Forth & Back
by zeta zen
Tuesday, July 29, 2003
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I think about you often
It's just that my love is still
dead nailed in a black coffin
Not understanding
You were forth then you went back
to come forth again
while I am still back
So much as happened
I feel trapped
and I can't
find my peace of mind
Forth and then back again
Don't make this a trend
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The World of ZETAZEN
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| Reviewed by Vicky Jeter |
7/29/2003 |
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Zeta
This poem carries a lot of impression
in the form. The title, "Forth and Back"
obviously catches the reader to a balanced/off-balance setting to start, and I don't know if you planned it, but for me the
emotional fulcrum is "so much has happened"
This line is also the visual center.
There are eight lines leading to center, and six lines after--might there be two lines to add to polishing the power of this form?
Excellent piece! Vicky |
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| Reviewed by Carolyn Red Bear (The Bear Paw) |
7/29/2003 |
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Yeah, been there! Don't make it a trend, Zeta! Stay strong...
In Spirit,
Bear |
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