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05-09-03

I hate it that you are so distant, so removed from my life. I tell everyone that I dont care, that it will all be alright. They know I am lying, they tell me that I am. Maybe, though, if I can convince myself that I havent really lost anything then I will never remember you being here. I watch you now as if observing some planet thousands of miles away. What I see is only what you want to share. And I try to leave subtle reminders that I am here, everyone knows that these notes are to you. Nameless you remain, no one needs to know this. Let everyone take it upon themselves to see what I mean. Will they ever know that I once loved you, that I still do? So many millions of miles away, yet right around the corner. Ive heard stories, tales of how life is treating you. But I know you , you can make anyone believe anything you want them to. What is the truth now, and what is a lie? Everytime I hear that damned song I think of you, it is one of my favorites. You taught me something - bid my blood to run before I come undone, save me from the nothing I've become. Even now the things that you told me haunt me in the night, like some sort of immortal stranger. The old saying goes "They day they find my tear in the ocean is the day I will stop loving you." Well, that's how it is. I love you, I miss you, and I hope you are OK....Yet inside I have all of this pent up anger and frustration, learning more now about your tales than ever.
~Deb