excessive weight,
Before they go to the main heaven they have to wait,
They have to prove that they can lose the pounds,
And drop some of that fat & no longer eat the candy bar, Mounds...e
Reviewed by Peter Schlosser (Reader) 3/4/2011
i guess i have my work cut out for me then, never like to miss out on a free lunch!
Reviewed by Mark Lichterman 3/4/2011
Okay! Okay, already! So I'll give up my three big Macs for a couple of Burger Kings... Okay, so I'll pass on the french fries... Well, maybe an order of onion rings?
Reviewed by Paul Berube 3/4/2011
Nice job, Patrick.
Reviewed by Eileen Granfors 3/4/2011
Sounds like poetic justice to me.
Reviewed by John Bidwell 3/4/2011
I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Awesome poem though.


  1. Democracy at Work
  2. Over internet-ed...
  3. This is Ed's computer talking...
  4. From the Institute of Word-ology
  5. Sunny Days and Mondays
  6. SUCK...
  7. Smile, Darn It
  8. Mushmouth Kostro...
  9. My Ass Is Grass
  11. Summer Doth Approach...
  12. Reincarnation
  13. A Guitar
  14. Have You Seen Ur-Anus?
  15. Wednesday was 70 Degrees...
  16. Kostro's always pickin' on me...AGAIN
  17. The Toilet Seat
  18. My Good Friday Procedure
  19. Sadie Graylow
  20. Confusion say: Men who play with selves r

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