They say beer’s been helping ugly men get sex since the 1860s
But beer’s been around since the time of Genesis
The Sumerians had it circa 3000 BC
And you should have seen the Greeks
‘Cause when they were drunk, they were freaks
Singing and dancing, clowns doing tricks
Since creation, men have loved their drinks!

The type of drinks on my lips come in packs of six
John Barley should have a statue bigger than The Sphinx
But the Holy Amber does come with risks
Drink-drive and the law will put you in a cell after frisks
And you’ll smile through the jinx till you wake and reality sinks
And we all know you’re gonna blame it on the drinks.

My friend Charlie Bricks sits alone watching the Bulls against the Nicks
Because the missus divorced him saying drink was what made him tick
She took everything but the kitchen sink but Bricks isn’t ticked
Because his best friends are Johnny Walker and Jack Daniels
And whenever he’s with them he’s sure to get his kicks
Look, we’re not alcoholics, we just love our drinks!

While visiting Iraq last year, I heard a booming voice declare:
‘What!? NO BEER!? Goodbye - I’m out of here!
The reason the Middle East lacks peace could be due to the lack of drinks
And the reason Robinson Crusoe couldn’t be saved
Was not because there were no ships
That sailor was too busy savouring his wreck’s wine list
No, we’re not alcoholics, we just love our drinks!

(c) Alex Nderitu