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B.M. Song

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Member Since: Jun, 2009

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Only a Father
by B.M. Song
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Not rated by the Author.
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Recent poems by B.M. Song
•  Natural Submission
•  Liberated
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           >> View all 5

Very personal account of the severely strained relationship I've had with my Father most of my life.

 

 

A small contribution

Brought to life

A child too sick

For your unconditional love

You see, it takes more than mere biology

To be the daddy I needed you to be.

I guess if I had given up my fight for life,

Things would have been easier for you.

 

Anyone can father a child

Such a simple, mindless task

It takes more than just having

Balls to be a man.

You never could see past that.

 

Yes, You said you loved me, but

Beneath it… all strings attached.

Only if I went along with your

Beliefs and values

Disallowing any of my own…

My convictions proved, for you

Way too strong.

 

Unthinkable, irrational hatred

A difference in color sent you

In a dizzying frenzy…

Could never understand

The cause for such beatings and wrath

Because my eyes could see past color lines?

 

Hate usually breeds hate…

I fought against that with all my might

No longer mattered if you approved,

I followed my pure, innocent heart

Something you could never take away

My most valuable treasure.

 

Now today, you make choices still

That affect those once closest to you.

Never a call…I guess I’m to blame to.

However, they hypocritical attitude

Has played on my guilt way too long.

 

My joy, my sorrow is no longer your problem

We all have lives of our own, so what does that matter.

Never a daddy’s girl, always the black sheep

Conformity held me in chains, especially

When it came to your blind ignorance.

 

It would give me surreal pleasure to have a real

Relationship with you…

Yet, your own guilt is your cover… your shield

So that the truth does not jump out and slap

You back into reality!

 

Don’t worry about me, I’m a big girl…

Having to grow up way too soon!

Choices forced upon me

Without even giving thought to

The cursed memories that still haunt.

 

You have no clue of the damage that’s been done

My soul, my body, my mind…

Intense rage and hatred filled me within

Carrying it around…bearing this cross

Unable to release this wretched anchor

Drowning me in this abysmal sea.

 

However, I let it go years ago…

Yet the spirit of forgiveness

Still cast in stone…

Unable to yield because my courage

To face you has not yet arrived.

 

To spit this venom from my lips poisons me so…

For I know the time is not yet come…

Still unsure of whether you deserve the respect

Of kindness that I wish to repay…

You know, the kind the commandments exclaim

"To our Mother and Father, we should honor?"

 

Yeah, I am not quite sure where you fit in there.

Give me time, though…patience is key.

It took years for these feelings to grow,

When the time comes, it will be only minutes

For them to recede.

 

You have no idea how I wish it within the

Very fabric of me…that same fabric…

Not from you, but in the image of my

True father… my Abba… beloved is He!

Copyright©2009.BMSong.

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