A small contribution
Brought to life
A child too sick
For your unconditional love
You see, it takes more than mere biology
To be the daddy I needed you to be.
I guess if I had given up my fight for life,
Things would have been easier for you.
Anyone can father a child
Such a simple, mindless task
It takes more than just having
Balls to be a man.
You never could see past that.
Yes, You said you loved me, but
Beneath it… all strings attached.
Only if I went along with your
Beliefs and values
Disallowing any of my own…
My convictions proved, for you
Way too strong.
Unthinkable, irrational hatred
A difference in color sent you
In a dizzying frenzy…
Could never understand
The cause for such beatings and wrath
Because my eyes could see past color lines?
Hate usually breeds hate…
I fought against that with all my might
No longer mattered if you approved,
I followed my pure, innocent heart
Something you could never take away
My most valuable treasure.
Now today, you make choices still
That affect those once closest to you.
Never a call…I guess I’m to blame to.
However, they hypocritical attitude
Has played on my guilt way too long.
My joy, my sorrow is no longer your problem
We all have lives of our own, so what does that matter.
Never a daddy’s girl, always the black sheep
Conformity held me in chains, especially
When it came to your blind ignorance.
It would give me surreal pleasure to have a real
Relationship with you…
Yet, your own guilt is your cover… your shield
So that the truth does not jump out and slap
You back into reality!
Don’t worry about me, I’m a big girl…
Having to grow up way too soon!
Choices forced upon me
Without even giving thought to
The cursed memories that still haunt.
You have no clue of the damage that’s been done
My soul, my body, my mind…
Intense rage and hatred filled me within
Carrying it around…bearing this cross
Unable to release this wretched anchor
Drowning me in this abysmal sea.
However, I let it go years ago…
Yet the spirit of forgiveness
Still cast in stone…
Unable to yield because my courage
To face you has not yet arrived.
To spit this venom from my lips poisons me so…
For I know the time is not yet come…
Still unsure of whether you deserve the respect
Of kindness that I wish to repay…
You know, the kind the commandments exclaim
"To our Mother and Father, we should honor?"
Yeah, I am not quite sure where you fit in there.
Give me time, though…patience is key.
It took years for these feelings to grow,
When the time comes, it will be only minutes
For them to recede.
You have no idea how I wish it within the
Very fabric of me…that same fabric…
Not from you, but in the image of my
True father… my Abba… beloved is He!